Module five, separate the people from the problem. Anger is not just personal, it can be relational as well. When managing anger that involves other people, it helps to have a problem oriented disposition. Setting personal matters aside this way the issue becomes objective and workable issue. In this module, we will discuss ways to separate people from the problem. Specifically, we will discuss the difference between objective and subjective language, ways to identify the problem and how to use I messages.

Objective versus subjective language. One way to make sure that the discussion remains constructive is to use objective rather than subjective language. Objective language involves stating your position using reference points that are observable, factual and free from personal prejudices. Objective references do not change from person to person. This is the opposite of subjective language, which is vague, biased and emotional. You are using subjective language when you are stating an opinion, assumption, belief, judgment or rumor.

The use of objective language keeps the discussion on neutral ground that's threatening to a person's self esteem and therefore keeps people from being in the defense. More importantly, objective language can be disputed and confirmed, which ensures that the discussion can go towards a solution. Here are some guidelines in the use of objective and subjective language. Number one, state behaviors instead of personality traits subjective you're an inconsiderate supervisor. objective. you approve the rule without consulting with us first number to avoid vague references to frequency.

Instead use the actual numbers. subjective, you are always late. objective. You are late for meetings four times in the past month. Number three, clarify terms that can mean differently to different people. subjective.

You practice favoritism when you give promotions objective the employee ranking system is not being followed during promotions. Number four, don't presume another person's thoughts, feelings and intentions. subjective you hate me objective. You do not talk to me when we are in a room together. Number five, don't presume an action you did not see or hear subjective. She stole my wallet objective.

The while it was in my desk when I left. It was no longer there when I came back, and she was the only person who entered the room identifying the problem. You can't separate people from the problem. If you don't know what the problem is. A good way to move forward in a discussion with anger is escalating is through identifying the problem. Identifying the problem focuses all energy on the crisis at hand rather than persons involved in a conflict.

The two parties focus their energies on a common enemy that is outside of themselves. A move that puts the two opposing parties back in neutral ground. There are many processes you can use to identify the problem. Here is one of them. Step one, get as much information as you can, while the other party is upset. Step two.

Surface the other person's position. reframe this position into a problem statement. Example, I can hear how upset you are. Am I right in perceiving that the problem for you is that you weren't informed of the account being sold. Step three. Review your own position.

State your position in the problem statement as well. Example The problem for me is that I don't have the resources to contact you. The phone lines are not working because of the song. Step Four. Having heard both positions, define the problem in a mutually acceptable way. An example.

I hear that you'd like to be informed of any sales. on my part, I like to inform you, but as long as the phone lines are dead, I can't see how I would do it. I think the issue here is about finding an alternative way to get the information to you on time while the phones are being repaired. Do you agree? If the two parties agree to the problem statement, they can now both work at the surface problem and take the focus away from their emotions using I messages and I message is a message that is focused on the speaker when you use it messages you take the responsibility for your own feelings instead of accusing the other person of making you feel a certain way. The opposite of an iMessage is a you message and I message is composed of the following.

Number one, a description of the problem or issue, describe the person's behavior you are reacting to in an objective and non blame full and non judgmental manner. When, number two, its effect on you or the organization describe the concrete or tangible effects of that behavior. The effects are number three, a suggestion for alternative behavior I prefer here's an example of a nightmare. When I have to wait outside the office for an extra hour, because you didn't inform me that you'd be late problem, an issue I become agitated effect. I prefer you send me a message if you will not be able to make it alternative behavior. The most important feature of I messages is that they are neutral.

There is no effort to threaten, argue or blame and these statements, you avoid making the other person defensive. As the essence of an iMessage is I have a problem. Instead of you have a problem. The speaker simply make statements and takes full responsibility for his or her fillings. Case Study by working in a shop with Sales tech, Miko had to deal with people coming in with complaints about the things they bought on a daily basis, as our temporary is always different. Some of the persons who came in had an easy attitude while others were angry.

Michael learned from some of his colleagues to separate people from their problem, and then proceed to try and talk to them while also keeping an eye on their language and looking for their personality traits. In order to know what the proper way to deal with a problem is. By identifying the problem and trying not to argue, Michael managed to calm down a high number of people throughout the days. He's been working at the IT shop. After completing all of the documents associated with module five, please proceed to module six