Where I've been Oh my god, it must be so nice to have so much free time. Oh, here we go with your nag nag nag you I'm not pulling your weight around this house. I am not your damn slave Yo, yo, I work full time. I take care of the cars I take care of the outside chores I do a lot around here. What do you want from you don't care about me. You don't you don't help me out with the parenting.
You don't take me out anymore? What Tell me what good are you? Good? Am I when was last time we made love? Like why would I want to do that with you with the way you treat me? You kidding me?
Maybe if you treated me with a little respect. Oh my gosh, maybe I would want to be with you. But now when you treat me like I don't matter. So just like your mother, you leave my mother out of this. If you are half the man my father is you treat me with love and respect or maybe you just need to go find something just like your father. I'm adding what you see in this role playing x sighs are two people who are clearly in child mode, they are fighting and trying to score points, but they are certainly not listening or communicating.
Many of the abusive rules that are listed in the boundaries DVD are being broken, such as name calling, cussing, and being sarcastic, and shotgun blasting by bringing up way too many issues at one time. They are also raising their voices and standing toe to toe, which is bound to lead to an escalation of the problem and violates the principles listed in the communication DVD. A search assertiveness and effective communication is easy as long as both people follow the assertive rules, which include paraphrasing and validating. However, for people to be able to do that they must stay in their adult. If a button gets hid out of childhood, people often revert back to old and immature patterns. Then they simply try to hurt the other person.
They're much more likely to do this. If the partnership interpersonal bond is broken. I think couples only fight about a few things. Do you love me? Do you respect me? Do you care about me?
Do you see me as an equal? And are you trying to shame me? If any of the first four no and the fifth one is yes, in the partners opinion, then they are much more likely to stop listening and Riverdance childhood. Well, I'm feeling really overloaded and overwhelmed with all the chores around the house and I really work hard but I need some more help. Okay, so really what's going on is you're just feeling overloaded with everything that's going on around the house. Also with the kids.
Yeah, just been feeling that way. Just feel they suddenly cool. Yeah, it's been I mean, it used to be more equal. But it doesn't feel like that anymore. I know you're really busy, but I really could use some more help with the chores and the parenting, especially since Nathan is still so young. Okay, so you're just feeling like things are just just on equal.
You know, you've been feeling this way. Just recently, there's been going on for some time. Well, it hasn't been very long, maybe a couple months or so this has been out of balance. And I didn't really say anything because I thought things would just work out itself, but it hasn't. Okay, so you're feeling I'm sorry, that you've been feeling so overloaded and not supported? Thanks.
I appreciate that. Thanks for caring. You know, you know, I've been really busy and work and I just haven't really noticed how, how overloaded you Ben, tell you what, let's sit down. We'll look at the practicalities of all the duties going on. And we'll divide him up in a way that we both feel is fair. How does that sound?
Sounds a lot better. Thanks. I really appreciate it. Let's talk more tonight. Okay, okay. In this interaction, the same two people are clearly in their adult roles.
They are focused on listening and trying to understand the other. It is an eye vow relationship. No one is trying to win and neither partners assuming that the other person does not care about what they're saying, or them personally. Therefore, the desire is to negotiate and compromise instead of defend and defeat the other person. True consensus can be achieved in a relationship such as this. When people feel respected, and listened to the practicalities, and details of an agreement are usually very easy.
In this example, Brad is paraphrasing in the typical way of simply summarizing what he heard, but he also uses the paraphrasing to check out the assumptions to what he thinks he heard this way. is an excellent way to not have misunderstandings. However, it is important to ask these assumptions in a neutral and truly questioning manner, which Brad did