Hey Mama, welcome back to parently. In today we are talking about sex after you have your baby. For you, I know that sex isn't really the first thing on your mind. You have just been pregnant for 40 weeks or more. And you have this beautiful new baby, you're tired, you're sore, and sex isn't the first thing on your mind. And then there's your husband to consider who is probably excited to have you back too close to your normal size again, and maybe you weren't having sex up to delivery and he's excited to get back in bed with you.

So we've got some things to consider. With sex. It's not always right around the corner after you have a baby. And we're going to talk about what to expect and what are some things that you weren't really anticipating. When you go for your six week checkup with your physician or midwife, if you had a vaginal delivery, they're probably going to gives you the Okay, you can go for it. As long as there were no complications that are different than the typical woman.

For a C section, it's the same thing. You're going to go for a six week checkup and they're going to look at your incision, they're going to ask you how you're feeling and they're going to give you the Okay, they're going to tell you make sure that you don't strain too much you keep an eye on your incision, make sure that there is no malodorous smells, anything bad smelling any drainage that you don't get it dirty, etc. The typical Watch out for your incision. So six weeks that is what you're probably looking at. Now that can change based off of how you feel just because the doctor gives you the okay. Don't make that feel pressure on you that you have to go home and say yes to your husband.

It is a conversation for you to have with him. Now if you do want to run home and jump in bed with him right away. That's great. Know that you can Start ovulating as soon as three weeks after you deliver your baby. And so another pregnancy back to back with your previous one is not the safest thing for you or your baby. So it is very important before you leave your doctor to talk to him or her about birth control.

So if you are assuming that you're gonna go home and start intercourse, say what is something that is safe that I can take for my baby and for myself? So if you're breastfeeding, not every birth control is safe for you. There's really only one birth control pill option for you while you're breastfeeding. There are other options, talk to your doctor about your options, but make sure that you start some sort of contraceptive. So let's talk about some reasons why you might not feel comfortable being intimate with your husbands so soon after delivery. You just grew a baby inside of you for maybe 40 weeks plus, and then you got to delivery day and you delivered a bowling ball.

And that baby changed some things down there. So let's talk about some of those things that changed. You might have had a laceration when you delivered, the tissue actually tore to deliver your baby. And after you delivered depending on how severe that laceration was your midwife or physician put sutures in so they sewed up that tissue. And that's painful. So you are going to be having pain in your perinatal area.

And it's also scary to think that your tissue tour, a baby came out and now you're going to put something in that. That's scary. So definitely talking to your husband about that fear about that laceration. The second thing that changes with your vagina is the muscles. So the muscles in your perinatal area are an integral part of having an orgasm, the strength of that muscle and having the pleasure of sex. And so if those muscles are weakened because you delivered a baby And then on top of that, if you're breastfeeding and those muscles are just not healing because of the hormones that are counteracting the healing of those muscles, then you're not going to have as much pleasure in the bed.

And so you definitely want to explain that to your husband. So those Peniel muscles need to heal. Practice your key goals, talk to your doctor, make sure that they're healing correctly. vaginal dryness. So the hormones, especially if you're breastfeeding, but even if you're not, are just not back to where they were before you were gone before you got pregnant or before you had a baby. So you are going to have less lubrication down there.

You can ask your husband to use lubricant and I'm sure if he wants to have sex with you and you don't want to have that pain, he would probably be willing. So use some lubrication for that dryness. And that won't last forever when you get close to weaning your baby and you're not breastfeeding anymore. That will help That lubrication that natural lubrication will return to normal. Now the last thing with your vagina that I want to talk to you about is something that's super embarrassing for a lot of women, and we call it magical flatulence. So when you delivered your baby through your vagina, that tissue can prolapse a little bit, it just kind of comes down and sags a little bit.

And if air enters into your vagina, when it comes out, it can cause a farting noise. Now, it's not really a fart, there's no smell to it. There shouldn't be if there is a smell to it, there could be something else going on and you need to talk to your doctor or your midwife, whoever is your health care provider about that, but there should be no smell. It's just a noise that airs getting squished out. This doesn't always happen in intercourse. for you as a mom now and you are at home in your healing and your parents area.

And then your vaginal tissue. It could happen just when you bend over or when you get out of bed but it can be super embarrassing during sex. So talk to your your talk to your husband about it not your provider. If you want to talk to your provider about it, you can. But definitely talk to your husband about it. I'm sure he'll be understanding and just laugh about it.

All right, so let's now move on to some other body changes. So another body change after you come home and this is a part of your sex life is your belly. Because we as women can be very self conscious about our bellies. We want nice, thin, strong bellies, right? Well, you get home and you still look like you're six months pregnant, except it's not cute anymore. just looks like a big belly because nobody thinks there's a baby in there anymore.

Well just know that it does take four weeks for your uterus to contract and get down to a normal size again. Now after you have a baby, your uterus is never going to be the size that it was before you had any children, but it will shrink down again. It just takes about four weeks now There might be some extra flab there because as we, as pregnant women are pregnant and we eat, we like to eat a lot, and we put on some weight during pregnancy. Now, when you deliver your baby, you're going to lose a lot of weight with the placenta, the baby, the amniotic fluid, and blood loss. So it's just you're going to lose some weight, but you will still have some weight to lose. And I think your husband will be understanding of that, I know you're probably going to be more self conscious of it, than he is judgmental of you.

So with the belly and pregnancy also comes stretch marks. Not every woman gets stretch marks, and some women get terrible stretch marks and then there's women in between, and your belly isn't the only place. You can get them in your thighs in your butt. You can get them in your boobs, you know, all these non medical terms, areas that you talk about, you can get stretch marks, and a lot of times the belly is the worst, especially low. In the belly, where baby was sitting down in the uterus, those stretch marks can seem red and just ugly. Now they're never, they're not going to go completely away.

But over time, they will fade, and they will get better. So continue to moisturize those stretch marks and talk to your husband about the beautiful things that he loves about you, and not on the things that changed during your pregnancy. Now, the last part of your belly that I want to talk about is the linear niagra. This is probably something that you don't that you developed during your pregnancy, it was a black line down the middle of your belly, and it was hyperpigmentation. So the pigment in your skin was hyper it just overproduced and it created a black line down your belly. Now that you've delivered, it's probably still there and it will go away.

It'll come off kind of like dead skin or scab over time, but don't worry, it's not going to be there forever. Alright, so now let's move up a little bit and talk about the girls. So When you're pregnant, and then even after you're pregnant, if you're breastfeeding, they're still nice and plump and your husband is probably loving them right now. And you're saying, don't touch these, because the baby's on them all day long. And if you're a first time breastfeeding mom, it hurts. You have a baby sucking on your nipples all day long, and that hurts.

You have to get essentially calloused nipples. And I know that sounds really bad. They're not really you can't see calluses on them. They just become less sensitive over time. And so when you first deliver your baby, and it's only been six weeks after you've delivered and you're thinking about now my husband's going to be touching them too. That's scary.

So talking to your husband about the fact that okay, yes, we're going to have sex but please don't touch them. And then on the flip side of it, they you are all excited about getting in bed with your husband, and you didn't expect this to happen. You have a letdown. Which means that you just have milk starting to go everywhere. Maybe it's spraying him in the face, or it's just dripping everywhere. And that is because the same hormone that has to do with breastfeeding has to do with orgasm has to do with your sex life.

And so that is a natural process. Now, over time as you continue to breastfeed after several months, your breast will become less sensitive, and you'll be able to control that where they don't have let downs during sex. before that happens, there's a couple things you can do. For one, make sure that you nurse your baby before you have sex, you can feed baby put baby down for a nap, and then go for it. And this will help the letdowns decrease. Secondly, you can wear a nursing bra if your husband is okay with it and you're okay with it.

Just keep your top on and have fun in the bed and other ways. So two things you can do to prevent those letdowns. Now I want to move into the moms that experience posts partum blues. And this is not uncommon. So I know I'm talking to lots of Mama's here, postpartum blues. And then what could be more severe is postpartum depression.

And if you're one of these mamas, please watch our other video on postpartum depression. But I want to encourage you, I know you're probably not even thinking about sex. There is no sex drive right there, you're tired. You don't want to even maybe have intimacy with your husband. Please get help. Talk to your doctor about what you're going through.

And now I want to talk to you about how to thrive in your sex life after you have a baby. It is super important for you to for one, spend time with your husband and your baby, building a bond between the three of you. As you see your husband caring for your baby, you will be more attracted to him. So definitely encouraging your husband to care for this baby that you had a bond with over nine months. But he didn't. And that will definitely just give you some stirrings.

Secondly, eat healthy. Throw out that junk food, all the sugar, all the things that you just are craving all the time and start eating your fruits, veggies, whole grains in meat, get a diet that makes you feel good, that doesn't make you feel sluggish. That doesn't aid in your fatigue that you are already struggling with, and doesn't make you feel fat. I mean, sometimes I eat food and I'm just like, I feel fat after I eat that food. And people look at me like I'm crazy, but it does. It just makes you feel bad.

Thirdly, exercise, get outside, take your babies on, take your baby, maybe you have babies, take your baby on walks. So definitely starting with just some walking, speed it up to maybe some speed walking, then maybe lift some weights, but definitely get exercising. Thirdly, get good rest. I know you have a newborn and It's a lot to get used to. But go to bed with your husband when you can turn off the TV, turn off your phone, don't get distracted with things that are stealing time where you could be resting. Fourthly, I want to really, really, really, and I know I've done it so many times in this video encourage you to talk to your husband, that communication is definitely going to be the key to you not getting frustrated and him not getting frustrated because of expectations that aren't being met.

And lastly, be okay with the fact that a lot of women wait until maybe six months before they get in bed with their husband intimately again. So don't feel ashamed of that. Don't feel like you have to hide because that was you. And definitely have your husband watch this video because it is completely normal to want to wait those six months. So this is what I have for you today. I hope this was helpful and we'll see you on the next video.