Have you described your problem statement in a factual manner talking about how you felt? Well done. If you haven't, you shouldn't be here. So hit pause and get back to lesson one. If you want to get the most out of this training, you need to take action. So by now, I'm assuming you have your problem statement.

Ready. I'm going to talk about the second step of your preparation, which is all about you state. Your state is how you feel in the moment. And in what type of conditions you're going to enter into this difficult conversation. Let me start with a quick story. It's a fascinating story.

I was once flying and sat next to me a professional negotiator. We were talking about his job. And I was fascinated because I find it so difficult to be negotiating in this type of environment where you have such a level of pressure, because people lives depend on your performance. And I asked him, what's your secret? How Do you manage to tune down those criminals? Were ready to kill people?

And how do you convince them to change their plans? And this is what he told me. He said, Greg, actually, what I do is, I only enter the crime scene, when I have a deep sense of gratitude and appreciation for the terrorists. That sounded very counterintuitive to me. So I asked him, How did you do this? How can you manage to get into this type of state when they're ready to kill people?

And they have no reason for that those are innocent people's. And this is what he told me. So yeah, but that's the only way I'm going to be able to convince them. If I don't have a sense of gratitude and appreciation, I'm not going to enter into a conversation and a negotiation. And this is how he was doing it. You would imagine this criminal when he was a baby and he would imagine how this person We grow.

And all the occasions all the difficult experiences that this person must have gone through through their childhood with their parents, where they were probably not treated well, where they probably suffered a lot. And through that progressively, he was increasing his level of empathy and appreciation for the person. And when he felt that he really was overwhelmed with full empathy and genuine appreciation, you will enter the crime scene. So, why am I saying all this to you? Because actually, in a difficult conversation, it is absolutely critical that you stay away from your emotions and that you start the conversation with a state where you appreciate or at least respect the person that you're going to have a discussion with. And that means rule number one is you never start a difficult conversation.

When you're under emotions. It's not when you're angry or hurt. or any type of other emotion that you want to do this? Anyways, you have to prepare your problem statement. And that requires you to take some time off to prepare, right, this time off is actually a way for you to separate from the emotions to get your mind right, get into the right state before you start the conversation. So that's rule number one, no emotions, make sure that you stay out.

And if it was a recent experience, just at least take 30 seconds and take a few deep breath and just look around, watch outside the sky, even you know the song. Just change your mind just at least for 30 seconds just to recover your capacity and only then get into the place. Ideally, give it more time. Is there really a reason to rush to think about it if you can increase your time To succeed by waiting for another hour, wouldn't you do that? That's number one. Then another frame that I like to use, which comes from Search Inside Yourself, which is a great meditation set of techniques invented by someone in Google.

Look it up if you're interested, is the just like me, frame. This technique is just a way for you to remember this, this other person with whom you're having a difficulty is another person just like you. And they have feelings and emotions just like you. And they're doing the best they can most probably, just like you. They've been, they may be missing some points, and they may not understand the full picture of where you're coming from. And just like you, they're just human, and they may do mistakes.

And that doesn't mean they're bad persons. That may just mean that In that situation, their behavior was not right according to your expectations. So remember that they are just humans, just like you, and that everybody is allowed to make mistakes. And I can hear my voice now, this is will, this is just going to temper your state, bringing back to a sense of gratitude and respect for the other person. And I guarantee you guys if you do this, the impact you will have on the other person will be amplified by 10. At least.

This is the just like you frame. So remember, a deep sense of respect, and even gratitude for the other person will considerably increase your chances of succeeding to pass your message and ending up in a state where your relationship is not damaged. On the opposite, it may be even empowered. And the other thing is, this person is just like him. Take your time before getting into the discussion. This time will be helpful to prepare your problem statement and to change your state.

Trust me, this is so important, and I know how difficult it is to have this crucial conversation. So give you a chance give yourself more chances to succeed by taking some time off cooldown before you make it happen. Now you're into the right state. Let's get into it.