Here's a really unique tip. The wise leader is gentle, realizing that force causes resistance. It's one of the first things they would teach you in the martial arts, especially a keto. What's the rule of a keto? when pushed? Pull?

When pulled, push. When you use force, you're going to cause resistance. Why is the push person pushing against you because you're pushing against them? People tend to react in kind. So it's very important that you realize that there's always an alternative to using force. I rarely ever use it.

I want to work with my staff, not against my staff. How can I win over my staff and get a change made without ever using force in therapy, we used to always talk about two kinds of power that the therapist had. You had authority power, I can literally discharge you out of this program. And for a lot of our clients, that meant they were going back to jail. Okay, so I kind of had the ultimate stick, I had authority power. I was the therapist.

I was basically your boss, therefore, I could tell you what to do. We had we did have full authority power over these people. But because we're therapists, because we're human beings, we also have relationship power. We could guide the person, use emotion, use logic, use reason, use empathy, use compassion, to help move this person, use our friendship with them as leverage to move them in the right direction. I would always, always, always use relationship power, over authority power, virtually every single time. It literally worked 99.5% of the time, there's always a way to To work with people without using force, which brings us to the next part.

The wise leader uses force only when forced to, and very reluctantly. So there were certain situations where in therapy, a client had pushed it pushed it pushed it and despite every intervention, I eventually had to discharge them, or have them taken off the jail. Same thing would happen in business. I would do mentoring, guiding, teasing, cajoling, friendship, extra education, extra training, everything I could do with employee, then I had to use a little bit of force. So then I would use progressive discipline at each stage, having them know that this was hurting me to have to hurt them. Just like a good parent.

You're grounded, but I'm not grounding you because this is something fun for me when you suffer, I suffer, you're my child, I care about you, okay? We've got to win as a family. This is a bad thing for you. But it's also a bad thing for me as the parent, I suffer along with you. So I would do that, as I was kind of parenting my own staff. I feel bad that it came to this, I feel bad that we need to do this.

But you're showing me through your actions that, you know, I can't just use the carrot, I need to use the stick to motivate you to make a change. So I'm hoping this is where you kind of hit your bottom and you say, Okay, this is serious. I need to do a turnaround, and I want to help you make that turnaround. But I'm also very consistent both of the boss and as a therapist, that if you push the limits, I would push the next limit. So the amount of force that I needed to use, okay, the amount of negative action that I needed to take against you was set by you, not me. I would increase the force.

You showed me that you needed that to make the turnaround. Why? Because only because everything else had already failed. It was the last tool in my toolbox and I was going to use it. Why? ultimately to hope that you make out and if not to send you on your way so that the rest of my staff makes out either way.

I consider this a win. I even had people thank me when I fired them. They say, Paul, you are so good to me. You are so kind to me. You helped me you built me up. You helped me to grow.

You helped me to develop. I let you down. You know, you gave me a warning. You gave me another warning. And then finally reluctantly, he let me go and I could see that you felt bad about it. I really failed you.

Okay, you were you were a good boss. I've got own some of this. And they walk out the door. I've had people hug me on the way out the door as I fired them. So I don't want you to think that I'm asleep. savvy guy that I'm always good and kind and loving to everybody.

And it's all hugs and kisses at work and everything else. I'm a die hard professional. But compared to other bosses, yes, I am very good to people. I do show great appreciation. I use force only when forced, I use a lot of relationship power, not authority power. But where the rubber hits the road, when I need to set a limit.

I'm very good at it. And I do not feel bad about letting somebody go. I'll even tell them. I am not going to fire you. But there's a consequence here. And we're going to set up a change plan, like a behavioral contract, you're going to change these things.

If you do these things, then you still got a job. If you don't do these things, then I'm not going to fire you. You're going to fire you. Because you're going to go against the contract. You're not going to do what you're supposed to do. Therefore, that's your answer.

Your answer is and you show me by now. doing these things that your answer is, I don't want this job. And if that's what you tell me, then I will respect that. And I will fire you based on your wishes. See how they can't come back on you see how they might actually thank you as they walked out the door. I said this contract is not to punish you.

This contract is to make sure that you do everything necessary so that you can grow and progress and be an effective part of this team. Once again, and enjoy a wonderful career here. If you decide that something that you don't want to do, that's okay. You and I'll give you the hearty handshake. I'll patch on the back and you'll be on your way. You let me know what you want to do.

You can go along with this contract or not. I respect your decision. Let me know what you want to do. And we'll make it happen. See how you're putting all this back where it belongs on the employee. That's where it belongs, but you're also being good kind of loving about it.

I will very lovingly shoot them out the door as well, when necessary, why? Because that's what they told me they needed. See how that works? Perfect. A wise leader also knows that what is not worked out, will be acted out. If you take notes, write this down, what is not worked out, will be acted out.

This is what causes what they call in psychology, passive aggressive behaviors. You're trying to stab somebody a little bit, you're trying to hurt them, but not do it openly. You might do it by gossiping about them. Or, you know, stealing company supplies. Or you know, something bad's going to happen to somebody and where you would normally warn them. You say I'll screw that person, I'll just do nothing.

Or you could help somebody. But you say I don't like that person. So I'm not going to do that for them. I could help them but I'm not going to Just another way to screw somebody. So remember, what's not worked out, will be acted out. So don't ever let two things fester.

One is employee complaints. They have a frustration about something, or employee complaints about other employees to employees getting into it together. in conflict, we don't want that. But for now, I just want to focus on employee complaints. So always be checking in with your staff, ask them what's going great. Ask them what's going poorly and ask them what could be going better.

This way you give them an opportunity on a regular basis, I would do this at least monthly with my staff. And even as I'm walking around, checking in with them, to give them an opportunity to tell me about something that they're not happy with. And they see that when they say that I'm not upset that they mentioned it. I'm glad that they mentioned it, I say who I'm so glad you mentioned that. I was thinking about that, or other people have complained about that. Or thank goodness, you mentioned that, because I asked 12 other people about this, and they never ever mentioned it.

You're the only person that was smart enough to do this. So I can compliment them and show appreciation when they're mentioning something negative. How many of you in the studio audience think you could mention something to your boss that was negative about the company and they would be glad to hear about it and thank you for it. This is counterintuitive for employees. But if you set this kind of norm in your environment, if you reward people for bringing you problems, then these things won't be passive aggressively going on in the background where people are upset about something not telling you and then acting it out with lowered productivity, stealing office supplies, attacking other staff members gossiping not doing their best all the time. types of things going on.

They will figure 1000 different ways to kind of get back at you. Don't let employee complaints fester. Remember write this down. What has not worked out, will be acted out saw these things fast