The list of abusive behavior will be addressed individually. The first one is always the reason this is listed as abusive is because if a person says something is always this or that they are thinking as a perfectionist, only little kids think this way, it is not appropriate to sit and have an argument with a child. If a person is acting and thinking shame based and child base, and using the word always, one should stop the conversation, confront that, and let him or her know in the best possible way without putting them down, that it's not possible for a person to always do anything. And the thinking should be reconsidered. Unless the other person can see that there's no point in continuing the conversation, because it's already spiraling down. It is not According to get better unless the abusive person retreats from this position, essentially seeing reality or adult behavior.

The next boundary foul is the word never. It's an impossibility to never treat a person well or to never pick up around the house. The third abuse of role is saying you starting out with a statement with you is already a blaming statement. If people are trying to resolve a disagreement or a conflict, what they want to do is treat each person with respect. A conflict does not have to be a fight. The principal should look for a solution and not care about who wins.

If that is happening, there's no reason to blame. People have to realize that there are different points of view that most things are about perception, and that reality is a very hard thing for all people doing. agree on, it is important to us, I escapements as in how I feel or how I think, because that's going to be more accurate than you did this. If a person says you, the other party will go on the defensive immediately and stop listening, if the person says I, the other person will have a better tendency to learn and listen. The next abusive technique is a yelling voice. The reason that this is so abusive is that energy can be abusive or healthy energy and it's several feet outside of the body.

Imagine walking into a room where two people are fighting. Or there are two people who are attracted to each other. The energy can be felt all the way across the room. If a person is yelling, they're essentially verbally abusing somebody else. It's an attack. calling names as Another form of abuse.

It's not an appropriate communication technique. What is not aimed towards constructively fixing an issue will not resolve anything. cussing is usually unnecessary, and is generally used as a manipulative ploy to try to put the other person on the defensive. If a person occasionally uses a curse, but it's not cussing at somebody, they might be able to get away with it. For the most part, though, it's unneeded. Bringing up the past is often a way to pin somebody down and try to put them in a one down position that will hurt.

An example of this would be a couple where one person has had an affair. If the other person forgives them, then the issue is supposed to be resolved, if it can be resolved is going to take some time for the trust to return. However, if at a much later Time the couple is walking through a mall. And the aggrieved person says, I bet you're attracted to that person, that person is bringing up the past in a frivolous manner. What they're really saying is, look, I'm too dependent to leave you. So I'm just gonna stay with you and beat the hell out of you for the rest of my existence.

That is not getting over anything. Now, if the offending spouse has another affair, and the person mentions the previous affair, that's an entirely different matter. It is appropriate to bring up previous issues if it relates to a pressing one. categorizing or comparing is a way to put somebody down. It's unnecessary and used as a tool in an ongoing power struggle. Not listening to another person side is another abuse of tech Communication is supposed to be a 5050 Street.

With each person waiting until the others finished speaking, the person is supposed to really want the other person to have a good point of view. If they do, the two will probably be able to resolve the matter much more quickly. It is not about winning, but about problem solving. Turning away or walking away, is abandonment. abandonment is an atrocious activity, it shames people. It makes them feel lousy.

Sarcasm is a passive aggressive ploy. It is an attempt to attack or retaliate. But with the ability to say I didn't really mean it. As with all of these abusive rules, it treats the person with less than dignity. laughing at another person is another foul and can Communication. mocking another person is similar but even more harmful, because one is taking on their characteristics in a demeaning way, demanding to talk at inappropriate times, is childlike and acting in a spoiled manner.

If a person has a partner and they feel hurt by that partner, they have a right to ask that partner to talk. However, there's nothing in the world that says they have to talk. They should certainly try to, but there are times when it's appropriate, and times when it is not. For example, people call others at work, because they have a feeling they want taken care of immediately, even though the time is inappropriate. What they are looking for is unconditional love from the parent. And that is something that no one has a right to give or to ask for.

If they're an adult. 15 is passive manipulative behavior. There are a host of passive aggressive techniques. Some of them are pouting, slamming doors, whining, making faces, and the old popular silent treatment. All of these behavior types are passive and childlike. talking over the last part of the person sentence goes against the timing of a discussion, it becomes something other than a 5050 conversation.

Hitting or throwing things are examples of physical abuse. Using weak points are attempts to win or put someone down. If the desire is to use the weak point to hurt them, then it's abusive. If a person is saying something that is true, and their reason for doing it is to discuss a problem, and not to defend them that is entirely different. lecturing is a type of communication that often occurs with a boss or a spouse. As if somehow it's okay to treat somebody like a kid.

It is always abusive. interrogating is acting manipulatively the person knows what they're upset about. But instead of saying it directly, they ask 20 questions to try to pin the person down like a lawyer does, and then to entrap them. It's a one up power play. monopolizing the conversation violates the flow of communication. It's a boundary invasion.

Asking inappropriate questions is also over the person's boundaries. And that includes love relationships. There is some information that a person doesn't necessarily get to know about another person, just because they're lovers getting mad at one thing, but talking about another is a very indirect form of communication and happens quite frequently. The person is afraid to talk about the real issue. So they punish the other person by talking about another unrelated issue. It's indirect, it's not helpful, and it does not help turn a conflict into resolution, threatening statements or behavior or an aggressive act.

Blackmail is also a manipulative ploy. an ultimatum has as its purpose and attempt to scare the person enough to have them do what the other person wants. That is different than somebody coming up with a bottom line statement. In other words, if a person says to their partner, I can't be around this kind of drinking and in their mind, they are leaving. That's the bottom line statement and that is okay. If they're using As a ploy to get the drinker to change, then it's a foul.

Attempting to guilt trip or shame instead of talking about how the person feels and what they think is going on is another foul. moving across physical boundaries with gestures or movements, facial expressions and tone of voice can be abusive, threatening physical gestures or movements are a form of physical abuse. Taking the others inventory is another foul. This was a 12 step term from Alcoholics Anonymous, that basically means pointing out all of the person's character flaws, so that they'll win the argument rather than saying what they feel about what's happening in the relationship. An example of conditional love is all marry you if you that's with manipulation, plain and simple. Acting and accounting condescending manner is a one up one down position.

And again, there's no way that one is looking for a solution. If they're acting that way, the person is looking to draw blood. If the person who has been abused doesn't stop any of these fouls, they are really saying, I am unworthy go ahead and abuse me. Appropriate boundaries are not being taken care of. And if a person doesn't take care of boundaries, they can't feel good about themselves. Breaking confidences is another abuse of tactic.

Concerns shared between two people should remain between them. confidences should not be shared, even if a person thinks that it wouldn't matter. One of the hallmarks of dysfunctional families is third party communication and alliances. And it gets crazy because a person never knows who's telling the truth. It's all about intensity. Rather than intimacy, it's a lot easier just to keep conversations one on one.

Third Party communication is a foul. It should be avoided like the plague. Lying is certainly unfair. Breaking promises repeatedly impedes good communication. Not being supportive emotionally is also abusive. Be careful with this though it doesn't mean a person should always get what they want.

It means that if a person is going to be involved in a relationship, they should act in an emotional and not in a withholding manner. In general, this does not mean a person gets what they want when they want it. Acting critical, calling names bringing up the past to hurt someone are all abusive. neglecting the other's needs deliberately and so another example of cheating like fighting, pushing buttons on purpose is another abuse of technique. Making fun or treating someone like a child or a parent is equally abusive. treating them as an inferior or superior doesn't allow for the full individuality of the person.

That person is treating the individual as a role more than a person. It is not respectful, ignores or doesn't listen to the others opinion makes true communication impossible as well. That doesn't mean they have to agree with each other, that they should be able to listen to each other's opinions and take them seriously. being disrespectful or rude in any way, such as reading the newspaper, when someone is talking is abusive. Not taking no for an answer. And continuing to step over someone's boundaries is also impolite.

Acting pushy is another example of not respecting another person and their rights. Someone who gives advice not asked for has no real sense of individual boundaries. It's a very codependent thing to do and a presumptuous one. Why should a person tell another what they should do? Why should they think they know better? My guess is if a person needs help, they'll ask for it.

They don't need prompting. acting in a demanding way, being judgmental, trying to fix or save, being manipulative or blaming all our actions that essentially do not treat the other person as a respectful individual adult. Shotgun blasting is not staying on one subject long enough to resolve it and hitting on as many weak points as that person can buster. That is not done with the purpose. resolving anything. Physical abuse or sexual abuse of any kind is not to be tolerated.

This includes sexualization, which is basically talking about sexual issues in an inappropriate way, telling sexual jokes to people who are under age, or treating someone in too familiar a manner. There should be an appropriate sense of ebb and flow to a conversation, though people don't often have it. They also quite often have a poor idea of territorial boundaries. I once had a friend who was very tall about six, seven, and he was standing only a couple of inches away. At the time, I didn't want to hurt his feelings, which was a very codependent way of thinking. So I back up, and he would follow because his sense of physical space was only an inch away.

And that's what he felt was appropriate. He wasn't doing something to deliberately mean, he just wasn't aware of doing it at all. Strings Attached to gifts is another foul. gifts are simply gifts they are not barter. If it is barter the person wants they should let the other person know what the contract is. withholding behaviors are usually a technique just to get back at the other person for some perceived wrong.

If someone doesn't want to do something, that's fine. If a person does not want to do it, in order to retaliate, that is not inappropriate secrets or threats are also abusive. There shouldn't be any kind of threats and usually secrets are unnecessary. This is different than a person minding their own business. Telling secrets is usually a hostile act against another person. Excessive teasing is a passive aggressive form of abuse.

A person winds up hurting so One and then denies that it ever happened or claims that the intent was pure