Hi everybody and welcome to advanced ideas presentation of dealing with difficult people. Once you please give a warm welcome to Professor Paul Klein. Hey, there I am with my buddy JJ on the left, I'm on the right with the face bill for radio. As you can see from the background, I'd like to read a book or two, we want to give you the latest cutting edge skills. We want to literally transform your life by giving you the best skills available. Now, here's a few of the goals for the training.

These are not all the goals but in broad strokes. Here's what we're going to bring you today. One, gaining awareness and an understanding of ourselves and why we get so angry at others to how to gain control of others by gaining control of ourselves. Three general tips for dealing with problem people and anger for how to deal with specific types of problem people. And in the end, I want you just to have a lot of fun fun with this. Now the first concept you need to understand is that you don't get mad for the reasons you think.

So why do you get mad? I'm glad you asked. You get mad for three main reasons. First reason is number one, resistance to reality. Number two negative self talk and three you care. We're going to go over these in this training in detail right now.

Now remember this quote, your frustration will be an exact one to one proportion to your resistance to reality. What is it that's real in your life that's happening in your life that you're just not accepting? In the big book of a? There's a quote it says and acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. acceptance is key. When you resist reality.

It only gets gets worse and creates frustration. So how do we stop resisting reality? Well, we start by gaining self control and letting go of misconceptions. Here's a great quote to remember by Jim Rohn. don't wish that the other person would get better wish that you had more skill. Jim Rohn, one of the great corporate trainers out there.

When I was a therapist, I couldn't wish that my clients were going to get better. They were supposed to be sick. That was their job. My job was to help them get better. How can I do that? I could only do it by adding more skills.

As I became more skillful. They had less problems, and I even had less problems with them. So write this down, put this in your notes. don't wish the other person would get better. I wish you had more skill. And I'm proud of you because that's what you're actually doing today.

You're going to know more about how to deal with difficult people and how to deal with your own issues than 99 point 90% of the people out there in the world. Now, here's something else you need to remember, all control starts with self control. Everyone seems to think that eliminating frustration is all about controlling the other person. It really starts with controlling yourself. You're the center. If I have self control, I can control myself.

Nobody can upset me. If I can't control myself, and anybody can upset me. So to have mastery, I have to decide if I'm going to get upset. Everybody is going to invite you to get upset, but you don't have to take every invitation you get. So how do I control myself? You start by letting go of some of your crazy ideas.

Here's a good list of them. One, people should have the same values and beliefs that I do. Well, maybe they should but guess what? They don't. Two people should do what I want them to do. Oh, my God, that would be lovely.

And they're not going to do it. Three people shouldn't act in ways that upset me. That's probably true. And guess what? They're going to four people should care about the things that I care about. You right?

They probably should. And they don't. Five people shouldn't get in my way. They shouldn't. And guess what? They're going to six.

People should always treat me with kindness and respect. Absolutely, they should. And they're not going to steal more crazy ideas. People make me angry, upset, sad, etc. No, you make yourself angry, upset and sad over the things that people say to people should understand. Yes, they should.

And guess what? They don't. Three. I feel guilty when insert your neurosis here. Don't let other people make you feel guilty for people should be there for me when I need them. And guess what?

They're not always going to be there. Five inanimate objects are out to get me. You know how when you're driving down the road and your tire blows, and you're late for a meeting, and you kick the tire and you say stupid tire? It's almost as if it knew that I had a meeting. No, absolutely not. Another crazy idea.

Live should be fair. Life isn't fair. The only fair I've ever seen is the one in Tampa. It's great. You should come they have a tractor pole, Ferris wheels, all kinds of great food and rides. That's about the only fair you ever going to see.

See, when you're a child from the age of zero to 18 people run around and try to make things fair. So people have this crazy idea that life should be fair. No, that's an illusion. usually create in your childhood and from 18. On it's no longer true. Actually, it was never true.

Correct. So how do we get rid of these ideas? Well, one dispute them. That's what I've been doing. I read you off the idea. And then I gave you the dispute to replace them.

What does that mean? replace it with a better idea. And three, let it go. Here's a great thought for you. If you don't control your mind, who does? You need to learn how to control your mind?

It's a key life skill. I don't know why they don't teach this in middle school in high school. I love this quote by Plato, you might want to write this one down. The first and best victory is to conquer yourself. To be conquered by self is of all things the most shameful and vile playdough. Remember, no one controls you online.

Unless you allow it. So how do I practice self control? By practicing, duh, don't worry, life will give you lots of chances to practice, I want you to start seeing difficult people as your gift. When they become difficult, they are giving you a chance to practice these new skills, you can't get really good at these skills until you practice them. So these skills will work kind of like 50% 60% 70%, maybe 80% the first time you try them, but each time you use them, they'll get stronger and stronger, because you're gaining new understandings of how to use them. And you may even be creatively combining these different cutting edge tools into a new and more powerful formula and really making it your own.

And you're also learning mentally that because I know I can deal with these challenges, and I don't live with them, I don't have to get too worried about them. So you're gonna have lots of lots of chances to practice. You're doing absolutely fantastic and I'll see you in the next section.