Now Wow, that's a that's an impressive graphic. Have you ever had trouble with a really angry person, these persons just go from zero to 60 in like 2.8 seconds. Here's some solutions. First solution. This kind of seems like an odd one is that angry people usually just need somebody to listen to them. Why are they angry?

They feel like something has been done against them. People aren't hearing what they're saying. They want to express their anger. And they want somebody to listen, that, hey, I'm not okay with this. So rather than coming back and telling them why they shouldn't be angry, or how they need to come down, or this or that, listen for a little while. Gently agree with them.

I can see where you'd be upset with that. I'd be angry too. If that happened to me. I can see you're really upset. Tell me a little bit more about that. As they tell you, they're going to vent and hopefully they're going to release and then they're going to let it go.

And they'll no longer be a problem for you or for anybody else. Almost nobody will ever listen to him. When somebody gets angry, they immediately try to calm them down, they immediately try running away, they immediately, you know, attack back, they try all these different things. They try everything but listening. So in understanding why the person is angry, listening is a good solution. Here's what else I'm going to tell you about it.

Angry people are hurt, they're damaged individuals, and they need some empathy. They need some sympathy. Nobody is that angry, without having been horribly damaged. Sometimes you're not a therapist, and you can't always fix it. But sometimes just understanding that they're a hurt person or a sick person, as opposed to a bad or nasty or evil person really helps them and if you can show a little bit of empathy for their problems and little empathy towards them. Know that they must have lived a hard road to to be this angry.

That can often help the person now, here's a great time. solution which can be very effective. Simply ask them, what would it take to solve the problem? A lot of times this person is so angry, because they're frustrated, they have a problem. They just can't deal with it. It seems like nobody's listening to them, or they've tried everything, and they're just on their last nerve.

Plus, getting them out of the problem and focusing on the solution is a brilliant thing to do. In a, they say, when I stopped focusing on the problem, and I started focusing on the solution, the problem disappeared. They're angry because they're thinking about the problem thinking about the problem thinking about the problem. That's what's growing in their mind. If you ask them, what would it take to solve the problem, and you genuinely assist them, the problem will go away, or at least they'll feel better, at least one person want it to help them solve the problem. They'll feel better about you and the anger will precipitate.

Now, finally, Notice this one repeats, you may need to kick their butt and back them off, set a good limit. If you've tried all these different strategies and you say, Hey, Mr. Paul, I tried all these Professor Paul told me to try this technique in this technique, I try it off and they just keep ranting at some point you have to shut it down. Tom enough's enough. I tried to help you, I was very good about it. But you can't talk to me this way. I'm gonna be very assertive.

You've hit one of my What? boundaries, not guidelines, boundaries, and enough's enough. kick their butt. You notice this one repeats, walk away and avoid them in the future, perfectly good strategy. I would use this one over and over and over again, with an angry person. Again, proximity rule.

They can't be yelling at you. If you're not in the area. Here's another strange technique. You can give them a gift and it If there's any kind of favor that you do for me any little thing that you give, you know, say, hey, you sound like you're very upset. Let's go. And let's talk about this at the bar across the street.

Let me buy you a drink, and all sudden, they can be angry, but they won't be angry across the street. They can't be angry when you're doing something nice for them, like buying them a drink and listening to their problems. How can they ever stay angry at you? Very, very difficult. They will tend to either go along with your suggestion, and then that solves it. Or they'll say Screw you, I'm not going for a drink.

But the walk away, it's the end of the conversation. Because they were mean and you were nice. It throws them totally off and they have to leave now. It blows their system. Now, here's another type of problem person a chatterbox blah, blah, blah, blah blah. They talk all day long.

We got some great solutions here for you. Ever I said walk away, I want you to run away. These people are never gonna stop talking. There is no great solution to this, I got a second one for you. Hi, and don't let them find you. These people are problematic because you're not a therapist, and you can't teach them to stop chatting.

So there's not a lot of great ways to stop this. You just have to make sure that it's not a problem for you. Here's another solution. chatterboxes are chattering. Why? Because they figure if they're talking, then they're doing something productive.

They're at work, and they're moving and they're talking and they're doing something. They figure somebody walks by, you can say, well, we were just talking about business, and it feels like they're still working. When they're actually they're doing the exact opposite of working. How much would you pay per hour for somebody to sit there and bitch whine and complain or just talk about nothing? Not much. You won't see anyone ads for that because nobody wants to pay dollar one for that.

It's worthless. So these chatterboxes half the time, they're just naturally chatterboxes the other half the time they're doing to avoid work. So if you get right to work, they'll stop chatting because they know you have to concentrate on what you're doing. Now, if that doesn't work, ask them to help you with something. put them to work. They are massively afraid of work.

This technique works wonders. You can also do the old fake phone call trick. Oh, hi, Bernadette. I didn't realize it was you? Yeah, I was just talking to Bob excuse me, Bob. I have to take this and you're off the hook.

Here's another solution. This is just for fun applied duct tape. Now you have to check your local laws in your area. I don't think this is legal in the state of Florida but I just think this is funny. I had a friend he thought he could fix anything with duct tape. Carpet coming up in the corner.

Use duct tape holding tailpipe use duct tape dog won't stay put use duct tape. That was no one uses right? Here's another type of problem person, a no at all, or a sexual intellectual, right? I love this one. It says, I know everything just asked me and I'll tell you. So how do you deal with a no at all?

Solution? Ask them for a ton of information. That is way too much work. Now, if you ask him for a bunch of information, where did you find that? Can you give me a citation for that? Can you find any more information on that?

Do you have any literature on that? They just want to throw out random information. They don't want to do any work. And half the time. Their stuff is erroneous. It's not true, or it's made up or they can't prove it.

So do a very simple secondary technique. Ask them to prove it. Where'd you see that? Where'd you find that? What's your evidence? Where can I find information on that?

You can even act like you believe. So that sounds great. But I got a friend, his name is john, he'll never believe me if I tell him that. Do you happen to have a reference for that? or How can I prove that to john? Okay, some decent arguments, but he's really a scientist about these things.

He needs exact proof. What can I share with them? Most of these people will run like hell at that point. Now, the other way, to kind of shut them down a little bit, is to agree with their point, but help them see a new perspective. What does this do? It shows them that they don't know at all.

So if you can find a new twist on it away, they never thought about it. They'll kind of let things go. Or I can ask them a question that I know they can answer. So if they say, Hey, you know, aspirin is really good for arthritis. I say did you know there's a study out there that shows chose, it is good for arthritis, it helps to reduce inflammation in the joints that relieves pain. Did you also know that it weakens the cartilage if you keep using that over and over again, and we can cartilage does what?

He creates arthritis. So it makes you feel better now and feel worse later. And they're like, Oh, I didn't realize that. They're interested. They liked that you taught him something. He did it in a very gentle way.

But now they're not going to go on for 15 minutes because they thought they were the number one expert on this. Now they realize they're not. They've got to reassess everything. They're feeling like they're in a position of weakness now where before they thought they had absolute expert authority and strength, and they slow their roll. Here's another technique. You want to let them know that you're that they're bothering you and that you may swap.

I love this graphic is absolutely perfect. Yeah. Let him know that you're just annoying. Nobody wants to hear about this stuff. Nobody wants to hear about your arthritis and all this different stuff and your aches and pains and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Let it go.

Not that entertaining, not as much fun as you would think, Bob. Here's another technique, use the proximity rule. You know, I have certain relatives and certain old friends that you know, they're very good in small increments, you know, they're good and five minute bursts. They talk too much they know it all. They go on and on and on. What I try to do is keep phone calls short, keep meeting short, keep conversations short.

Almost like as if you're dating you don't go out to dinner because that's a two hour adventure. You go out for a cup of coffee because that's a five to 10 minute adventure and you could always walk away. So use the proximity rule. Just get away from them. Here's another classic problem. Trouble with nagging spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, co worker, nag, nag, nag.

Absolutely positively. No fun, very challenging. So how do you deal with it? solution number one, realize that this person is probably having some kind of emotional problem. So take out your therapist hat and try to help them a little bit. Notice what kind of challenges they're having, try to reframe it for them, give them a better perspective on things.

Point them in the direction of where they can get help for these different types of challenges. Here's another solution. Talk to them about the things that they're complaining about. Let them talk it out, which means let them go on for a little bit. Let them vent so they can decompress when they get down to a decompression level where you can actually have a human conversation with them. Slow their roll and get them to focus on the solution, not on the problem.

Remember, when you focus Focus on the solution the problem disappears. Use that philosophy with them. And people will stop nagging when you start focusing on the solution. They can nag endlessly about a problem, but they can't continue to nag while focused on a solution. Because nagging is problem focused, not solution focused, works amazingly well. Another strategy just hand them their head.

Sometimes you need to set good boundaries and say, Hey, you keep nagging and nagging and nagging. This needs to stop, okay? Go do this with your husband or wife. Go do this with your friends. Go do this with your dog. Don't do it with me.

See you later. Now, and this is kind of strange. When you have these problem people in your life, okay, maybe it's a significant other, maybe it's a child, maybe it's a spouse, maybe it's a good friend, business partner. Sometimes you need to try something counseling. I can remember when I was doing a lecture like this, and I did it up on a board, I had a big whiteboard. And I say, What's all the different solutions to this problem?

In in a room full of 35 counselors, not one person came up with the possible solution of Hello, you could try counseling. Apparently, they're not very good counselors because they didn't even think of counseling as an option for how to solve problems. Matter of fact, the core of counseling is not getting into your business, not getting all emotional. You have a problem. You share it with a counselor, and they counsel you on a solution. Right.

Perfect.