All right, so let's take a look at one of your problems that you have. And then we'll do a roleplay. So anybody got a problem that they'd like to roleplay to shift? This program? And this attraction that they keep doing? Want to come up and have a bit of fun.

Come up, Mary. Bring us beer. Bring up your book. Good girl. All right. Let's have a look.

So what have you got? You tell me what you wrote. What's your pattern? I create negative relationships. Do you? Ah, cool.

Do you have the job? Get the job put the Jetta. Great. So tell us about these negative relationships. What? How negative are they?

I'm pretty So destroying really, really? So you and I will never be friends? Probably not. No, I'm not negative enough. No. I think I just think negative and respond What?

I've clearly come next to me. She says she doesn't want to be my friend. To me my friend. Yeah. All right. So tell us you Yes.

Talk more. So yeah, I see this as a negative thing because it's foreign to me. You see, oh, you seen kindness as a negative? Yes. No, not really a negative. You're saying that's what the unit?

I'm scared of? Because you've never had it? Yes. You've never had it? Yes. So kindness isn't something that you think you're deserving of?

Yes. Yeah. You think you're deserving of you deserve I know I deserve it's just the words. Remember? He's the guy inside because we use your childhood negative. Yes, you would treat a badly Yes.

And I'm sorry. Alright, so you don't see it, you see yourself worthy of negativity. That's the level that you see. Okay. And yeah, all right. So you're in a negative relationship now, nor nor sort of at the end.

And had it'll end? Really? Well, actually. I don't know. We actually came to Melbourne. Yeah, a couple weeks ago, right.

And we'd really broken up or whatever. And we just resolve everything, but to speak about our feelings and right. And yeah, it was just do you think you might want to go back? No, right. Does he know, right? So so then you've solved your negative relationship issue is that solved?

You know, all you do, so you don't get negative relationships anymore? You know? Yeah, no, it's only been a few weeks. But he just changed in the last week or two, but actually, I met a guy just recently. Oh, So tell me about him. He was like me.

He like a Cline's and generous gifts shifted your pattern. Yeah. So so before that you're always attracting a similar guy. Yes. Why do you think you've changed? I've been doing a lot of work myself.

Well, yeah, you have changed. Mary's got gorgeous karma. She's got buckets full. So it's actually quite easy. She would be the type that I'd say hop up on my table. Because you took a lot of boxes for the good energy she's also very expressive, which means you can get in you am tired.

Yeah. What's it Filipina tacky, so it's an easy energy to get in? Cuz they're expressive, right? these cultures are expressive, so she's easy that way, in a good easy way. Not not boyfriend. And you lovely.

She has kind thoughts about people. You can feel them So you heard comments Great. So I'm not surprised that now finally and you've changed yourself in that relationship you probably started you you probably the difference in that past relationship. You decided to talk or something and talk it out with my ex. Yes. So that's something different.

Yeah. Normally you hold it in. Yes or not go away. Really? You guys talked it through? Yes.

You got it out of your comfort zone. Horrible, but I kind of used him as an experiment. To see how far I'd gotten with the communication. Forensic experiment. Dog, give me my name or number. I don't want to call it me.

However, yeah. I can do my course. Probably sign up and guide to get the universe working for me. when needed, he noticed I've changed a lot. Oh, do ya Really? Yes.

Right. forensics. Yes. If and his family has changed to like a family of alcoholics and very negative talk, really? Yeah. And I've stuck around and enjoyed a lot of pain.

And it's pretty full on. Because it's just been I've just kept going and going just to see what unconditional love could do. And it's just changed everything. Like the whole dynamics between him and I really don't react. I'm not, you know, like, get that jealousy. Wow, I'm not reactive to, you know, yeah, those little things, you know, those triggers, right.

Yeah. You know, Mary, I mean, you came up with a patent. You had this already resolved. Yeah. All the rains. The roads Place and the red flag would have been the discussion which is already gone through.

So I can't kick us in any I can't that's my favorite thing to do. I can't even like how, you know had this conversation you just play you'd play the role Really? Well, you've because you've already learned the discussion. Yeah. So the roleplay would be you know, would be this discussion thing. I don't feel I deserve to be treated like that.

And, and that's these are the this is the roleplay you start doing a different roleplay Mary's already done it. I think she just want to get out. You know, I think she's loving herself. I think she's loving herself a bit here, which is awesome. And tell us about the new man in a life who is beautiful. Yeah.

Yeah. However, because he's not there or freaked out. Oh, really? I now put a blocker Okay, like right okay, so maybe we could do this one. So this is the conversation that you need to had to get out of your comfort zone now to move to the next level. So I up him okay.

I'll be you. Yeah. All right. All right, so tell me some talk to me. Do you talk he does and then I'll call me sexy you know you really make me feel comfortable. I love being around you and I want to get to know you better and you know, you're freaking me out you're freaking out.

Freaking me out. No, no, don't tell me that shut down. And now you go. You know what? I'm feeling really shut down. Sorry.

I just don't mentally shut down so I'm not used to people that are so nice. Can you please be patient with me? Can you please just I really liked you. Do you want to take this shoot today down You never normally would come up the front and now you are so correct. So changed sorry. That's cool.

Okay it's almost like a sinese for frenzy killing, isn't it? I'll just I'll just do one quick more roleplay I need someone up here that hasn't got this stuff worked out. You know? Let's go as Amanda said, Man, right? Hema, Hema, sir I can't see my eye. My glasses are not come up.

All right. So let's go straight into the situation and then we'll do the roleplay. So come over here. So tell me what what's happening. What's your pattern? My attack selfish people, selfish people.

Really what they just want you to. They want it oh their way I just found that my friends is talking about this stuff and Oh, right. And so they like to drop their problems on you. Yeah. And you Listen, don't you? Yeah.

Okay, cool. This is great. I love this one. This is really great. All right. So tell me what you've written down then.

We'll see you got someone right now? Yeah, my husband, right. Okay. Hubby. Don't give him my number or just that, you know? No, no, he'll be fine.

Yet to talk. Tell me what he does. And it's a little bit fresh. He was a bit sensitive about it because it first so sorry. All right. It's like something you did recently.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was just there. That's okay. So he will just go away for a couple of days and it's not come home. Just go away and not him. Does he call you does he tell you where he is?

Is he Nothing he used to respond to text when I hated it, but um, just recently, he doesn't. And so for the last week, I came to your course last week and asked him hadn't heard from him. But yeah, so I'm calling him and he doesn't respond. I've got two kids as well. You got two kids with him. We got two children with him.

And he just goes away and doesn't even tell you. And when he comes back, what does he tell you? And he had lots of stuff to work through and stuff. He has to work through he, yeah. And how's he been doing this pattern for? Me got worse when we had kids?

I think it brought up a lot of childhood stuff. So I understand that. Yeah, that's right. Well, I've dealt with it. We've got a four year old and a two year old, right. So he's been doing this first since he knew him in like in just getting worse.

All right, and you don't. So is this a pattern that you've also had people that would do other people that would do this sort of thing. not go away from me, but just put themselves first put themselves first. Yeah. So what's in her jar is here I am here to put myself last so universe because I will put myself last and she's been putting yourself last universe Cemil the people that want to put themselves first. So that's been with anybody, whether it's a family, whether it's friends, and now the husband.

So this is as you can see, it's your common pattern. So you got to change inside. So don't worry about changing him, you change you. So when you put yourself first means you have needs and you might say that isn't acceptable. And stop making excuses for him. And you start you know, let's just discussion then okay.

I'm you. You're him. So you come home after and I say so. Where have you been? at the studio, where, where he works at the studio up in the studio for three days. Yeah, yeah.

You didn't get in. Think to call me Tell me. No, I just first I was just felt so guilty that I just, I couldn't call you. So I stayed and I felt guilty and then I just now and I feel bad. And I felt shame and you know, I come home. Yeah.

Yeah. So as you can see, the longer you leave it, the worse it gets. Yeah, but I just couldn't get out of my head and I shouldn't get any therapy, don't you? Yeah, he started going to timber. That's fine. That's what that's when it got really bad.

So he's got he still goes to 30 he's still gonna you're still doing therapy? Well, he didn't i didn't go last week when I had my meltdown. Right. Well, that's when you should go. Yeah, but I felt so guilty and yeah, feel kind of shame. Well, I'm gonna tell you something.

You know, I've been doing this pattern with you and others for now you seven years and everybody else. And you know what I realized? that this isn't a we're not role modeling. role modeling well for the children, they think that that's normal behavior. And I don't think our children should see a relationship like that. And they deserve better, I deserve better.

So I'm just going to let you know that in future, I will require you to contact me anytime you have one of your episodes. I don't not going to tolerate this. And I'm going to give you six months. And if I don't see, there's no excuse. If you do not text me and advise me, then in six months, we're going to have a different discussion. And I'm not going to be tolerating this, because we've got children.

Now, I may not have cared about my feelings, but I'm changing this. So do you think you'll be able to at least let me know when you decide you're going to you're going to tell me and when you have got your stuff and you have to leave? Do you think you can do that? Yes, yes, we Problem is his net. He's blaming me for it now. Well blame me then.

I'm a contractor. I love this. Come on, bring it on. So, first it was because Tell me what it was first was my anxiety, my anxiety. So tell me he's an anxiety. So he's coming here.

First, I felt so anxious because nothing was working out in the studio. But recently, I feel like unsupported by you and support so I don't support you. So what do you want from me? What do you want? I want you I want to be the focus, so you spent too much. You want to be the focus.

I spent too much time when the kids and you don't pay me attention and you don't support me, right? And I'm okay, well, I'm sorry. You feel that way. And I acknowledge your feelings, but that's why you need therapy. Because when you take off everything that you're feeling you are actually putting on me that's actually how I feel. So now you know how I feel.

You might feel unsupported, but now you might get a feeling of how I'm feeling. So we have children, and I have needs. And if you've got, you're thinking that this is my fault, then you're not looking in again, I said six months, you need to work on all of that. read some books, do some change, because I'm not going to do this after six months. I'm just pre warning you. You need to text me, you need to stop blaming me.

And you need to make sure that you are a good role model for our children. So we're in month, March now. So I'm looking at October. So I've got it written in my diary. I just need you to know I've set the boundaries. How are you feeling about that?

So cause you anxiety? Well, I didn't do that years ago about his his stepmother. He had a rough childhood. And he said that I was reminding him of his stepmother. Because if you did that, somebody years ago, you should have left then because I've just given you a deadline. you've just done In that you just rewarded bad behavior.

So he knows you're never going to do it. Yeah, it worked out so many times. Yeah, like you keep coming back. So he's like a kid, I can get away with it. I know she's not really meaning that. So you treat you teach people that it's okay.

You're going to keep rewarding bad behavior. You keep going back. And he knows you don't mean. So you actually got to mean it though. This last one was was worse than Yeah. So far, look in the jar.

That's your pattern. So you've either don't say it if you don't mean it, or Mina. I can't, I can't change that only you can change it. So if you're going to say you're going to mean it. And if you want things to change, you've got to start finding you deserve respect. And that's going to take this he's teaching you in fact he's your teacher decide deserve more.

This is brilliant. comfortable for you to leave, isn't it? I just feel bad for him. Yeah, you care more about him, don't you? You do. You've got two children and your own feelings.

Those children need a stable happy mother and environment. This isn't stable and happy. And disconnect from feeling responsible with what happened in your childhood. Were you responsible for others in your childhood? No, we were six kids. So I guess you you were.

I was one of six kids. So you're always looking after? So you're always looking at someone else. And you weren't really valued. just too busy, right? too chaotic.

No, no, no, it was it was. Were you treated? Well, were you given respect. Were you valued? Yeah, my mom doesn't have much self worth. Remember.

So your mom just served everybody else? Yeah. So you just turn her? Yeah, yeah, he's repeating the pattern. Do you have a little girl little to go? Yeah, she'll just pattern.

Do you want to do that pattern? No. So you have the power. So this is what you got to do. You got to look at why you do what you do. And then you've really got to change.

Are you ready to get uncomfortable? You're gonna cut one out. Well, that's a step. And I you've got a minute. So what have you learned in what I've said? to stick to what I say, and to make sure he knows what he's doing is not fun anymore.

Well, he knows that you've told him but it's about being real. You never real and you're not responsible. Yeah. So it's actually if you're going to leave you have a plan Don't you know please stop outside leaving now. I go, this is my plan. I start my six month plan.

Do it again. But so I mean it but haven't planned that that will be it and you have a plan because you can't say but had no plan. You probably said it but don't have a real long term plan. Do you have a long term plan? How much happier would it be if you didn't have to be worried about someone whether they're going to be home or whether they're not where you I mean, how much more peaceful with your energy be? You deserve better.

Alright, so what's your plan? To tell him that the next time well the next time you feel it makes me feel like I'm unsafe or that he's holding the back that he might kill himself or I say to my kill himself. I won't take it. Yes, you have to tell me I'm not saying I'm no longer with you talk to me. And you tell me that I'm him. And now you tell me this new plan.

If you put yourself before your family again, and disappear, so we can't contact you and your kids can't say goodnight to you have to find some So if you can't come back, and my marriage is over, okay? Okay then. And so you need to play it, you need a plan, I'll change the locks because you'll have a key and you can just come in. I'll change the locks. So you kind of have to plan it. change the locks, he's no longer coming back.

And you can tell him that so you got to have this plan that makes it that he's not able to, you know, slide back in. How did that make you feel when you said that? Sad for him. Sad for him. I famous Well, he's got no money. It's got no money.

Yeah, gonna money. Well, you know what he has, so when he's when it's bad enough, he'll help himself. He's actually not really he. He doesn't hurt him enough to really change. If he'd rather be on if you say that they kicked him out. If you'd rather be on the street with no money, then go way and make a call to you saying this, I'm just going through a crisis.

I'm away, probably back. So you could come back in the house. Do you remain here, there's this choice. Again, industry has no money or I make a call to my wife and tell my children, I'm just away having a crisis. And see your threats mean nothing. That's the problem.

So you get nice and clear. Do you see he does he does have a choice. So he could have stopped being responsible. Does that make sense? In the streets, or you can just make that one call. He can get uncomfortable.

So don't be an enabler. Make sense? Does that feel better? Yeah. Yeah. People only change when it's bad enough.

It's not bad enough yet for him. Because you have made it you've catered to him? sooner you could have. So this is it. So are you okay, so how are you feeling right now? Nobody's sick Yeah, getting stopped doing that.

Well, don't worry that's good. uncomfortable, uncomfortable. What uncomfortable level are you tennis a lot. Zero is not a nine. How often do you feel like a nine? Not often.

Not to cry, you know to cry. You want to cry surprising. You want to cry. And tell me what you're feeling when you want to cry. hopeless used. You feel used to you.

So you're said that you've actually allowed yourself to do this? Is that what you're feeling? you're acknowledging now you're acknowledging your feelings, aren't you? You're finally connecting to how much you've been hurt. You've stopped getting on that route. We'll just do it.

Doing you're now actually going, Oh my god, I'm hurt. Now you'll start connected, you'll see your children are hurting. If you're disconnected, you can't see your children hurt every time they do that. I'm glad you're crying. Because they're writing down all these dumb things. I've just seen all the people who just walked all over me walked over and over allowed to.

Yeah, so whenever you start taking responsibility, you'll slowly be able to climb back up, because I was the door. I was a doormat when I was I didn't think I had any worth. But now we're going to tell you you deserve better and your children do. So this is your client back up. So good. Make sure you do.

Well make sure you love yourself crazy. Love yourself. You remember this? You know what I'm going to choose to love myself. And you're reminding me to love myself. That's what you said when he does they do you remind me respect and love myself?

And you reverse it? Does she love myself? Because I was a doormat, people use me. And then I was married to a negative person. And I used to get frustrated. And then I started doing forensic healing.

And then I would say, I get you reminding me love myself. So I was conscious of how I was feeling instead of just getting mad, I turned into an affirmation, so I'm saying it every hour I worked with them. So work with him. Every day, every week every month I'm repeating it You're giving me love myself. Thanks for reminding me to love myself. I choose to love myself.

I love myself I choose to frickin love myself. Oh, look myself. But Dan love myself Come on myself anymore. loving myself. Why am I creating better something like this? So it's like, programmed into me.

Then after a while I'm gonna kill myself. What are you doing here? You know what I mean? It's like, I programmed, but all that emotion was turned into me loving myself. One thing that she said sort of I had similar experience, but what if there was a suicide? Because that's a big one to take, you know to say, put it back on the person and say it's okay if you that survived you choose Yeah, I can do it for you.

But saying it and really is really tough when your husband, fish, I'm gonna kill myself if you need me. Yeah, it is big. But you know what? How How many times has he said it? He doesn't say it that overtly. But he says every time he goes away, I've thought about killing myself.

And if I had to talk to you, you know, you might have come up more guilty. And I would believe at some point she's not responsible for his life, but that will push her. If she has to push through that say you choose. I can't be responsible for what you do with your life. If you want to hurt your children and hurt me and hurt your family. You got to make that choice but you need therapy, and I can't make you do that.

But you know what? Let's say she stays in the hip stay with him and does his patent for another 10 years. So the and then he does kill himself after she can't do it anymore. How worse would it be to be in a house with say, even killed himself in the house or it'd be better to be out of a house and distance from being responsible. It's manipulation. And it's tough, but you've got to like go, she has a pattern of responsibility.

And so she's attracted somebody that's making her responsible for his life. So that's big. But this is what's in her job. And her soul has been doing many lifetimes, and it's been on her soul and time to break it. And that's the role play. That you will need to do is say I'm not repeating sponsible and then you practice talking.

And then you can say it calmly. I'm happy to help you. I'm happy to but I'm not doing it like this. I'm happy in some way you work out the boundaries. I'm happy to support you, but I'm not doing it like this and whatever way makes it that you are also protected. And so your children, there's no, Sam, Donna, you give them the boundaries, and you tell them what you can help them do.

But you you've just been catering to him. You haven't set your boundaries because you never set your boundaries with anybody. Yeah, take a nice deep breath in. We'll be well, we've feeling right now. You better put your anxiety level on. Shouldn't anymore.

Now she's got it. She's bypassed it sort of maybe kinda give me up. So what you do is you're going to roleplay your response, just get out to people together and say, This is my situation. And I'm going to respond back to the person who's caused an issue or whatever you need to do. And if you're watching this online, you would just speak the words you would have a conversation with that person say, you know what, you know, to to her, but you need to say to I deserve better and you just speak it out in the ethers. In fact, the fact that you speak it and require those to be respected.

It actually shifts the energy. Because it's a thought. You just say I deserve this. But when you do a roleplay it's very powerful. It moves you past feeling uncomfortable. You'll be uncomfortable doing this process.

That's very uncomfortable. I get that. But if you just keep doing it energetically, after a while, it becomes more normal. So, right so if you, what you need to do is just partner up and say here is my new response to this situation and just roleplay it and then swap and then we're finished for the day. We're going to be back tomorrow at 930 and fresh and energized. Okay.

Thank you.