Professor Paul here still more great leadership tips. Here's a fantastic one. The wise leader knows you only win agreements, not arguments, you're taking notes, write that one down. Now, we've talked about this before, we said, What is not worked out, will be acted out. So when you try to win an argument, somebody's going to feel like you just kind of overpowered them. You made him feel stupid, you made him feel bad.

They're literally going to be out there, subconsciously or consciously seeking revenge. And you may have won the argument, but that's not the same as getting agreement. So they let you win that one. You might have overpowered them, but they're not going to help you with it. And they're probably still not going to believe that you're right. So you won the argument, but you lost the war.

Write this down. It's an old therapy, quote. Man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still little rhyme there, right? But it's very wise, when you convince somebody against their will, they're not going to buy in, they're not going to actually take action on it. So we don't want to win arguments. We want to win agreements, when you can get the person to agree.

Now it's a win win, and they will help you with whatever you are arguing about. That's why I never argue I have discussions, sometimes they even get a little passionate. A lot of times one of the techniques I use to quote unquote, win an argument, move people to my way of thinking is to agree with their argument, and then kind of add up but I'll say that's very true. But in addition to that, and then I go into what I wanted to say. Now because I included their argument, they're thinking that I'm very reasonable. And I am listening to them, I am hearing them.

I'm not calling them wrong. I'm just saying there's a higher level of thinking with this, that what they're saying is perfectly accurate and true. But there's another half to the story. So I'm adding information as opposed to telling them your information is bad and wrong. Even if their information is bad and wrong, there's usually a way to do that. Sometimes if they're completely wrong, I'll say that's interesting.

And a lot of people have had that opinion. Matter of fact, I held that opinion at one time. But and then I add in my argument, okay, my logic, but then I learned about and you show them the turnaround. Now it makes them okay to have had this opinion. It's a learning process, you went through it so You're no different than they are. You're not in the one up position.

You're not above them, looking down at them, making them feel bad or making them wrong. This is Just a learning thing that people go through. And now they can agree with you. You've opened the door, they say, if you want a man to walk through the door, the least you can do is open it for him. Leave an opening to protect people's egos. The first thing that happens when you get into an argument instead of a conversation, his egos go up, and when egos go up, it's about defending the ego, the self esteem, the self image of that person, it actually no longer has anything to do with what you're discussing, which is why it's so hard to persuade somebody.

Once you've damaged their ego, their self image, you make them feel like they're under attack, you always have to separate what you're talking about from the person. So that's another great psychological technique that wise leaders use. They separate what they're discussing from the person. You say this is only because this has nothing to do with you or me. leaders across the century have dealt with this issue. And they've looked at it from multiple angles.

And here's what they've come up with. See how it's not about you, it's not about me anymore. It's about these mysterious other wise leaders out there that have thought this through from all perspectives, and here's what they came up with. Now, it doesn't have to be, well, you're wrong, and this is the right way to do it. When people's ego gets attacked, their self image gets attacked. Remember, it's no longer about what you're discussing.

They have to have to protect their ego, and you will never get agreement. So never make it about them. Always make them okay in the situation, figure out how to bring in your points without it ever affecting them from an ego or self image perspective. That's how you win. Try to get unity. Good leaders know that unity is massively important.

We want everybody on the same page. So how can we unite in this? How can we come together? One technique that I use, and I teach this in my persuasion course, is try to figure out how the reason they're giving you why you're wrong about this discussion is the exact reason why they should do this thing. I had an alcoholic client. He said, Well, the cops are always picking on me, and they pick me up for DUI, and they're all liars, and their breathalyzers are fake.

I said, that's the exact reason you should stop drinking. If you stopped drinking, no matter how they've tweaked their breathalyzer, it'll always come up zero in these damn cops can never pick on you again. So that's the exact reason why you should do this. So try to figure out how you can incorporate their argument into your argument. So a lot of times I'll say that's so true. Instead of saying, but I go and in this I add in my argument.

Now I could turn this into an entire course about how you win agreements and not arguments. As you can see, I can go on and on. There's multiple strategies. I've tried to teach you basically one strategy with about four different approaches here. But it's very, very powerful. So you want to get agreements, you don't want to win arguments.

Here's the other thing, too. That's absolutely huge. Beyond looking at the discussion itself. If you don't win the agreement, you win the argument, the person's felt attacked, you can damage the entire relationship. This is where you've really won the battle but lost the war. If you lose that connection, that friendship that loyalty with one of your employees, or sometimes people even argue with their bosses or people that are beside them in the organization, you can lose that person for life.

They will never ever help you again, you can seriously damage the relationship and even destroy it. No one point that you're trying to get across is ever worked. That. And the second thing is there's always a more skilled way to have the same discussion and never ever damaged the friendship never hurt somebody, personally, a skillful debater never has that issue. Another great tip, the Wise leader uses what's called natural consequences. No natural consequences are wonderful.

Why? Because there's two things that drive the human animal. It's called the pain pleasure principle. We move towards pleasure and away from pain. So remember how I said the wise leader wants to use consequences wants to use force very sparingly. So a lot of times, pain can happen to an employee, just by natural consequences, things that happen naturally.

Really, I give an example here, he tell the child don't touch the hot stove. If they can't listen, let him have a quick touch. Because those are the two ways for people to learn. You can tell them, okay, don't do that, which is observational learning, observe what I'm doing. I'm not touching that stove. Why?

Because it's hot, or personal experience, trial and error, also known as painful personal experience, you actually have to go over and touch the hot stove. So you try to help them learn through observation. Hey, don't touch the hot stove. But if they absolutely positively have to, this isn't being cruel. Let them have one little quick touch. That'll keep them from getting truly burned up for the rest of their life.

So a lot of times in situations you don't have to do anything to consequence an employee. I used to teach this in parenting skills. If your child spills the milk, you can do one or two Things use unnatural consequences, which is bad child go to your room. What does going to your room have to do with spilt milk? Absolutely nothing. So it's an artificial consequence.

And now the child feels bad about the parent and the parents being mean to me. Now, if you use the natural consequence in that situation, child spills the milk. What you do is you say, okay, you spill your milk. Now you need to go. You need to clean it up, get the paper towels, clean it all up, get the spray, get the smell out, spray it, clean it, wipe it down, wipe off the glass, put this glass in the sink, get a fresh glass, fill it up with milk, and then go back to your meal. All that work is a natural consequence for the child.

And now the child isn't mad at you. You spilt the milk now you got to clean it up. You got to do all this work, all this labor. You got to waste time, energy effort. That's a natural consequence. And that has everything to do with spilling the milk.

The child is far less likely to spill the milk if you went through that process even once or twice, then if you sent them to the room a dozen times because they spilled the milk, it works better and it maintains the relationship. So lots of times, there's ways to naturally consequence employees, it just occurs in nature. If they're late for work all the time, you can say, hey, you may need to pull up on that behavior, you may need to do better in this area, your evaluations coming up. Or when the evaluation comes up, say bad news, corporate policy. If you're late more than five times in a quarter, you literally don't qualify for a promotion, or for a raise. I'm so sorry about that.

You can remember I mentioned this to you earlier because I was trying to help you. I want to make sure that you would qualify. But apparently for whatever reason, you didn't, but it's okay. next quarter, another three months, you'll come up for this. I'm rooting for you. I know you can make it to work on time.

You're solid, professional. And we'll talk about that race. We'll talk about that promotion again. See, now it's about them, and how they get themselves out of a race or out of a promotion has nothing to do with you. You're not saying, hey, you're a bad person, and you don't show up on time. And I don't like that.

That's not a good quality and employee. And if you really cared about your job, you'd be showing up on time. So therefore, I'm not giving you a raise. Well, now you're the bad guy. They're thinking you're wrong. Hey, I really do care about my job.

You don't know me. You know, there was things going on. They were things that stopped me from getting here on time they they whip out all their excuses. And now it's all about bad boss blaming me when I was trying to get here on time versus the natural consequences. I give myself any excuse. But at the end of the day, boss's hands are tied.

He's not consequences me. This is at least half my fault. All excuses aside, and they're offering me the opportunity to get the raise of the promotion in just additional 90 days. When you blame the boss for when you blame yourself for natural consequences work, because they're instructive, and it doesn't damage the relationship. And they know it's one of the few ways they'll take ownership for their own behavior. See how powerful this is.

That's why good solid leaders love to use natural consequences. When ever humanly possible, be creative. Notice how many different natural consequences there are specific to your business and your business model. I can't see your business but you can certainly see it and you'll be able to spot these If you just focus on this one theory, that's it, you're doing absolutely fantastic and I'll see you in the very next section.