How was that exercise? who felt him who felt emotional? You felt emotional, emotional? Who had no emotion doing it? Okay, so those who had no emotion, keep your hand up if your life is stressful today, if you put put your hand up said I felt no emotion, but I have a stressful life. Keep your hand up.

Okay, well that just were never really said that saying I'll say more disconnected. There's a disconnection to the pain that you you had. And so you're disconnected, not your fault. If you think about life, sets you up to be disconnected. You just have to turn the TV on and you want to disconnect from the horror and your childhood. Most childhoods not that you know tractable that that pleasant for a lot of women I've met men, but we are in a women's workshop is not that conducive to having you feel loved and adored and free, and the world is a safe place, it's sort of good the other way.

So therefore, it becomes your energy field and therefore you just recreate that childhood. Do you have any comments about that before we work on Yes, it's not one single year where anything was normal. But I've done a lot of work so I think my my lack of emotion was more about Okay, we haven't haven't done like gone into it felt the pain processing it. And then getting it becomes as it's another story now. It's not like we try to come up and Shall we do this? We'll find you say you've done lots of courses on you know, trying to get you know, you said What was your goal for the courses Lots of goals but yeah, let's do that one workout the edge.

Can you bring your book? Yeah, yeah. All right. I'm just gonna show, Isabel Yeah. So tell me then, what's something that's not been resolved in your adulthood? system?

Think coming here? Yeah. Oh my inability to move to shift my weight. Okay. Okay. And you said you've done in a child healings and you've been on this journey for a long time but it's still a bit the same.

Yes. All right. What is your childhood consist of? sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse mother being beaten every day such as Stephen King novel, right? It is. Okay, it's a horror story.

Yes, absolutely. Wow. Have you been on your knees going through dark night of the soul to it Do that many times. Yeah, yeah, times. Yeah. And what's your level of self worth today?

10 Is great. Zero is not great. I would say, I really admire me. Yes. About a nine. Yeah, you feel good.

She thought she loves her. I'd have my two things to go into that. But But yeah, but the ease as I'm speaking, I can feel the emotions. While I think that there are like highlights in the when I looked at the snaps or, or the crest, you know, not even one single year of just even anything that I could feel. If you had to ask me, is it anything, go back to childhood and experience something beautiful or good or whatever. You know, when you do meditation?

I go blank, because there is nothing. Yeah. And I think that, that can I just say something? Yeah, you probably was nothing because you were so disconnected. You couldn't feel anything because there was probably an animal that was you could have had a relationship but you were so disconnected. You probably didn't feel They probably were little sides.

I'm not saying your life is great. But along that journey, they could have been something that was nice, but whether like an animal I mean, I don't know if you like animals, but for me an animal was a good thing. You probably I don't know you disconnected from it. Is that what you know? No, I think there was a connection. But there was always a fear because one of the belief systems my mother held is if you happy if you if you laugh, we weren't allowed to laugh or smile.

If we laugh. My father would go in rage and he would hit her, or as in like to stop the laughter. So there was no so you were really afraid to laugh and Okay, so if it was anything good, it was like a knee jerk reaction. What's going to happen? Yeah, if I feel good, yeah. All right.

So if you don't mind where I pick, I mean, this is the process you're going to go through to find out nitpick and have a look at what's still blocked in you're just going to energetically read it just to cut to the chase. You Because after on the next page you're going to be writing down the top five most traumatic events. And then we're going to see how that program still runs in your life now, so I'm just gonna energetically just see the age because this is a this you'll come to this conclusion by the end of two days for your blocks, but let's just take a quick look and see how we can look at what pattern is still affecting your weight so I could go 18 1514 1312 1110 So tell me what you've written at age 10. Um, probably actually the least. The least energetic.

Yeah, I was I was in hospital totally outside a poor. You Where were you in the hospital in Kenya, this is Africa. And I remember being really feeling like I didn't belong. We were like, We will Portuguese so we were sort of considered like part of the blacks. We were like poor whites. And at age 10, what's different at that age, then at the other ages, so what was happening so I can find out I think what started here was I probably had actually put that day that I remember the German girl from the bakery.

Yes. Signing up for me. Right. That's weird. Does so that's a good thing. Yeah, that was a good thing.

Actually. That's something good. Say, yeah, I think you're stuck. And I think one thing by what you said nothing, nothing ever. Yeah, it's almost like, it's been so bad. You've actually said there's nothing good.

It's almost like nothing can be done. It is so bad. And that's the first clue that I'd get to your mindset. Yeah. It's almost like Oh, how can I get out of this and wait is often a protection. It's, you know, don't be too attractive.

So people don't make advances. So as you would have already known, but the first thing that I said language because you said nothing so now I've got to find something because you because you said that I haven't been able to we just found one thing What's the difference? Besides the good thing around that time? She stood up for you Why did she stand up? Because you know people were electrical kids at school. So as as outsiders we were poor I didn't have choose when I went to school and she would bring me like sweets or whatever it is from the bakery.

Bring you sweets. Oh my god. So it's kind of like the good The only good thing was tweets represent love that kind of thing. Hello? Absolutely. Not because Erica wasn't me.

That was it, Erica, but that oh my god. Yes. Everything. You just get an epiphany. Yes. Because all our childhood was about poverty and suddenly someone gives you something and give it to me.

So eating sweets is now healing. It's like oh my god, what did she bought whatever that was a pastries from the from the box. Yeah, I'm amazed. Like that was you guys she's done everything you think Am I gonna really get this? Yeah. So okay so what that is now programmed you is sweets and pastries is a comfort, it's a good thing about life it was the kindness of somebody.

So you will continue that because that is what your your chart was horrific. So that is really hard to let go of, but you have to know it to see what you're saying about pastries and sweets and change a belief about it. And just to go back on the output a supermarket at that stage, my dad had opened up a supermarket we grew up on a farm outside of Kenya, which is of nowhere. And then in the town. We actually I think we might have moved that stage to the town. And he opened up the supermarket and I remember going down and there was all this stuff.

Now for somebody who's new ever had was always dreamed about food because some days we only had one meal. And well, you know, so I would get the I remember them it was coconut rolls, and I stole them and I ate them secretly some way and down in whatever this little warehouse and I went from being so skinny absolutely skinny that my parents took me from doctor to doctor to massively overweight I was 40 size 40 at age 11, which was the following year. Wow. So for you this is this is what it sounds like for you that you were starving. So you always say dreamed about food. So then we now that you've had got to have it.

Food is for you so that you never have to feel that pain of going hungry? Absolutely. Yeah. So this is this to relationships. These are relationships that you have with food and then also that relationship when you talked about that girl giving you a lollies, so it's very much the only love you guys ahead. Yes.

So we're gonna start working on that this weekend. So now we're just getting some epiphany on why you have a bad relationship or a wrong relationship it's present something that is not and the sweet you you actually think probably the sweets and the pastries you probably go for them more than others job searching whoops, there we go. That's because that's the love that you got. And that's so therefore we're going to have to be changing it. Is that good? Absolutely.

Have you ever seen it like this before? Not with this specifically, but it know that food represented a comfort. So I mean, I've done as I said a lot of the work so I understood that food was whatever my you know, first of all, we weren't we didn't have so yeah, it was something that was beautiful. And it was for rich people rather than for poor people. Right. And and so how much have you worked on your beliefs?

Put a little girl on that, um, I think quite a bit. I did a piece procedure with Gary Craig Wright and around that, but I think that that aspect of it. I think Eric has aspects for me that I didn't associate because I haven't thought of at all in. Yeah, you know, and the only girl The only friend. Yeah. And she was older than me and I don't know why.

Yeah. So all right well, but that's so traumatic. There's a lot that's happened in your childhood. But we will continue because you'll get more epiphany is to like fine tune this. Beautiful Thank you. So what you are now going to write is your five most tragic, traumatic, tragic.

The most traumatic ages, the programs and the beliefs, beliefs, the negative patents it created. So for instance, Isabel Isabel Yes, she's got a lot of stuff happening and for her, you know, it's like, you just go Well, I'm not worthy of really anything. I'm not worthy of happiness. Happiness, is means you get hit. So there's these really tough like you're amazing woman to have gone through that and standing here with so courageous, so you're not surprised you're proud of yourself but we can, we'll can work on the remaining stuff and it is it's a journey as you know, you don't go. You don't just, you know, take the pill and you're done, right?

It's this continual journey, but the journey also expands your consciousness and expands your spirituality, then I want then, okay, so you do the five most traumatic and you can just throw out a couple of sentences, then what you're going to do is analyze how you're still doing those same programs, and I can help you with that in adulthood. So just right where you can but we'll go and check on how they're showing up if you're not sure. For instance, your idea about food or sweets, sweets is kind of her friend. Let's say Your life been judged in childhood. You're judged you will in adulthood probably have negative self talk and judge yourself. I want you to see if you can parallel the same dance you're doing the same things you're saying to yourself.

Alright, so do those two exercises and then we shall regroup.