So now let's talk about how you can deal with conflicts in your personal life and your professional life. So first, I would like to show you a way to avoid having conflicts. It's about paraphrasing to prevent conflict. Because what usually usually happen is that the person with say something, for example, we say a, and the person understand B, and the person does something else. And then the person here think that they are not respecting them, that they are not listening. And that's how conflicts arise.

It's because of a lack of communication. Most of the time, it's because of that. So in order to avoid having the conflicts because of the poor communication. It's important that when someone tells you to do something, you can just repeat what they said. With your words, for example, if someone tells you to do ABCD a, you can just say, okay, so just to be sure, I have to do that, then to do that, then to do that, then to do that, am I right? And then the person will say yes, no.

So then you are sure that you really understood what the person said, because most of most of the time the person is here. The person thinks that, you know, the same information as they do, and most of the time, it's not the case. So that's why it's really important to ask them to clarify something if you didn't understood, or repeat what they said with your own words, to be sure that you understood it well, to avoid this kind of conflict here due to poor communication. And it happened to me a few years ago, when I was working as an entrepreneurial assistant. At the University of Lausanne. The professor asked me to do something and understood something else.

Did something that was wrong. And then CCC came in we had we had the conflict because then I said, You told me to do that. They know I wanted you to do that. And we didn't understood. We didn't understand each other. So it's really important to always repeat what the person said.

Now, what are the six steps to deal with conflicts in your personal and professional life? The first one is that you must define the problem and the outcome you want to any problem to any conflict that you have. You must be clear about what the problem is. What is the problem? The problem what the problem is that it's too noisy. The problem is that the work is not done.

What is something that you want? You want to have the report by 6pm on your desk? What do you want? You want to go out tonight? What do you want? The outcome that you want is to have that so with the conflict that you have right now?

If you have one, think about what the problem is and write it down write with your own words, to define what the problem is, and the meaning that the problem has to you. And define what do you want? You have a conflict with a coworker. Let's say that you have a conflict because of a timetable. And so you write down the problem that you have is that he always chooses the best time to work and then you have to work late at night. So this is the problem.

What is the outcome that you want? The outcome that you want is that he becomes more fair, when he chooses his, he has time to work. So this is the outcome that you have. Okay. I would like you to see the big picture, and that can help avoid a lot of conflicts. Also, let's say that you are the boss, and you asked a coworker to give you a report.

By 6pm and now it's 630. And you see that the report is not there, instead of going and start yelling at the person saying, what is the report weather report? You didn't you didn't do the work that I asked you. You try to see the big picture first. And you tell yourself that maybe there was something that came up, maybe there was something more important or maybe something happened. So instead of going and yelling at him, what you can do is that you can ask him in a calm and confident way, why he didn't give you the report.

And he may explain that his boss or his director, she told him to do something that was more important, and that she was finishing the report and that that she would give it at 7pm. So instead of yelling and being aggressive towards People directly try to understand if there is a big picture. If there is something that came up, maybe it's not what you think. And that can help you avoid a lot of conflicts. Number three, what are you willing to negotiate? What are you not willing to negotiate?

It means that let's say that someone arrives to your office, and they ask you to do to do some work, and you don't want because you have other priorities. And you start having a conflict with this person. What are you willing to negotiate, so you're not willing to do the work by 4pm. But maybe you are willing to do the work in one week, or tomorrow, or the day after? See what you are willing to negotiate. Another example is, for example, if you are having a conflict with your wife, and let's say that you are men watching this video, and you have a conflict with your wife and your wife says, you can Let's go out tonight.

What you're willing to negotiate is, for example, the time when you will go out, maybe you can say, Okay, I'm not going out tonight, but this weekend, I'm going out with my friends. So instead of having a conflict and say, Okay, I don't want to go out tonight, I don't care about your opinion can say, Okay, I'm willing to negotiate and I'm not going out tonight. I'm staying with you. But next Friday, I will go out with my friends. So always ask yourself this question before going and talking to the person. So what's the problem is the outcome that you want, try to see the big picture and understand, for example, why your wife wants you to stay home?

Maybe it's because you're not taking care of your wife. Try to think about the big picture and the motivations behind the conflict. And then ask yourself the question, What are you willing to negotiate and negotiate? Maybe you are willing to stay home for hair. That's great, that's awesome. Or maybe you want to go out with your friends.

Empathy. Always use empathy when you are talking to people. So I'm, I'm saying that over and over again, always use I understand your point of view, I understand that you want me to stay home tonight, I understand that you have a lot of work to do, you show that you understand their point of view. And now how you can communicate here. So this is really powerful here. It was like I called the fact feelings and desire.

So let's see the street that with someone that I arrived late to an important meeting, okay. The fact that you arrived late, made me feel uncomfortable towards the clients. So what I would like you in the future is to text me or call me, if you're late. You you'd hear the fact so you describe the situation. The seating says how you felt, and the desire is how you want the person to behave in the future. Let's Take another example.

The person did a mistake. So the fact that you did a mistake at work in this situation made me feel, blah, blah, blah. And what I would like you in the future, is to try to be more to be more concentrated when you are doing your work so that you can avoid these mistakes. Okay, so this is number five is really useful, and I encourage you to use it to your own situation. And number six here, when you are having a conflict with someone, you want to find a solution, not win an argument. It means that even if you're wrong, you can say that you are wrong.

What you want to have is to find a solution. Remember, you want to have the outcome that you want. You want to find the solution and maybe the solution is not the outcome that you want because you were willing to negotiate. But you are not trying to prove the other person that they are wrong. Because if you do that you will always be having conflict We speak, and it's not something that is great. So here we have seen that it's important to paraphrase to prevent conflicts.

So always when someone tells you to do something and gives you a step by step, order, you just say, Okay, this is step one, step two step 3am. I right, understood that, am I right? And always ask to clarify, if you didn't understand. If you have a conflict, always define the problem and outcome that you want before interacting with people see the big picture, maybe there's something that happened or something that you're not aware of. So instead of being aggressive, just ask the other person what happened. Number three, define what you're willing to negotiate and non negotiate.

For example, if there are things that you don't want to negotiate, say, I don't, I can't negotiate on the things. But these are the terms that I could adapt. empathy. always understand the other person's feelings, motivations. And urges to understand that people are human. So sometimes they will do things or say things based on the needs, or maybe they made a mistake.

And maybe they are wrong. And maybe they will tell you that they are wrong. So you can use empathy and thank them for, for being honest with yourself, for example, and hear how you you express yourself with the facts with the feelings and the desire. The fact that you did that made me feel that and what I would like you in the future is to do that. And here you are, don't want to win an argument you want to find a solution. So this framework here you can use in your personal and professional life.

So what I encourage you to do now is to take this framework here and apply that to a situation that you have and you will be able to deal with conflicts effectively.