Words are very important if you don't have articulacy, it's very difficult to express yourself and it becomes frustrating. And it means that you're struggling all the time to put the ball over the net to be understood to be expressed in the world. And sadly, the research tends to indicate that words are becoming less familiar to people. This may be the effect of text, it may be the effect of listening to things other than speaking a lot of the time, it may be the effect of incessant viewing of films or whatever on TV or the internet. Whatever it is, it appears that younger people use less words and older people. And that is a bit of an issue.

Now, there may be an argument to say that they haven't had as long on the earth. They haven't learned as many words and I'm sure there's part of that in there as well. Nevertheless, when you think of the use of the word like, I don't think it's quite so prevalent as it used to be a few years ago and I'm like, And he's like, and I'm like, and he's like that is dumbing the language down. There are other words for to say, then and I'm like, and if you use the same words over and over and over again, it does tend to dumb down your communication to make it coarser. Now I have a little exercise for you Here are three actually three good things to do in order to improve your vocabulary, which is always a work in progress. I do it all the time.

So reading, absolutely crucial. Reading good books, intelligent books, that will help you with your vocabulary, because you'll be coming across words all the time that perhaps are not too familiar or used in different contexts or just elegantly expressed. You can get apps for all of your devices, which bring up words as a screensaver that's really useful to or apps that serve your new word everyday to consider. And then finally, crosswords, I do the times cryptic crossword everyday. I love it and it's one I try to keep my aging brain fit and healthy. I do recommend crosswords whether they're concise or cryptic, it's up to you.

Crosswords are very good for connecting you with words all the time, get a good dictionary on your phone or your computer as well. Now, there are some words which don't serve. And I'd like to end with these the danger words, the words that I recommend, you perhaps don't use as one I recommend you eliminate all together, actually, because I can't think of a single profitable use of this word and it's the word should. I honestly can't think how this can serve in any way other than negatively. I should have done that. I should have been much better than I am.

You should lose some weight. Should is it's a judgmental word at its heart. It is possible to express things in different ways. I plan to lose some weight, and I am going to do something about it not I should lose some weight should is always judgmental If you get people giving you shoulds, you can always say things like, well, thanks. I wasn't really looking for any advice about that, or thanks for your advice, if you want to be really polite, or why do you think that? Thanks for your opinion.

So, I would definitely attach a little alarm bell to this word, and certainly attempt to use it less in your vocabulary. Now, the next little word is a little bit like bind wheat. It's very pernicious, and it tends to crop up a great deal in conversation. And it is a weakening word in your speech. Just I'm not talking about the adjective. He's a just man.

That's a wonderful word. I'm talking about the adverbial use here, as in, I'll just have one. How many times have we ever said that and got into trouble? Or she's just a secretary, which is a demeaning, it's a diminutive, it's a reducing word. And actually, when it's used in conversation, a lot of the time it's an elided apology, I just like to say, is a rather weak way of saying I'd like to say, just in that particular context is it's not much it's really small. Could you please let me it's a very Craven connotation of the word in that context.

The example I was giving is walk on stage and say I'd just like to start with some housekeeping announcements, which sounds perfectly normal until you compare it with walking on stage and saying, I'd like to start with some housekeeping announcements, which sounds 10 times as confident, apologizing to people before you ask them something is a weakness, and it does not deliver your request in a powerful way. The word just, I will now start using it incessantly because it's very pernicious. And as soon as you've said it once it starts to crop up everywhere. Another one that is easy to replace actually is the word bucked, which tends to act as a roadblock in conversation a great deal of the time. I like you, but you know that after the Roadblock, comes the meaty bit you can replace Place it everywhere with the word and I think pretty much everywhere and you'll get a better result.

I like you and Okay, that flows and I'm I heard the first bit of I can register that you've got a suggestion for me Do try that you can do it as a spellcheck in anything written just take a look there was just Did you see that? A spellcheck in anything written take the word but search for it and replace it universally with the word and and just see Ah, there it is again and see if that doesn't improve the way your pros flows. final set of words to really think about the maximizes always never those words that come into an argument and Oh, they really come it down, don't they? Not? You never listen to me what never, never that person has never listened to you. You always say that.

Always. These words are generally incorrect. They're generalizations, in one word, massive generalizations, and they tend to inflame arguments. So I do recommend that you, again, attach a little alarm bell to those. And if you hear yourself saying those question, Is that true? It probably isn't.

So exercise on those where do these words come up in your life? Again, take some time, think about them should just but always never, where do they come up in your life? Do you use them to other people? Do other people use them to you and what effect Do they have and what you want to do about it? Now, the final thing I'd like to cover in this tour of the dark side, the things that really wreck communication is things that get in the way when we're in argument. And we all have them.

First buttons over time we've had whoo We've had hurt, we've had rough experiences and they become buttons, or they become triggers. Somebody says something quite innocently to us and it reminds us of something from the past. And outcomes that pent up anger from years ago. completely inappropriate to the current situation. Now, there's not much you can do to heal those immediately. It takes work, it takes effort.

Sometimes it takes years. However, becoming aware of them again, as always, is the first enormously important step. So what are your buttons? What are your particular triggers? And then outbound, we may have Bobs that we know how to use, particularly if you've been in a relationship for a long time with somebody you know exactly where their sensitive spots are. And you can unkindly stick a BB in there at any time.

If you're feeling mean spirited or Like getting revenge or whatever it may be. So again, becoming aware of your use of Barb's and how perhaps you might want to challenge that. And from time to time, there are also the bombs that we can drop really big things you know the things that make the whole argument go nuclear immediately that insult that reminder that particular word or description. So let's do a little exercise on those What are your particular buttons and triggers in particular, try to be clear also about your BB some bombs, and perhaps restrain yourself from using them because they don't tend to help in life and they don't cause understanding and harmony. So, that is a tour of the dark side that's been quite extensive. I hope this is useful to you.

I hope this has revealed to you a lot of things that perhaps you can take action about, which we'll clarify which we'll block out The holes in your bucket focus the power of your communication and stop it from being wasted and being pulled away with these things that can really and in so many cases that do really undermine communication power