Most kids have what I call level 10 tantrums. Those times when their emotions have taken over, and they may have tried other behaviors, but they have found prior experience that a full on tantrum is the most effective way and getting what they want. Getting a cookie, getting getting mommy's phone, getting the toy from her brother. Just to clarify, a tantrum is different from a meltdown. Here are a few things to keep in mind to know your child is throwing a tantrum instead of a meltdown. Is your child making an effort to communicate his needs?

Is the child watching for your reaction? Is the child able to calm down once the situation has been resolved? a meltdown most often is due to Several environmental factors, hunger, sleep deprived, woke up on the wrong cycle. Too much sun. tantrums are created through patterns of behavior. Think about that kid at the grocery store who's having a hard time in the checkout lane.

They're having a full on tantrum to get a candy bar. If you were to watch just a couple minutes prior, the kid probably asked for the candy bar was told no. Then they asked politely, please. And then he pinched his sister, and she starts crying. And then he kicks his mom. And then he starts screaming and crying.

Now all of a sudden, his mom hands in the candy bar just to shut them up and save the embarrassment. He tried so many behaviors. And the next time he's in the store and he wants some candy. Guess which one he's going to try first. He's going to skip asking nicely. Skip pinching, skip kicking, and he's gonna go right to the screaming and crying.

Not because he's a rotten kid. But because his mom showed him that that is the acceptable way to get candy at the store. You'll look at that kid differently The next time you see him, won't you? So what should we do instead? Well, first off, we want to catch them before they escalate. Catch them at that level two, level three, level four frustration.

Use those right approach strategies we discussed. But if your kid does become so irae here's what I suggest. First, no questions. Are you okay? What's wrong? Do you want juice Do you want this?

Conversations do not work when your kid is at a level 10 and often make it worse, minimal eye contact, show them with your behavior that they are going to get minimal interactions from you including From your eyes when we avoid eye contact, we don't have to worry if we're giving them stern eyes of disapproval limit demands. Go to your kid calmly and get down to their level. I use this phrase often with with kids. Let me know when you're ready. I don't tell them stop crying. Calm down, come here.

My two year old daughter, she can. She can cry quite loudly, and I teach her to cry softly. But when she's continued to cry loudly, I have her cry in a separate room, and commonly let her know when you're ready. Just come back and join us limit big reactions. When your kid loses a game or falls down and starts getting really upset. instead of rushing over and picking them up and training them to be dependent on us for comfort.

Help them learn a skill of how to lose a game gracefully or What to do when they fall down? Show them how to dust themselves off, think I'm not always going to be around to come for my kid. So they need to know, ways to soothe themselves. Big deal, little deal. Oftentimes we ask, Is this a big deal right now. But we never explicitly went over the difference between a big deal and a little deal.

We can show them examples of little deals, and what to do when little deals happen. You bonk your knee, you break a small toy. You don't get to be first in line. We can help them come up with strategies that they can solve these little deals all by themselves without any adult help with big deals, will need adults help and someone might get hurt or something might get damaged. Car accident that they get lost in the playground someone is it's hurting them at school, teach them These outside of the level 10 tantrum teach them that their reaction needs to match the problem. If we react to big deals and little way, or little things in a big way, it's unexpected behavior and one that makes it harder to be happy with our friends or family.

Lastly, and this is not specific to level 10, but is super important. Be aware of how often you're saying your child's name. Joe, Joseph, Joey, Joe, Joe. Oftentimes when we say our child's name and then give a demand, Joe, don't touch that Joseph, stop Joseph over here. Guess what's gonna happen to your child's name. When we pair our child's name with a demand, it's going to lose its value.

We're conditioning our child to not respond to their name, as they're going to expect us to tell them to do something. They may be thinking What now? I know it can be hard to avoid saying a child's name. So here's one tip to consider. Try catching them off guard. Joe, I love you, Joe, you are such a sweet boy.

Again, hopefully you can catch your child before they begin to escalate by redirecting them by by giving them two choices by helping teach them the appropriate behavior right on the spot. But when and if those fail, stay cool, stay calm and be ready for your child to do the same. Let's load up the appropriate side of the behavior scale and always show our kid that we are the mature one and the reason and the relationship. Those level 10s will come fewer and farther between and we'll be more prepared for each one. Go be the best parent you can be for your precious children. You got this