What people don’t realize is that recovery from any trauma depends on whether or not what you lost includes losing a piece of yourself within the damage or losses that can be replaced or walked away from to start again. But when a piece of who you are, on an essential level, is tied directly to the loss in the situation, it becomes a huge hurdle to overcome. Most people can compromise. Most people can find a state of mind that allows them to move past the greatest of obstacles. They do this because they feel whole inside and are willing to take on a challenge. But there are losses where the grief hits so deep that there is no easily visible path to follow and people need to consider this reality. Does this make affected people wrong or weak or with no strength of character if they are stuck in a spot after a severe event? No. It just means that the pain that they are feeling is intolerable for them. So what do you do?  Acknowledge how they feel. Accept it and work it into a new reality for them. They are not sick they are overwhelmed with new perceptions that they can’t accept as reasonable or fair. There are those who will say that life is not fair, but that is not completely true. Fairness is the perception that what you want and what you need are within workable reach. This can be achieved with small inputs from people to support the person’s sense of worth as they slowly move forward. In this case slow and steady does win the race. Broken pieces of any kind need to be glued together. All you have to do is figure out what the specific glue is, offer workable options, and then let the person work it out at their own pace. Patience is the virtue that allows the success of a broken heart to heal.  Pre-planning these options makes seeing a future in several directions much easier to visualize. Dr. Cheryl Galler

There are two types of trauma encounters. The first is when you lose personal things you have worked for. The second is more serious and includes the loss of part of your soul. This happens when you lose a piece of yourself on an emotional or physical level. It is the one life-changing event that can not be brought back by love or money. It is a loss so great that only the individual can decide if fighting for a compromise is worth the effort and if not how far will you spiral down. Losing a piece of yourself is an emptiness that only the victim can fill. One needs to ask. Who am I now? What is the most important thing to me now? What is my reason to get up in the morning? How much do I really care about things that are presently in my life? Perspective changes with trauma. And as sad as it may sound the people closest to you want to understand but truly can’t. There is a reason it is said that one needs to walk in the shoes of others to truly understand their sorrow. Talking helps but viable options of choices that fit the situation are the only reality that makes a difference. There is great pain in knowing your life is changed forever. There is also anger and disappointment as well as a lack of forgiveness for what has happened. Don’t waste your time trying to figure out what you did wrong or what you might have done better. It’s over. You only have today and tomorrow. To answer the immediate question, the answer is that your life will never be the same. You have been emotionally changed. So even if you sit in a room that is exactly the same as it was before, you will perceive it differently.

So what the hell now OMG.

Think of all the things you know you really want and miss. What have you lost that really matters and that is what you concentrate on. All the other stuff just messes up your mind and distracts you from finding a way forward.

Why move forward? Time spent on fixing a yesterday that is gone is wasted time. Use the time you have to make a difference for yourself. There are people who care for you but they don’t care enough to give up their own life for you, so starting again may include some loneliness. Remember that and don’t be angry. Your loss scares them because tomorrow could be the day that they lose everything so they must keep moving. This is why OWNYOURCRISIS.com  explains how to think about the choices you have for the chaos that you could be facing.

Do things happen for a reason? Is there a purpose in negative events? Maybe. Do you need to function now and not speculate? YES.

*You don’t have to like it. You don’t have to forgive. You do have to live and choose something else to do with your life. Will you be thrilled? NO. Can you compromise and be happy? YES. None of it is fair. All of it is hard work. All of it initially stinks.*

I think my favorite part of this whole process is the moment when you know that you have succeeded in your own survival. People who avoided you while you were in recovery come up to you and say how great you look and how well you are functioning. And then the great question comes. HOW DID YOU DO IT? The only reasonable answer to give to them is PERSONAL MAGIC.
Dr. Cheryl Lynne Galler

You won’t and can’t forgive.

The only person you must forgive is yourself. The person In the mirror must be your friend.
Living at peace with yourself is the key to survival and your version of happiness.
Everyone gets caught in horrible situations. You are not alone in this reality. Those who may have wronged you can always be on your bad list. They truthfully are not important.

Remember what they did. Be angry enough to never let it happen again. But put all of it to one side so you can see clearly in front of you.

There is no road back to yesterday which can be a great sadness. But there are paths in front of you. So be angry but only throw it at those who deserve it.

Don’t waste the time you have left. Think back to who you were and what you loved before your personal disaster and pull pieces of yourself from there. It can be done.

Of course, a magic wand would make it all easier, but they are hard to find. Pick up a stick and make your own magic way back.
Dr. Cheryl Lynne Galler

What if you want to run away?
It is OK if you want to. But you need to know why you are going. You have several choices. You can run for a break. You can run for a known life offer with people you know. Or you can run to start again, from the beginning where it Is a completely new place. Obviously, you can also run around within your own environment to find a spot that you fit into.

Each has Its own challenge. The question is which can you tolerate? You must take note of the fact that there is an element of loneliness and isolation In all of these choices. Note: There is that one last place where we wish you not to consider which is running to hide within yourself and withdraw from others. There is no good ending to that option. Treading water to take your time to clarify your needs is a great beginning. This life is yours and you must live it. Choose well.

STEP-BY-STEP INSTRUCTIONS AND EXAMPLES ARE GIVEN IN THE CONNECTED CLASS, WHICH WILL MAKE THIS EASY TO DO.

https://www.learndesk.us/class/5140098947481600/personal-safety-and-emergency-plan