I'd like to run through a block that somebody has so we can get them unblocked. Would you like to come up? Come on up and check into antiA I had somebody from Ireland same name. She was called Anya. I think Anya, he was antiA Can you bring your book? Okay, we'll come on in.

Alright, so tell me and chip, what's your come over here? Tell me then what's your problem? Oh block. My block is found out. I had abandonment issues. Right.

Which I didn't know. She said she has abandonment issues. What how's that showing up? Well, I've never thought about it. But apparently when when I was around when I was born, my mom was really really sick. So she was in hospital and was taken away who really and given to my grandparents to look after.

But as as we're talking about it, I felt like there was, it wasn't a love for me it was almost like they felt obligated to look after me and my dad would pop in every night and say, Hi, how are you play with me? Right? I have no memory of that. That's Yeah. Hi, mom. So how do you know you've got abandonment issues?

So show up? It crops up Hell has a crop up. Um, bit like you I don't make girlfriends very easily. I look for family. I try and create family. So I don't have any over here.

So you're trying to create the family that you didn't that you didn't really have? Yeah, you're trying to like, get that connection? Because you lost it? Yeah. So you don't make friends. You just make family you keep family too close to you.

Yeah, I try to be tried to Yeah, so you spend your life trying to do that. Yeah, trying to create. You know, I have really good friends that come over and I'm a bit the same. I entertain I do have friends come over. Yeah. But then I sort of just go and have dinner and then the next day I take off have dinner, eat your food, drink your wine.

And I just want my head how to write, consolidate that way. Does that make you feel when I do that? let down. Yes. You kind of you don't get that reciprocate. They don't invite you over.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, some some do. I have really good friends but not have you. No one said, Oh, I thought I had a good connection with you. Just when you wake up you realize? Yeah, it's like tissue You don't even know. And it's when you wake up you go.

Hang on a minute. Because no, it was normal before. That was your normal programming. Yeah. And then you go, Oh, I'm not feeling good. Then you start realizing that you have feelings and it doesn't feel good.

Then you actually go Why don't I feel good? Oh, that's because they come for dinner. They eat my food, drink my wine, and then go or whatever, and then go. And then we just recycle that they come back and go say, and then they take off. And then you start to feel that feeling. Hmm.

And I thought we were closer. You know, I always because I want family, I guess always think I'm closer today, right? They obviously don't feel the same way. And sometimes the universe to wake you up does this sometimes you end up in a crisis, because you've given given given, you're worn out, you have been looking after you because you care more about them. You have your crises, and then you go No one's here. So in helping me Yeah, there's no one around.

We're all they just don't. They just went poof. Exactly. And then you've walked through these exercises realized that stemming from this childhood, which I have no, right? But you just knew that that you have a memory because it's very young. But that's what you knew.

Hey, happened and now you can see where it was created Wow. And then it was consolidated by actually getting up and leaving the country that I had family at the age of nine so then where were you living at age nine in Germany and then we came over here to Australia All right, I lost all of that family driving have the extended family right so you are even more empty? Yeah, yeah. So hold that thought because at the end of today, I'm going to ensure that you all get your fragments back last part of you that's your identity. Yeah. Was in Germany.

That's and that's your family to a foot in each country but I don't really belong a name Yeah. So always feel a bit misplaced. And home is actually in here. So when we get you home feeling home right now. Then wherever you are becomes home. Okay.

Because what we Put in here is wholeness, appreciation for self connected. And your home we got to get you feeling home inside Really? Because that's what it sounds like. Yeah, I've done a bit of work in the past because I knew leaving Germany was a big, big thing for me. Yes, but I hadn't realized it at going back even further until yesterday. Well you say, this is how you look at it.

You look at it, how's your life working for you? It's, it's fine. It's great. It's fine. But if you've got an obstacle, then you go Okay, we got to address this we got to find out why are you repeating that pattern over and over? So then how, what level of appreciation Do you feel 10 is great appreciation zero is no appreciation if you would have ranked that go on a daily basis my rating of appreciation In that I feel is what?

Possibly six. So you feel pretty above appreciated above average. Yeah. who appreciates you? my kids and my husband. Right.

And how do they show that appreciation? That pull it white and they hug me and the things that awful was craved. Yeah. See, they're very awkward them up to be very expressive. So yes, that unity is good. So you've put all the energy there.

Yeah. So how old are your kids? Once I've got five, right. So you made sure you had a lot. But then a family happened? Yeah, nothing by accident.

So you've held the youngest. So what's gonna happen when they're all older? We got five so you will get lots of grandchildren. You just got you go and take care of your grandchildren and visit them like you. Oh, yeah, but I'm not on I'm not up bought them up to be independent. Yes.

Well, yes. I'm not even though I understand that there's something lacking. Yeah, I've had a big family. Yeah. I don't try and write them yet. I think that's well, that's good.

So he kind of like had this, you know, kind of what I need family. Yes. I'm married into a big family and I got accomplished. So they went through the deal. So how does that make you feel? So you've already got if you if you took your family away, because there's people without family, we removed your family.

How much appreciation would you feel outside of your family? 10 is a lot zero is not let's just look at everyone else besides the immediate family. Right? Yeah. That's the real number. Because you've done really well designed like that.

But if If we took them away, you're still only at you're down at a three we need to be able to say take everything away. And what number would you be? without anybody? Yeah, that's right. Right. So that's the truth.

Yeah. So now you've recognized everyone don't poof yeah is this they go poof is a after you is that because you don't have any more parties at your house you don't invite them oh basically you don't let them take advantage of you. Yeah, I haven't bothered to awkward on my last set busy I think you know, I used to I still have an open house for when it's the kids birthday yester but they don't make themselves available. They they're also busy right? But I always thought that if you had a big family or you have family Yeah, yep. birthdays you celebrate them together.

Yeah, families about not just once a year at Christmas time, but that you the kids grow up they get to know that cousins and you have this idea. Do stick, right? And then you guys, you guys, swap numbers. There you go. And now you've got a vibrational match. Yeah, these now and then you have real family which aren't blood family but they like family as in the way they treat you.

And this is the thing with family just because they're family doesn't mean you need to have them in your life. Because if they're super toxic, which can happen if you have grown up in a toxic childhood, which is what I always say my family just connected. Toxic, not really toxic. My mom's toxic. Well, my mom has to be toxic to some degree. A mother that allows abuse has to be disconnected in some way.

And she doesn't apologize. So you wrote this. Yeah. Is that what's going on here? What are you copping out? You're copping out about family being toxic some toxic family members Yeah, come on don't be close to me.

Like she says she like she says keep people away or whatever. No, don't keep them away. What did you say when you first met me I intimidate people. And ultimate dating. Oh, that's great. I think it's fair like this.

You think it's funny? Yeah. Because I don't think I'm intimidating at all right now I would stay friends. Are you friends but she's she's strong Yeah, she's she's strong because she go if I if I like chip if I like upset her she's gonna give me shit. And that's it. So if she bought you like if she invited me over for dinner or something and I didn't reciprocate or and I started to not like give her what she wanted.

She'd be getting mad at me. No, I don't know. I don't think I get mad enough. But I think I just got I don't know what I mean. Like I sort of wanted to suppress it then. Yes.

Where does it where do you put it? So it's stuck in here so it's actually vibrating inside it's got this right well there you go so so you're containing dealing with two things great abandoned men on because of my weight. So you've you've stuffed in your emotions. Yeah, yeah so you're you're vibrating that that like anger inside you don't realize you pushed it down but it's stuck in there because really if we said how we actually got you to express all that hurt. Yeah. And all that anger and all the abandonment and all of the feeling used.

We actually got you to connect to that. What would that look like? yesterday's blubbering this? Yeah. Right. Your blubbering mess yesterday.

Well, yeah, that's great. Wow. This is your next one. had that sort of epiphany that that all went together? Yeah, you've put it much nicer so I can get it right in my head now. Oh, I'm so glad so you tell me all right, you repeat back to me.

This is great. You're you're connected. This is good. Tell me and respond back to me what it means to you now. It just means I need to step back and value myself and say, Boy, it's just not meant to be with some people. They don't that just because they're family doesn't mean the they the values of the same, I guess.

I always wanted a big family because I didn't get that connection, but I don't actually need that. Yeah. Okay, so you actually missed it's a spot. There you go. They're gone. Yes.

But who knows what she missed? She put down if you know what she missed. What did she Miss? That you need to value yourself? Yeah, the inside. It's not that when you go well, there's just people Like that you are the creator of them.

Yes. Sorry they are in your universe. So it's like, once you start appreciating and loving you, then and yes, you have to what happens is because you've been a person that hasn't valued yourself, and as operated in a different way of trying to keep things close, because you didn't want to feel abandoned or whatever you've done, you now got to change that identity. So that means the people that you've created, what may not fit the new you. So it either is ask, you know, seeing if they're going to step up, or if they don't, then they go, but it's definitely telling you the universe is saying that is what is inside this jar. Yeah.

And if you want that to change, you're kind of keep running and cutting off. You've got to change inside. Yeah. And that might be I mean, you You are a strong woman but i think that i think that it's become I think all that hurt and all that has kind of like stayed inside and I think that might be this there is something about you you go I'm not intimidating but I'm scared. I might my other friend says you've got more fun than Myers yes a fairly shy person but I've learned to be and maybe and sometimes you just can maybe go over it's a bit like he may have you may you may sometimes push your push yourself in a way that isn't naturally unified. You might be gone after I've been charged so I'm going to speak up because you don't look like you're shy.

So my behavior to cope through Yeah, and maybe that's it then do you think that might be it? He still stand away. Come closer. You keep moving. Up there. Yes.

How did you feel when I was next year because I've always received the room. You're really helpful, right? Exactly what you've said is what I've got as well. Yeah, yes, there is some similarity. You're when it's scary. You're like, not as those I, there's this is probably because you're younger.

She's been doing this for longer. I don't know. How would you 5151 you don't look at how would you 45 Okay, well when you do it for longer you build up that persona and that energy for longer so she's, you know, anxious a little bit. And how do I start again? Your cha cha is a little more yes that like I'm gonna speak my mind and I'm gonna it's almost like I'm gonna boota boota boota Shu down a bit that's just what it feels like you might not be you not may not be saying I would do that. But that's what it feels like it maybe all they heard that you've heard.

Yeah. I've always and we've never fought Yeah, well, yeah, yeah to talk with others, but I think holding Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah. Well that's cool. Well, that's alright then that's you use similar that's because you're kind of similar. You're a bit scary to you know, I'm you know, and I'm also different things people might find me too.

But sometimes I think that I'm a little Pussycat, but it's there. And I'm just, I'm just responding to energy of people. But you guys have got personas a little bit. I mean, I like the truthfulness of it, but it probably just needs a bit more alignment. That's all don't change you. But it's aligner.

Because it did. If someone's saying that there's something about that I always find it's a constant message. It's got to be looked at. You've got to go Oh, no, it's just them. It's not me. Because universe talks to you.

Anyone got any comments? to skip? Yes. Sometimes it would push the boundaries more than others. You might have the same conversation with five people and five people where they go, you know, that's fine. But there'll be one that really wants to challenge you Really?

Go you and like, how dare you be like, you know, I have a lot of acquaintances. I know just about everyone and everybody just about annoys me. I don't know how that happened. How did they treat you like are they one you know, they were quite happy with the way and in that group, other ones that pushed about, like really, really tricky, you know, tip Lock sheet. Yeah. We're getting real now.

Thanks, Deborah. Okay, well, we're talking friendship. So like, yeah, yeah. So how do you feel? How do you feel about your mom? We Well, I do love her that we have a strained relationship and and knowing to talk to her Yeah.

How often once or twice a week right and we don't and she treats you like shit. And no she's changed too but I've changed I've I've done a lot of work on that abandonment and oh, okay, I'm getting a look you know, I'm getting a no over there. And but how do you feel about it? How do you feel about her if she was coming in this door? How would you feel and she's going to watch you speak? How are you going to feel towards her watching you right now?

Give me a number of what is it? What did you feel frustrated with? 30 feel angry? What is the word fulfilling get frustrated? how frustrated would you feel anywhere between an ite and an Well, that's high. So you know, it just feels like you are trying to say I love my mom and I don't feel bad, but she's really hurt you and that's not really addressed.

And you kind of like push it down. And I think that's that energy that then stuck in you that gets a bit. You feel it. As I said, we feeling what's in here. And because you're, you know, there's a soft side to but it's what's in here like this. Yeah.

You said you're putting on whiteness because you're suppressing your emotions. So I think it's that because that's why if you really spoke your emotion to be a lot of hurt and anger, like oh my god, you've heard me so much. And now I'm 51 and I'm still hurt and I speak to you twice a week. And then I have to suppress and I have to hold it down but I need to love you. And it's and but you but I still haven't got an apology and I still haven't resolved all this. And that's I think the energy.

Yeah. What do you reckon? You? Right? I'm always right. Don't fight.

It's not pretty if anyone had a say anyone had, yeah, experienced that. Yeah, that's so that's great. Yeah. So, so this is going to be your roleplay of actually getting it out of all of those years of expressing it, and then changing the relationship because otherwise you're going to walk around with that energy of your mum disrespecting you take that energy, and you will go out and create it, and then you will, people will feel it on you. That's how that's probably what that's about. Yep.

Yeah, yes. This is great. So what we'll do now is a roleplay. We do a roleplay you're going to so what you would do, this is how it's going to look. We're going to do it now. I'm your mom.

Yes. I want you to tell me. I want you to tell me how much I've hurt you. But I want you to Express as that child Express, all those years of hell have hurt you. You keep moving away. I'm not moving as you would if I'm here.

If I'm here, then you if I was back and you keep moving that way, and Okay, come over here, right? You stay you stay. There we go. On the on the elephant, you're the elephant, okay? And she moves away. She's scared of the elephant.

I'm your elephant. Now I don't know where to start. Okay, um, you hurt my feelings when you're when you're prouder of my friends than you are of me. And we're doing this same thing and I'm putting me down telling me I should have been a lawyer, but I'm wasting my brain and I'm just or you ring me at work and just because you're having a bad day, and you just scream at me on the phone, and I'm supposed to just sit there and put up with it, which I do you because I can't do anything about it because I'm at work. And you can, I can hang up. That's right.

That's like, excuse me. All right now this is a good guy. Sorry. But this is you're in denial. You are in denial. You are in denial of what's really happening.

And you do have a choice now and this is going to be this process. You have a choice and we're going to disconnect you feeling obligated to your mother and you have to put your needs first. This is this because you don't put your needs first. You put her first and this and it's destroying you. All right. So I want to get you out of you do have a choice.

So I have a choice and tell me then that you will not speak to call me at work say don't come at work. Great. Call me at work. It's disrespect. Yeah, I want you to swear at me. I owed you some gimmick.

Come on, give me some. Come on. I can't tell you how you really feel. No, no. I can walk. Come on.

Come on, get it out. Come on, give it to me. You can you can fucking Give it to me. Come on. Or just I just say dude, just swear. Yeah, well, what happened?

Back there was your line. Is this elephant to say? Well, tell me the fuck off or something. Come on. Give it to me. Don't leave me.

That's better. Thank God. Yeah, I'm fine deserve it. No, I don't know if you have to get real Come on get it fucking better. I don't deserve you deserve the crap. Yeah, and I don't Yeah.

I think she's done it. has she done it? Is that better? Is that feel good? You loving yourself now? Yeah, that's better Guess what, Randy just changed.

I don't feel so scared if I were anymore. I don't know. You don't feel so it's like, you got a bit real. You got real and I feel like you expressed yourself real so now I know who you are and, and it feels like it's taken away off your shoulders. Yeah. Thank you.

Any time you all come So, you're going to do that one exercise now roleplay get get it out and then you can take a break. So exercise 11 do the roleplay of what your obstacle is to change the dynamics.