All right, so welcome, welcome welcome everyone to managing workplace conflict with Coach sharees. Or coach CTE. Some people know me as Sheree. Some people know me as Tammy, and I'm comfortable with either one. But I'm excited to bring this session to you today, really, because I'm really, really passionate about making sure that people have the tools that they need inside the workplace real time right when it happens. A lot of times when workplace conflict happens, you get sent to HR and you get sent to EP and you get sent to all sorts of places that doesn't necessarily help you at the moment.

And so that's what I want to bring to you today. So, a little bit about me, I'm 20 years experience. I've been coaching and consulting. I spent 15 years in corporate eight years in nonprofit and government. I did some facilitating the coach and facilitating teams and thousands of projects, you name it, emotional intelligence. I've had hundreds of teams that I've dealt with.

And I've seen a lot of things happen within teams and within conflict and within people. And I've always wondered, where is the help? So, that's just a little bit about me. I am certified through international association coaching. I also have a great assessment tool that I use to help with personal development called the total SDI. And we'll probably talk about that little bit more, because it's going to be part of the presentation.

So I'm just going to go ahead and move forward here. So, so my today's learning objectives really is about providing the resources and tools really to manage the workplace conflict in real time. Whether you are a manager or you're an employee, I do want to always give you the caveat that you should always, always follow your your company's policy policies and procedures, whatever that may be. So if you don't know, check with a supervisor, but I'm giving you tips and tools on really how to deal with workplace conflict. As it happens. I want to make sure that I'm coaching you around self awareness, self regulation, and really about communication styles.

What are some of your communication styles and your co workers communication styles that may kind of hinder you from maybe working through that conflict. And last but not least, I want to help you learn how to identify your role and your responsibility during conflicts. So What my experience tells me a lot of times is that when conflict is coming, people tend not to look at what their role is. And so my coaching is really about, again, self awareness and you learning about self and how you participate in the conflict and how you deal with in how your reaction is to so this session is for, again, employees, managers, employees that may be struggling with performance, struggling committees or teams, or maybe people who are just kind of seem to always be in the middle of conflict at work, and you kind of know who those people are.

We don't have to call them out but you know who those folks are, you know, the lady with the punching the boxing gloves on ready, the team members that are always fighting person that's always in someone else's face gossipers all of those things are happening in real time at work. And so what do you do so the benefits This group coaching session is that I want you to learn take these tools. This is kind of what my process looks like. So I want you to learn and take these tools, go back into the workforce and actually try using them. They're going to be times that you succeed, and they're going to be definitely times that you struggle with using the tools until you get comfortable with using them on a regular basis. But I am helping you.

My goal is to help coach you through this whole process here. Right. If you have questions, you can type in the chat box. I will not promise that I will get to them during this session, but I will promise that after this session is over that I will go through all the questions and I will make sure that I will personally get back to you if you have specific questions or specific incidences that you want to kind of run by me and and we can chat about it. So I always like to give a quote of the day. My quota today is knowing others is intelligence.

Knowing your Self is true wisdom, mastering others strength, strength, and mastering yourself is true power. So, for me, that just tells me that again, it goes all the way back to self. If you can master yourself, your reactions, your self regulation, and be aware of how you contribute to conflict in the workplace, I'm telling you this, it'd be awesome. So what is workplace conflict? Well, yeah, we know that conflict can be just two employees getting into it because of differences or whatever it may be. But technical definition of workplace conflict is just its organization organizational conflict.

It's a state of discord caused by actual or perceived opposition. So there can be actual and there can be perception and I say a lot of times it's 5050 sometimes is actually happening and sometimes it is actually perceived. And we're going to talk a little bit about that, as well. But a few causes of conflict is unclear roles, which is really a big thing. A lot of people are not really clear on what their roles are unclear expectations, that workflow processes you can have two people doing the same job and do two different workflows. And it causes conflict, whether it causes conflict within your current situation or it causes conflict down the line.

No accountability can definitely cause conflict. and lack of learning and development can definitely cause conflict. You can be going on for years working on a job for years, but if you're not constantly or yearly, getting some sort of personal development or something like that, within the company, it can become stagnant and that can also cause Little bit of conflict. So some examples of workplace conflict, it can be individuals, you know, usually it's an employee and a supervisor, they just kind of differ on what the expectations are two or more employees, personality, conflict, work ethic, bad attitudes, work ethic is probably using the biggest name. So this is just from me to you. Just because you go to work every day and you put all your all into your work does not mean that Suzy next to you is going to do the same thing.

And you cannot expect her to have that same work ethic. She may be doing the minimum of what her job description says, and you may be the person that you just go above and beyond because that's just the person that you are and that's the work ethic that you have. But you can't expect for the next person to have that same work ethic and when there's an expectation that everyone has the same work. ethic, major conflict. Okay. And groups, groups can definitely have disagreements, whether it's between frontline staff or managers.

Definitely teams, you will have lots of conflict. So, alright, so this is what I call coach CTS, golden tidbits. This is something that I want you to think about. And as an employee or as a manager, the first thing that I have you think about is exploring emotional intelligence training. It's out there, it's pretty easy to get a hold of, and as an employee, and as a manager, you both can request emotional intelligence training. My suggestion is that it takes place at least once a year in a company, but if it doesn't, you have to look at self and you have to look at self personal development, you know, so doing emotional intelligence training at least once a year is great.

Unclear roles, you should be having a conversation about what roles and responsibilities individuals have, again, whether it's a manager or an employee in a written form so that people understand exactly what's going on. Because again, you can have three different employees, same workflow, but they all do something different. So you want to make sure that people roles are very clear on clear expectations, so making sure that you clarify expectations on an ongoing basis, you can think that you can clarify what you need on both ends, you know, once every quarter, but maybe that person's communication style, they may need more than just once a quarter to be clear on what their expectations are. So you want to look at the situation as it comes. But ongoing clarification of expectations will really help with minimizing workplace conflict. And then bad workflows, if there have been workflows that have been identified as in causing the issues.

Look for improvement opportunities take the time because the longer that you continue with the bad workflows, the more workplace conflict you're going to have, and you're not even now dealing with the bad workflows, you're now dealing with bad workflows, and employees who are pissed because of bad workflows. So look for opportunities to definitely do some improvement. All right, so moving along, I'm moving along. If you have any questions, again, please feel free to type them in and I will make my effort to get to them. So my main A is, um, let's see workplace bullying. All right.

And so you don't think of this maybe as a conference. late, but it really really is and it causes lots of problems. So this is my, my depiction of workplace bullying and you may see some very famous workplace bullies that you see all the time. You got the line isn't in the whole peanuts game, and of course you got 50 cent and of course you got the Mean Girls and you got Gordon Ramsay and you got 50 cent, and you got so, common denominator with all of those bullies. I think that they personally need love. But hey, that's just what I think.

But they have all been accused of being a workplace bully. All right. Okay, so how many of you guys actually feel like this picture here? You feel like when you're at work, either it's a supervisor that's yelling at you or a colleague. As yelling at you, or maybe it's a customer who was yelling at you, I don't know. But I think this was a really funny depiction of it because people do feel like this every single day.

I've been there before where I felt like I was just being yelled and screamed at all the time. So, I want to give you a little bit of data. If you get to know me, I love numbers. And I like facts, and I love data. So did you know that 16 million Americans are affected by workplace bullying? That is a lot.

And that says a lot that no one's saying anything about it. Um, 40% of the bullies are targeted. They end up the people usually end up having workplace stress, which makes people call out sick, which make people take sick leave, which made people go home sick because they're dealing with these stress related problems. Let's see. 61% of Americans are actually aware that the workplace bullying is happening, but no one does anything. And that's really tough for me to see in here because I've been in the situation where I felt like I have been bullied in the workplace and didn't have any help.

And to know that everyone around you sees it as well, but no one does anything. It's a tough thing to deal with. So I always I just kind of vowed to say I would try to help people figure out how to deal with it right then and there and not let it become this whole buildup. Okay. So some of the common signs of workplace bullying, abusive or offensive language, unwelcome behavior, unreasonable insults or criticism and exclusion isolation. accusations that is a big one.

And I don't think some people really think about that as bullying. Along with sabotage, you may not really think that that's a form of bullying, but it actually is. If you think about it, how many times have you maybe been at work or you know, someone who said, You know, I feel like my work is being sabotage or somebody kind of going behind my back and kind of, you know, or they're perceiving something that's happening. Those are actually serious forms of bullying. trivializing someone's work achievements, you may be the person that just got the best attendance award, because you decide to come to work every day. And then you have Ms. Janet next to you who you know, basically says, you know, there's like a, you know, that is a definitely form of bullying.

And if you consider me a suck up, that's great, but you can keep those comments to yourself, but it's still an achievement, and it's my achievement. So I want you to think of these signs. When you Or you know, during work time and if you're seeing these things, you may want to reach out and get some help. So all right, this is kind of coach tees. Check yourself moment. I want to go back to self awareness and I want to make sure that people look at themselves and think about how they are contributing to workplace conflict.

So, the first thing I want you to ask yourself and I want you to actually take this as homework because being part of my coaching group, you will have homework and I will definitely be showing you how to move through these things. So, the first thing I want to ask you is, Are you clear on what your career objectives are because if you are not clear in your career objectives, sometimes you can perceive things that are going on at work that may not even be there just because you're in a situation where you don't really want to be. And that causes conflict where it may not really be. So I want you to think about Are you clear on your career objectives? The next thing I want you to do is I want you to say out loud, that I could possibly be wrong. That happens, people are wrong, you're not right all the time.

And sometimes you can be looking at a situation just from a different perspective, but there is a possibility that you could be wrong. So I want you to think about that. Um, also, when it comes to conflict, focus on the actionable things so, you know, trivializing and giving opinions, that sort of thing. Just make sure that you're focusing on actionable things that are going on. Another thing I want you to check about yourself is are you getting enough sleep so let's just keep it real. If you're not sleeping, you are waking up the next morning and you are grouchy and you are getting on the freeway.

And if you're freeways anything like Southern California freeways, you're pissed off on the freeway and then when you step foot into the door, you're still pissed off. So are you getting enough sleep? Are you getting enough exercise? Are you getting those endorphins going? Are you getting those feel good feelings and energy every day every couple days. Again, this is a check yourself moment.

So this is all for you. Are you eating healthy? You know, I'm a little bit older, when I don't eat healthy, my stomach is horrible. Like I feel crappy and I have an attitude. So if you are not eating healthy, and you are sitting at your desk eating hot cheetos, your stomach is probably a little irritated and you are probably not getting the nutrients that you need. So you want to think about that.

And the next thing I want you to think about is do you reward yourself for your accomplishments at work. Sometimes we wait for our supervisors or in leadership and management to acknowledge the things that we've done when really, we should just, you know, give ourselves our pat on the back and celebrate our own unconscious accomplishments so that you're not feeling like you're not getting anything. So learn how to celebrate yourself. Are you clear on your boss's expectations? So as an employee, don't be afraid to go to your leader, your boss or supervisor and say, You know what, I'm not clear. I'm telling you.

They will respect that more than you moving along really not clear on what the expectations are, which creates conflict. So go to your boss and say, Hey, I'm not really clear. Can we have a few minutes meeting and talk about how I can get clear? Are you on time to meetings and discussions and appointments in team huddles, so if you are the person that's always late to everything. Trust me, it is causing conflict. So I want you to check yourself, make sure that you are trying to get to meetings on time, and you are not pissing off everybody who's sitting around waiting.

Okay? And last but not least, I want you to look at the big picture. You know, sometimes conflict is not as big as we make it out to be. That's just keep it real. Sometimes people just like to function in conflict and make bigger deals out of certain things. So I want you to think about the big picture and making sure that you are not the workplace bully.

So, here is a couple of my coach tees golden tidbits. So these are things that you can actually do with workplace bullies. So I want you to set limits, whether you're setting limits verbally out loud or you're setting limits in your mind. When I think back to the situation that I was in, and I was being bullied at work, I did not set limits. I let it continue and continue to where the person was very comfortable with doing it. So you need to make sure you set limits.

You also need to make sure that if you're going to go to HR, or if you're going to go to your leaders or whoever it may be that you describe in detail what the behavior is, again, don't editorialize or don't give opinions. facts, speak louder than words. So make sure that you are giving details of what the actual situation is going on. And don't ignore it. I think that makes the situation worse. If you know it's happening, whether it's happening to you or if it's happening to someone you know, in the workplace.

Please don't ignore it because it just gives the bully more power. explained to the bully how it's impacting your work. Explain to your leaders how it's impacting your work, because numbers make sense. dollars make sense. And if it's affecting your work, that means that things are not getting put out and things are not being accomplished and leaders don't like that. So you want to talk about how it's impacting your work.

And anytime that you feel like you're being bullied or you're experiencing bullying behavior, make sure that you document you write things down, you making sure that you're keeping track of all of these things, because at some point, someone is going to ask you about them. All right. So what you were seeing now is my, what I call my motivational value system. That's the total SDI tool that I use for my team and my coaching clients to really assess what their motives are, what their strengths are, and how they deal with conflict. It's an online assessment test, I can give you lots more information, another time and date but and you can always email me and I can send you information but this is a wonderful Because it really helps you learn how you communicate, and it makes you kind of look at others and these colors and saying who am I dealing with?

And how am I dealing with them. So, um, the test is about 30 minutes or so, but it gives you again your complex sequence. So, if you look at the the first three boxes by my face there, oh, so my top three strengths are persevering, methodical and competitive. And I will actually say that those strengths can be looked at as overdone. And how do other people see those strengths? Do they look at my perseverance as she's a little bit too pushy, she's, she's bullying you know, she's she's kind of wanting things to happen pretty fast.

So those are things that I have to be aware of myself. Um, you You can see down at the bottom there communicating with me during conflict. I like to keep the conversation rational and unemotional. And again, this is just me, and this is my conflict sequence. I love for other people to take this because I'd be interested in seeing how they move around in conflict. But I need to have a quick and logical response, you know, and I want to listen and make sure that I totally understand what the conflict is so that I can move directly into trying to resolve conflict.

My last stage of conflict is if I'm not resolving it in the first two stages, the Thursday's is usually not really good for me, I usually just kind of let it go. So these are great things to really learn about yourself and learn about how you communicate and how this will help you in the workplace. Okay, so, and again, questions, type them in the chat box, I promise, I'll get back to you. But I want to make sure that I am conscious of everyone's time because you didn't have to spend your lunch with me. But she did. So here are a few things that I want you to think about when you are having a conversation with your leader about how workplace bullying may be impacting you.

So you always want to start off the conversation with data and facts versus emotions. And I know sometimes emotions can really take over especially if you're the person that's being bullied. You're just it's an emotional thing. No one likes to deal with it. But when you want to come with to your leaders or come to a supervisor, you want to make sure that you have your data and you have your facts, okay. Um, you want to make sure that you talk to them about these quick lists.

You can pick maybe two or three things of this list that you see here. So, um, when you have workplace bullying, you have increased absenteeism, people call in sick all the time, people on medical leave all the time. Because they just don't want to deal with what's going on. And you may have a lack of respect for authority. So, you know, maybe you have supervisors in there where your staff just really don't respect them. Because there's no accountability for the things that are happening for the conflict that are that's happening.

So you want to think about that. High staff turnover, that's a clear indication. These are things that you can pick out and start your conversations out with your leaders to say, Hey, we have high staff turnover or Hey, we have lack of, you know, motivation with our employees, lack of employee engagement, you know, our worker comp claims are really up, you know, kind of what's going on. These are things that you can start off the conversation with, versus she looked at me funny, and that's why we're having a conflict. You're usually not going to get the results that you're looking for when you come with the emotion. So sorry about that.

And again, if you are the company that has 20 employees and 10 out of those 20 employees are calling in sick three times a month, you got a problem. You need to look at your workplace conflict and you need to work look at bullying in the workplace. Okay, so here is cosi T's golden tidbits. One of the things I want you to always do is to make sure that you have a pin and pad handy when you are in your office. We are in the age of telephones, and iPads and tablets, and you name it, we are all there. But let me tell you how powerful a pin and a piece of paper is.

When you walk around your office with a pen and a piece of paper always ready to document what's going on. People kind of look at that a little bit different because you're doing it in real time, and they know that you're paying attention. So always have a pen and paper ready and I want you To download one moment meditation, it is an app. It's in the eye store and it's on Google Play Store. But it's called One moment meditation. And if you sent me your information, I will make sure that you get a link to one moment meditation.

But literally one minute, before you get out the car, every morning, do one moment meditation that will definitely help you, especially if you already have anticipated conflict and you know that it's going to be happening. Just do that one moment meditation, take that deep breath so that you can, you know, walk on in there and do what you need to do. Um, focus on the job performance, making sure that you focus on your work and how you are delivering your goods in the workplace. Because I guarantee you, when you're going to go and talk to you know, your leaders about workplace bullying or workplace conflict, the first thing that they're going to do is they're going to really look at you and make sure that you're on top of your stuff. So focus on your job performance. Hall bullying, what it is, don't, don't ignore it.

Seek help. Again, don't go through this by yourself and, you know, don't come to work every day and have to deal with the bullying, make sure that you're seek help. For managers and supervisors, I definitely suggest that you investigate complaints promptly. So if you just kind of let them go by, you know, maybe one person told you that Mr. Jeffrey over here is a bully, and maybe a second person told you now a third person is telling you that it really you lose credibility. And that's where you start losing your staff. So you want to make sure that you investigate your complaints promptly.

Um, keep a bottle of water at your desk and I know you're looking at that, like, why would I keep a bottle of water in my desk, because if you've ever noticed that when you're in conflict, or something's going on, his throat gets kind of dry. If you don't have a bottle of water, that dry throat can kind of lead you to maybe say something that you don't necessarily want to say. So keep a bottle of water at your desk, take your breaks, whether your hourly salary, I don't care what it is you are it's it's legal, you're supposed to take a break in if you're not taking breaks that can definitely contribute to workplace conflict. And always think about a resolution as well you know if there's a problem when you go to the leaders make sure that problem has some an idea for a solution.

Don't just go with the problems they hear and it off and say that's it. You know, what's your solution? Can we sit down and have a brainstorming session so we can figure out how to work through this. And the last thing is, I suggest is don't take it home. You know, I want you to think about your the doors that you walk out of every day as once those doors closed and you are into your car, you're leaving work at work relieving in the parking lot. Are you And get it in the building because taking it home creates conflict at home, which is a whole cycle this because you're going to wake up the next morning and now you've got conflict at work.

And at night, you're in this whole little cycle of conflict. So think about it. Don't take it own. Okay. All right. So future coaching topics.

So this particular session is around personal development. And some of the other topics that I'm going to have is workplace stress, imbalance of work, because let's face it, some people do more work than others. And so how do you deal with that? We're going to take a deep dive into coworker battles. It's happening at so many different example of coworker battles and telling you guys it's, you'd be amazed some of the stuff that I've seen, we're going to take a deep dive into the person who is constantly calling in sick. How do you deal with them?

How do you deal with As the as the coworker who when that person calls in sick, I end up having to take all their work on how do I deal with that? We're going to definitely take a bigger, deep dive into self awareness in the workplace again, because I think it starts with self. And if you learn self regulation and self awareness and how you communicate, it will absolutely cut down on workplace conflict. We're going to take a deep dive into on the worker bee, I do everything and I don't get acknowledged and I don't get awarded and I'm tired and I'm the worker bee. So I used to be that. So we're gonna take the deep dive into that.

We are going to talk about the nosy Rosie's, what do we do with them, and we're going to talk about gossip. We're going to talk about so much good stuff in this future coaching topics and so I hope that you decide to come back to my next session. This is a little bit of information about my group sessions. They will be live 30 minute coaching sessions that are promised will start on time, I will do a 10 minute kind of q&a afterwards, just in case you have a color that you want to talk about or you have questions about. So that'll be twice a month. And Roman is 5999 plus 5999.

For the first month, you can cancel at any time, but I hope that you would spend, you know six months in learning and development and really trying to figure out how you can be more successful in the corporate world if that's where you are considering to be. I have the assessment test that you saw the motivational value system with the strengths. That is a separate cost, but you can always contact me and we can talk about it. And the great thing that you'll get about the coaching sessions is that you get to contact me outside of these coaching sessions. And what will happen is is that they will always be recorded. I have a Google Classroom.

So if you're enrolled, you will get the video afterwards in the Google in our Google Classroom. And then for the people that are not enrolled, they will get it on my gift platform where they'll have to pay a little bit. Okay, so that's the benefits. Some of my other grouping, coaching groups that I have business strategy planning. I am the leader. I am the next leader.

I love that class because it's leadership development. And I just think that we need to develop more leaders. I need to grow my inner knee that's the personal development. So those are my other three coaching groups that if you are interested, please feel free to contact me. I'm here is a little homework for you and a little bit of resources and again, if you sent me your email address for this particular session, you will get all of these resources if you did not send me your info You can still do that. And I will give you the info.

So, homework this week, what did you learn about yourself? Think about what you learned about yourself and how you're communicating in the workplace. Sometimes we are not honest about how we behave, and how we're reacting to things. I want you to think about that. I'm here this is a funny YouTube video. This one's actually mine is just an icebreaker, just a funny icebreaker to help with making sure you're bringing down those walls in the workplace struggles everyone has at work.

I think that's a hilarious YouTube video, everybody needs to wash at some point. How to resolve conflict in the workplace. There's an article that I have attached there. It's a really good article. I'm big on reading and learning. So please take a few minutes.

And if you think that there may be some mental health issues within the workplace, Nami is a great organization that We'll come out. And they do wonderful presentations about the services that they offer. Just because again, I don't think that we are conscious of mental health in the workplace. We say it, you know, we say that everybody should, you know, making sure that they have a work life balance and all that kind of stuff. But are the resources really there? So, not me, it's great.

They are all over the country. And again, they come on, they do wonderful presentations. And then there's a great read that is, if you want to spend a few bucks on a book, it's on Amazon. It's called I hate people. Kick lose from the overbearing and underhanded jerks at work. It's on Amazon, it's less than 20 bucks, it is actually very hilarious.

And then last but not least, you can always check with your HR folks in your human resources people. And that's it. That's it for me. All of my information is there. My contact telephone number, email address website, social media stuff. Um, but thank you for attending thank you for spending your lunch time with me you did not have to do that.

And I hope that you got some sort of tips and tools out of this. And again, this will be uploaded into my Google Classroom if you register for this class. And if not, it will be on the gifted platform. And so I want to thank you, and have a great rest of the week. If you have any questions, contact me. Appreciate it.