All right, so the stages of actually moving through divorce healthily, it always starts with, you know, everything been quite stable or everything's normal, and then suddenly something happens. That's quite bad. Okay, so that could be the shock emotion or, you know, the bombshell that has just happened and that kicks off the kind of cycle that you're gonna move through. Now, there is a normal cycle of healing. And grieving also has a cycle alongside done. The initial stages of grieving and healing look exactly the same.

It's how you interpret those stages and transform them into something that moves from grieving into healing. So the first stages include like denial. So denial is very natural, normal part of a shock reaction to a shock emotion. So you're just trying to avoid what's happened. It's like, nope, this isn't really happening. It's not truly happening.

And in these days, You might be, you know, just pretending that the thing that you know just happened didn't happen. That's quite normal. Okay? Some people actually live in denial for a really long time because they apply so many avoidance tactics, they don't actually deal with the reality of the situation they just dealing with the facade of it. After denial is usually some kind of betrayal or anger stage. This is a outpouring of bottled up emotion.

This is how could you This is ridiculous. I can't believe this has happened. Although strong emotions, that's quite a normal way of dealing with a shock that has occurred. Next up is another kind of version of denial. It's called panic in negotiation. This is when you're seeking a way out.

This is when you're trying to make a deal with your ex, a strong sense that you could, if we just changed this thing, this can we can just go back to the way it was. You might find yourself in these stages. You're becoming a little bit of a stalker, maybe a little bit kind of Trying to negotiate, beg, plead, you know, do whatever you can to kind of go back to the way things were. This is where people kind of do things that are out of character. Um, and that naturally leads to the next stage which is humiliation, which is just an absolute beginning to sink into a spiral, feeling embarrassed, you want to avoid seeing people maybe you hiding quite a lot. And that often happens when we've done things we're not proud of in the panic and negotiation stage.

Then there's despair, the realization that something awful has come my way strapped into this rollercoaster, feeling helpless. And then the last the grief and the depression stage that final realization of inevitable now those first six stages are fairly normal as part of the kind of grieving cycle. What tends to happen though, is if you do not push through those stages properly, like I explained in the layers of the onion, found the boundary of an emotion and move through to the next emotion. buffeted around these emotions, you can end up going from stage six, back to stage three, back to stage two, back to anger back to denial, back to panic negotiation back to grieving back to the spirit back and forth. So it's really important that you properly move through those stages. And in one of my programs, the negative horse we push people through the stages in a particular order and in particular way that then leads to the next stage, which is very much what is part of the healing cycle.

So the healing cycle, the first stage, there is what we call nothingness. So that's when you've properly grieved, you've probably experienced that loss and pain and you move to that place of nothing. And nothing is very different to numbness because you're actually feeling quite present, and you notice things around you. Maybe your senses are heightened. You might notice that you can't cry anymore, you experience an emotional vacuum. That emotional vacuum is very important first stage of healing.

After the emotional vacuum is stable. Eight which is the acceptance date. And this is when you're starting to accept your ex for who He is and who he isn't or who she is and who she isn't. And finding the way forwards, not feeling resigned, just feeling understanding for the way things are and for the way they're not. So acceptance is again, differential resignation, because you just actually really are present to the reality of the situation and you accept it for what it is. Stage nine is responsibility and forgiveness.

And that is where you take responsibility for where you might have contributed to the failure of the relationship and contributed to its breakdown. forgiving of yourself forgiving of your ex they failings, your failings during the relationship is also critical part of true and real healing. The final stage is where the real beauty lies. And if you get to this stage, that's where you have a real transformational experience. And that's stage 10 of gratitude. That's when you've learned from this experience.

You see the positives and the negatives and that's dangerous. To compete for healing, often just understanding where you are within that process and accepting that it is a process that you will get through that really helps. So it's important to keep in mind that although the graph looks fairly linear, sometimes you do bounce between the stages a little bit. But once you've pushed yourself through those stages, the first six months properly, and you get to that stage of nothingness, now you really on the fast track to healing, feeling that emotion deeply and profoundly and moving on to the next one without applying avoidance tactics is really the key. And that is what gets you through to the more advanced stages of the cycle. hope that makes sense.