What if I forgave myself? I thought, what if I forgave myself even though I'd done something I shouldn't have. But if I was a liar cheat, and there was no excuse for what I've done, other than because I wanted to do it. What if I was sorry, but if I could go back in time, I wouldn't do anything differently. What if I actually wanted to fuck every one of those people? What if heroin taught me something?

What if yes, was the right answer instead of No. What if what made me do all those things everyone thought I shouldn't have done was also what got me here. What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was? This is one of the things I ever read and saw. Reese Witherspoon i think is an overdub in the movie wild.

I think it's the very last scene. And this is so unbelievably profound, and I do think In our paradigm, there is a search for redemption. Maybe people donate their money to charity. Or maybe they call someone up and say they're sorry. But there is this, this interesting phenomenon that occurs in our culture. And when Cheryl Strayed at the end of her book says, What if I was never redeemed?

What if I already was, it just is so poignant? Because, yes, you have to live in that uncertainty. All the things that I've gone through all the pain and all the pain, I've caused others, you know, I want to be redeemed, and I, and this is who I am, and maybe I'll never be redeemed. But maybe I was the judge. Maybe I already am. You know, and so really It's just such a powerful understanding of this drive this compulsion have and you know who knows?