If you really want to heal the key is to face your emotions and process them. Now what exactly does that mean? It might actually sound like quite a frightening idea. And I remember thinking at the time that my own sadness and grief, were probably going to swallow me whole. What I did realize after a few days was that every single emotion had another emotion underneath that. So underneath my anger was despair, Denise despair with sadness and grief, sadness and grief under that had loneliness and emptiness, and it just kept going until right at the bottom of it was nothing.

So it's almost like the layers of emotions and the layers of emotions need to be peeled, just like you're peeling an onion. Your job is to simply move through each emotion as you get to the end of it, find a boundary or the ending of that layer and move to the next emotional layer. There's actually a natural ending and confusion to each emotion. And when I truly experienced and acknowledged each of my emotions without dipping my toe in freaking out and applying buying an avoidance tactic to not feel those emotions. When I actually pushed myself through my anger, felt full rage, then I got to the end of that emotion, pushed myself through the next layer of emotion, felt it fully until I found the boundary of that one, and so on and so forth. What was cool was I found that none of these emotions last longer than 30 minutes, and they certainly didn't follow me at home, I realized I had nothing to feel fear by actually feeling these emotions.

When you resist emotions and avoid being with them by like indulging in all these states and avoidance tactics, you really prolong this whole healing cycle massively. So the rule of thumb is trust, each emotional layer is going to be about 30 minutes, which means you need to be able to schedule about six to seven hours for all the possible emotions you could feel and you put yourself in a room. You sit down, you get yourself psyched up, and you feel each layer and you push yourself through each layer as you find the best boundary until you push yourself through the next layer. And when you've truly felt all these emotions and you've kind of just stood through them, and just did them ask the question, what is this anger about? What is this emptiness about? Where does this come from?

And you feel each of these layers of emotions, you'll get to the end of the process and feel really quite released. It's a very cathartic experience. And I really recommend that you schedule time as soon as possible to push yourself through the layers of the onion.