Okay, by now you have identified a difficult discussion that you want to have with someone well done for having the courage to prepare for that. Get ready for some amazing results and breakthroughs through that issue that you have, and for the relationship that you're building with that person. I'm really excited for you. So in this video, we're going to talk about how you will prepare to describe your problem to the person. This is really what this is about. And there are two steps in doing that.

The first one is gather and prepare your facts. Talk about facts, not judgment. That's number one. Number two, talk about you, not the other person. So facts, not judgment. You not the other person.

Facts. You need to think about the situation you're in you need to think about what happens you need to think about your situation and your problem in a factual manner. The metaphor you can use for that is to imagine that there is a camera recording the scene that you want to describe, say, for example, that somebody talked to you in a way that was really harmful. You want to describe this as a camera would. A camera doesn't pick up human feelings, emotions, it doesn't make any judgments. So for example, you wouldn't say, well, the other day when you talk to me, you were really aggressive and disrespectful.

Because those are two judgments. This aggressive and disrespectful with the camera, I would say is the other day when you were talking to me, you were speaking with a very light voice and your eyes were wide open all over me, and you were pointing your finger towards me. So there's three key facts, the loudness of the voice, the look with your eyes wide open and the finger pointing at you. So collect as As many facts as you can, why, because those are things that cannot be challenged and cannot be discussed. They don't differ from one perception or another, and the person will have to agree with you. If you present facts, this is why it is so powerful.

You start making judgments, it's all relative, and the person will start debating with you whether your judgment is correct or similar to theirs. And if you go down that route, it's not going to get you anywhere. If you present facts, it's going to bring the two persons together onto the same level of agreement. So talk about facts, not judgment. It will also be very specific, very non aggressive, because making a judgement about a situation is imposing your model of the world onto somebody else. And in some occasions that can be highly frustrating for the other person, because they don't experience the situation in the same way.

So get back to your facts. Number two is to talk about yourself. This is so critical is actually one of the main rules I use in my couple. Because when I start talking about my counterpart, my partner and start saying what they do wrong, I'm going into that and and i know it. So the rule is talk about you, and especially talk about how this situation made you feel. Here are some words that you may find useful.

Things like feeling powerless, feeling clueless, feeling excluded, feeling anxious or scared or doubtful or feeling excluded from the discussion. This type of feeling can can be very much appreciated and will trigger a deep resonating reflection on to the other person. It will aspire for. More gratitude, more empathy from the other person, because you talk about you having some difficult experience through what happened. There's no offense and no judgment about the other person. It's really just about you.

One word of caution that I wanted to make here is, be aware that if you say, I felt like you were angry at me, this is a judgment. You're just wrapping it up as if it's a feeling of yours. But really, what you're saying is, you were angry at me. So I'm not talking about those. in general. If you say you in a sentence, this is a signal that you may be going down the wrong path.

So be very aware of the word you and anytime you have a temptation to talk about the other person. break this pattern, come back to yourself and talk about how you felt. At the end of the day. Your problem statement describes a situation in a factual matter And it describes the impact it had on you personally. As you can see, a difficult discussion uses the same processes and the same techniques as you would do for feedback, because it's the same impact. So, remember those two rules.

When you prepare your problem statement, talk about the situation that caused an issue, talk about your problem in a factual manner. And then explain in deep words of emotions, how it felt for you, what impact it had on you. facts, no judgments about yourself, not the other person. When you do those two, you will prepare a clear problem statement, and you will be ready to present it to the other person. So right now, think about the difficult discussion that you prepare for, and describe your problem statement using those two rules. It's your turn Go