Now you have a better understanding of what to focus on as a parent, your child's positive, appropriate side of the scale, you can then begin to deal with the negative or inappropriate behaviors that your child displays. Let's dive into why children display problem behaviors. When children do something that's inappropriate, or maybe gets under our skin, oftentimes, we ask them. Why did you do that? Why did you hit your brother? Why did you put that on the cat?

Why did you make that mark on the wall? And there's a couple of reasons why we asked why. We want them to acknowledge that they did something bad. We want them to own up to their mistake, or maybe we want to shame them and make them feel like they're not doing something appropriate. Maybe We want them to actually try to get, we might actually want an explanation. We're trying to get some more information out of the child to give us more context of the situation.

But nine times out of 10 a child's response to the question Why? It's going to be? I don't know. So when we ask a child why and there, they give an insufficient answer. We're gonna stand there with our arms crossed. And we're gonna dive into a whole paragraph long reason of why they should not have done what they just did.

So when I'm working with a child, I rarely ask them. Why. So my wife reminds me, then asking why is a natural reaction I get that, and it takes it takes a conscious decision for her not to ask. And it's normal. And it will take effort to stop asking why. But why would I rarely asked that question when I'm working with a child Well, first is because it makes a really tense interaction with your child, especially in that kind of danger zone.

But second, more importantly, is that I know the topic of this lesson, the five functions or purposes or reasons of behavior. Think about a pair of scissors, it pretty much has one function. The purpose of scissors is to cut things and a fire, right maybe have several functions heat light cooking. The same idea of function applies to all human behavior, children, adults, there are only five functions behind our behavior. And once you know those five, you can figure out the why behind your child's behavior. And you won't have to ask them.

So the five reasons of human behavior are attention, escape, tangible item, alone and sensory input. I'm going to do things with my behavior to achieve an outcome. I can go about seeking attention in inappropriate ways. Asking someone to play with me texting someone waving at someone totally appropriate. I can go about it in inappropriate ways. Crying, pouting.

Beamed. noxious. noxious Li loud. So the three most common with children, three most common are ones we're gonna mainly focus on throughout the rest of the course. And they are attention, escape and tangible item. So the first is attention.

People do things for attention, right? I know I did as a young child, a common phrase, my family would say, don't give them any ideas. If I got a laugh, I would try it. I love getting positive attention, but also negative. I would drive several teachers crazy with subtle silly questions or immature behaviors, just to get a reaction out of them. And think about your child.

In different ways they seek attention from you or from their peers. Kids can go about getting attention in weird ways. I once worked with a child who was hurting themselves physically. We did some observation and we looked at events happening before and after that behavior. And we found that most often, after he got there was hurting himself, he would get a hug from his mom. The kid just wanted mom's attention, he was going about getting her affection in totally inappropriate ways.

So we were able to teach him a much more effective and much more efficient way to get hugs and attention from his mom. And his self harm, decreased dramatically. The next is escape. This is when we don't want to do something. I don't want to take out the trash. I don't want to empty the dishwasher or change the baby's diaper.

I'm going to do things with my behavior to get out of that task. So instead of taking out the trash I'm going to go chill on the couch, I'm going to watch a movie, I'm going to play with the kids all these different things. To avoid that task. Maybe someone else will do it. Eventually, kids do the same thing. And again, they can go about it in in appropriate or inappropriate ways.

When a kid doesn't want to get ready in the morning, they may refuse and maybe have a meltdown, ignore demands. Or they could also ask for another minute. They could say I cannot go eat first and then go get dressed. All these behaviors are in hopes that it will get them their desired outcome. Avoiding to get ready. The next is tangible item.

I might want a candy bar, a new car a new toy. I'm going to do things with my behavior to get that item. This one is huge with siblings, you know that they always want what the other has. How do we get them to get that item without World War Three happening at each time. So think about back to the behavior scale, there are specific behaviors your kid can do to get that item. There are ways they can go about it appropriately or inappropriately and, and later in further modules, we'll discuss ways to help your child replace inappropriate behaviors with more appropriate alone.

This one seems a little similar to escape, but it's a little different. I might want to escape taking out the trash, but I still totally cool with hanging out with my family. If I want to be alone, I'm going to put my earphones in. I'm going to go for a walk. I want to be alone by myself in the room. So with my behavior, I'm trying to get my desired outcome to be alone.

And the last is sensory input. Think as as an adult, you might go for a walk. Maybe you have a hobby. Perhaps you have bad habits like me. I bite my fingernails. I shake my leg a lot when I'm sitting Each of these behaviors has helped regulate my body.

And for children with sensory processing issues, you might be familiar with weighted blankets or rollers or brushes. I think about your own child, and things they do on an ongoing basis that helps regulate them gives them that sensory input. Maybe the home, run around the house, think about your spouse. I bet they do sensory input behaviors that drive you crazy. And I'll just leave that right there. So that's it.

Those are the five reasons behind behavior. So you can answer that why question which will help teach your child a better way to get their outcome. Very important point here. I do ask them the why question. Let me say that in the moment, it ain't going to be effective. I find later on I'm a much better listener and my child is a much better communicator, and we're able to discuss their behavior at Later point, there's a much more productive times hugs and saying saris.

So please do ask the why question later on, are you starting to see your child's behavior not as an end, but as a means to what they want. Think about a child who's screaming or pinching, who's talking back. They aren't just doing these for fun. There is a specific reason. And now we get to either give in and give them their desired outcome, or teach them a better way. I can think of one instance in particular, I was working at a school helping a kindergarten student.

And oftentimes what was happening is she would get slightly frustrated in the classroom during an academic event. This slight frustration, it would escalate quickly, and she would leave the classroom and she would end up in the hallway and from the hallway, she would work her way down to the office and spend an hour or more Down in the office, parents were flustered, what is going on? My child is missing so much class time, so much academics. She's in the office all day long. So I thought, let me go and observe. Let me go see what I can find out about the situation figure out what's the reason what's the function behind her behavior.

So, I went in notice that she got frustrated during the academic assignment. She stood up and left the classroom. I slowly followed her and looked in the hallway. She eventually walked down to the office just like they said. And if if we stopped here, and I asked you to guess the function, the reason behind her behavior would you guess, attention, escape, tangible item, maybe alone. So probably honing in on escape or being alone But let's see what happens next.

She made it down to the office. And guess what? She had two or three adults asking her are you? Are you okay? You sit down here Sit on this comfy chair. Do you need snacks?

Do you need shoes? What can we get you? So right she's getting a ton of attention really cool stuff, juices and snacks. Whereas in the classroom, she was getting minimal attention on top of that non preferred task. Where would I rather be as a five year old kid getting pampered and in the office or been in the classroom doing things I don't really care about. So your final verdict?

What do you think? attention so I told the staff, she can go to the office whenever she like, but no longer she getting the comfy chair no longer she getting snacks or juices. And if she goes there, we're allowed to tell her two things. You can ask her. Where are you supposed to be? You can ask her, let me know when you're ready to go back to the classroom.

We also upped the attention she was reading receiving in the classroom, especially during those non preferred active activities. So literally within two weeks, she never went back to the office again. We were able to guide her during those times of frustration and provide ample attention. Before she got to that frustration, she began feeling more successful and with her work and ended up enjoying the rest of her kindergarten year, she was able to stay in the classroom. So we were able to change her behavior by changing what we were doing as adults. So that's something we're going to be talking about throughout this course.

This course is how we can change our behavior to meet better meet our child's needs. It can be subtle, but once you recognize the fire functions in your own child, it will begin to make better sense of how you can respond. And it doesn't involve yelling or punishment. Just some simple changes based on our adult insight. Today, I want you to write down several instances over the past couple weeks, with behaviors or events that triggered some frustration. Then take that list and discuss it with your partner or your spouse about potential purposes functions of that behavior.

Why did our child do X, Y and Z? like to think about what happened before the behavior and what happened after the behavior. Sometimes collecting data in this format can help us figure out the purpose. So lastly, think of what changes you can make based on what you learned and this new understanding of the purpose behind their behavior. Here's an example. Let's say your triggering event was your son not wanting to eat vegetables at the dinner time.

His arms were crossed, and he was refusing. There's a big back and forth battle like most nights maybe. And finally he eats. What do you think the purpose of that behavior was? Well, this is open for discussion with your spouse or your partner. He could be trying to escape, but he can also be doing that for attention.

Perhaps he gets tons of attention when he refuses to eat. Does it take over the entire meal? Is everyone staring at him while we wait for him to take a next bite? So discuss this, see if you can give him what he wants. Attention. buffer is appropriate eating and appropriate?

Refusals. Yes, there are appropriate ways to refuse something. So this is actually it's a really good skill for your child to learn. ideal situation how would you want your child to be able to say, he doesn't want something saying? No thank you? Or maybe I'll do it later.

Can you help me? Imagine your kids saying that instead of No. So back to the assignment, I want you to make a mini game plan. Think of what you can do differently to avoid that battle, or to change the situation so your child's inappropriate behavior is less effective. Again, the plan is for what you can do differently and consistently. You may need to watch more videos later on the course to have more effective plan but you can get a head start.

Good luck with this project and be aware, you may start to see your child in a new light their behavior may surprise you. Looking forward to seeing you on the next module.