So what do healthy feelings look like? Well, unless you've just been overwhelmed by something, generally speaking, the feeling needs to match the situation. If it's a situation where 90% of the rest of the people that you know, that you think are pretty healthy would be angry, then anger is probably what you're working to feel. The intensity of the feeling needs to match the situation. And if they would think it's a one that you think it's a 10, chances are, something's a little out of whack somewhere. The expression of what you feel should be non abusive to yourself or to others.

And you can adjust the volume of what you're feeling. Healthy feelings are feelings that you can regulate, that don't hijack your brain that don't overtake you without your willingness to be overtaken. They're things that you can turn up and down and often on and adjust how you feel and changed so that you actually have some control of what's happening. This content is a little trickier, what each of us thinks of as healthy will vary based on our family, our culture and our experience. When you go to the next item in this chapter, it will give you some hints and tasks to help you identify what healthier might look like for you. I can tell you, this is where the practicing makes you stronger as an athlete of the mind.

Being able to regulate your feelings in different situations is a key element in recovering from traumatic experiences, whatever they are, in the coming chapters will also show you another couple of ways to think differently about this