Hey, good day. What we're gonna cover Today is lesson number five rapport nonverbal communication or nonverbal cues, as I may sometimes say. That's also includes BSA BAE Systems Analysis, which is pretty much body language. This is probably about 45 minutes long, there's a lot to it. The core of it is rapport. And the other component parts the NBC is the BSA all helps you to build that rapport and maintain that report.

I'm going to get you through this pretty quickly. So the aims show you how to use rapport and VCs use those to best effect certainly when you're interviewing a source to highlight some of the nonverbal cues that source may produce may give off you may see from them, but also some of the NPCs that you may produce the sauces see so not only praying Mind Not only is the source giving out information for the body language through the way they're looking at the user eyes, so are you. So you have to be very careful of that. So what we're going to cover is rapport body zones, room layout, and your nonverbal communications and also the sources. These are very relevant. Like I said, for building rapport, there's many, many different ways of building rapport.

This is just, this is just small component parts of it. Lots of it will come with experience, you may already have that experience. And certainly if you can do humans commercially, or for some sort of organization, you'll learn experience pretty quickly. So, rapport, and we're going to learn about NBC, S, EA, C axis cues, which is the next lesson, rapport building, which is obviously the whole point of this lesson, positioning, where do we position ourselves as far as the source goes so that we're, we're in the right position to elicit a list the best form of information possible, how we use personal space, how we mirror how we listen actively, and that is critical, active listening. For any one of us who've got children at that point where you try and tell them something, and they arise are often the distance they're playing with a pencil or they're playing with a phone, you know, they're not listening.

So you have to look as though you're actively listening to the source that helps you build rapport, and that encourages them to talk. So that's all linked with your posture. And all these various little tools can be combined during interview to encourage the subject to the source to talk and help build, maintain and grow that rapport. not working. If you're using a tool that doesn't work and tools, I mean their nonverbal cues, the eye accessing cues, if it's not working or you're doing something that you think should be working is not get rid of it, move on to the next thing to plan and prepare ahead. Now before may occur naturally, when you meet people, it may not you know, there's there's something chemical or they just don't look right.

You don't trust them, their eyes too close together, they're too tall or too short. They're not the right sex for you or whatever. Well, there's a million reasons why you wouldn't want to build rapport. And so it happens, it doesn't happen. But you as a handler, have to make it happen if you want to get the information from that person. So there's no real discretion.

You have to do it. So all these skills you have to bring to bat to get that person to like you. And it may be the very first time you've ever met them. Way of matching your energy and natural things such as breathing, your movement, your positioning, the way you stand, how close you stand, if you behind a barrier, such as a table, if you reduce that barrier, and so on and so forth and know the body language, or helps to build that rapport. So everything you do, right, and on the plus side, helps you build that rapport with a source who you may never have met before. So some stop points when you're chatting away.

These are all good start points social background, ethnic, tribal, same different, you know, sometimes doesn't really matter religious, again, same different doesn't generally make a difference in some people. Obviously, they weren't like Protestants because they're Catholic. They weren't like Catholics because they're Protestant, though, unlike both because they're Muslim. Whatever the mix, is, you have to overcome that as well. And it may be that you won't want to touch religion and politics is another thing you may want to touch on, especially if you want to build rapport. And I've had conversations with friends I have known for years never mentioned religion never been mentioned politics.

And yet again, other friends, it's different. So you've got to be able to judge and think on your feet a lot. Education can be the same can be different. You may have gone to school in England, Graham's gone England that what a coincidence and bearing in mind that not all of this has to be true. You're talking about a source, you're not talking about your future husband or wife. So you can modify the truth a little bit if you think it's going to help build rapport, but be very careful if you go down that line.

And because once you start to see embellishing, you have to remember those embellishments. So you have to plan and prepare. You have to record You have to do your background on the on the source as well. So that hopefully you'll know some of these details from their social media for instance, they went to school in England or they went to school in Nairobi and great I've been to Nairobi. Yeah, I love the place. And this is where I stayed and you start the conversation and that's sometimes all you need that in to break the barrier down between like and dislike.

Same as different age. Older people tend not to like to be interviewed by younger people. But that can be different. And it depends on the circumstances, same sex, different sex. Some people might like to talk to same sex, and it could be vice versa. shared interests, of course, trains, planes, automobiles, soccer, the whole spectrum of anything, if you know, or you can see from whenever they've got tattoos, key rings, they have an interest.

They like cats. I have two cats. Yeah. Then that's a plus bi. And that's the next step into building rapport. So he was use report to reduce our differences get people to like you, that is pretty much it you can, as a handler, if fuel source likes, you know, they'll pretty much do within reason.

What you want them to do is gather the information you want them to gather, or pass on the information you want. If they don't like you, then it's going to be the opposite, isn't it? and helps you to improve that relationship. So rapport is a constant, constant thing. You do it at the start. So you have rapport, you build that rapport, you maintain it, and each and every meeting, you'll build that rapport some more and helps you improve the relationship and maintain your relationship and encourage effective communications.

Now all those just like being married. I'm not saying you marry a source. I'm not In the relationship is just like being married. But it's that sort of level and flow and trust, you're trying to build with source, you're gonna improve that relationship constantly. You want to maintain that relationship and encouraging effective communication. And the communication is old thing.

You have to communicate to them to tell them what information you want them to communicate with you to tell them the information, you have to communicate again, thank them very much. And also ask them for more information. And if you don't have that effective communication, because you don't have rapport, the whole thing's not gonna work. So you can do it by matching a lot of things. posture, the way you stand where you set your mirror and match the way they sit. And we'll cover that in a couple seconds.

Justice can be the same you can use expensive justice if they do not use them if they don't. You can use gestures to encourage conversation. Neither Come on justice to say, tell me more, tell me more. This is really interesting. And at the same time while using those gestures, you're changing your posture, they're talking about something, you want them to continue talking, then use those gestures. You also want to be nodding your head and go.

This is very interesting and maintaining eye contact, you're leaning forward, you're doing all the things you would normally do when you're interested in someone, but you're speaking to a source, it's acting, and necessarily, so your posture, this is all you know, just change your posture. You change your postures, you can just use your gestures, you may change your language and speech patterns and styles. You may soften the tone you may hard letter and you may use your beliefs and values, to empathize with them. To again build on the report empathy being the ability to identify oneself mentally with and so understand the person for instance, You know, if someone has lost a child, God forbid, that doesn't happen, but then you may not be able to sympathize with them because you can't actually feel how awful they must feel. Unless it's happened to you, of course.

But you know, you would say to them something like, I just kind of understand how awful This must be for you. But please accept my sincere condolences. You're not trying to pretend that you've been through the same sort of scenarios they have. But you want them to understand that you feel really, really badly about about what's happened to them. rapport requires some natural chemistry. If it's not a Nair in relationship naturally, you have to generate it.

As a handler. You have to do a lot of things. And that's what comes comes down to the manipulation. So you manipulating your feelings that generate rapport between you and the source. And you have planned plan ahead. So you plan to use all the skills, you plan to use whatever background you have on the source.

If it's the first time or, you know, you may want to bring things up you've discussed previously. And it may be something simple like if you learn a like Liverpool Football Club, you maybe want to use that as a rapport building. You don't want to be a fan of the same club. You may want to be a fan of there. Biggest foe avatar or you made just want to be a soccer fan from a different team. So you can talk about soccer but from the same country, and you would say you plan ahead is how you're going to use that skill.

And maybe they hate suck, but you have to use part of that as maybe manipulation skills to generate some of that interest and to build a little bit more rapport. So for the first component, empathize, sympathize, you have to practice that. It's very, very difficult to do, but certainly don't sympathize with them. Because they'll start saying, How do you sympathize with me if it's never happened to you? And once you get to that stage, you're pretty much screwed. Demonstrate interest using your various skill sets.

So we're going to go and do a few more. But leaning forward, naughty hand making your eye contact using your justice and Yes, tell me more Tell me more, is all are all good components skills, but decided to natural differences. I've interviewed criminals and terrorists and pedophiles and obviously they're hateful people. But then they may have some really, really valuable information that you want them to pass on. You have to put aside your natural tendencies. to strangle them and get that information from them, you have to also put aside your prejudices.

And the bottom line is, if it's your job, or if that's your whole purpose for the meeting, you have to make it work. Buddy zones, this is important. I'm not sure why they're all laying on top of each other I think I'm assuming that picture must have switch somehow. The better squat important. Most people know this stuff naturally. They have a feeling for it or they have a you will have an I have sort of body comfort zones, and I'm going to go over a few of them now.

So the public zone, you're standing up in front of people, thousand people. You're pretty comfortable. If you're Barack Obama, and you're confident, you've got lots of experience, but you still may want some space between you and that generally over 12 foot roundabout that distance to the first person you're speaking to, when you're giving lectures and talks is pretty good. Because it gives you room to maneuver. It also makes you feel a little bit safer because no one's encroaching very closely. And it gives you the opportunity to be a little setback to do your act.

So something like a lecture or a speech for that sort of thing, social zone, look at this picture before we go any further, though look happier, unhappy. I'm going for unhappy. And we have a lot to learn. We're gonna touch on lots of different little skill sets. Here we have a lot of innate skills of looking at situations going oh, that's wrong. That's bad.

These two don't look good or good at all. Look at the faces. Let's start from the top and work your way down the faces, unhappy the scaling each other There's no eye contact, and they're smiling. And they're not even pretending. Going down, there's, there's a good distance between the two of them, if there were friendlier, there would be closer. Their handshake isn't, isn't very strong.

They look as though they're just barely touching hands, their hands, both their opposite hands are across the front of their private parts, which is a protective gesture. and protecting them from whatever they feel the threat is, which is each other probably. And they're there. They're aligned sort of away from each other not facing each other in any weather, even sort of their, their, their feet, sorry that their legs are open, sticking out at 12 o'clock from each other and then none of them are sort of angled in towards the other person to to indicate any friendliness so there's lots of very critical points in this and you would look at that and go Yeah, they're not happy. Just as you wouldn't pongo lets people love each other, those people hate each other those people just about fight. We have lots of innate skills.

So this is designed just to maybe trigger a few of them, and give you the opportunity to start watching people and how they react and respond in various scenarios. So the social exam between four and 12 foot, strangers, new colleagues, acquaintances, I say none of those for those two, but the sort of area where you're not sure about people, you want to keep a distance, and that distance is typically sort of arm's length and more, so far enough away that no one's gonna stab you without possibly you seeing so you want that safe distance. And a lot of this is subconscious. So it's not as if you carry a ruler around and go, Hey, step back a couple of inches, I need my social zone. And some people are a little bit more I know about and others, so you have to be a bit more careful and bear in mind, this is view This is how the source appreciates there's, you don't want to intrude in their zones.

No one's interested in your zone as the handler, we're talking about the source. And you can act or get stressed out doesn't matter as long as you hide it. You have to react to respond to the sources. Personal zone. This is where we're starting to get into the areas of if you step in the wrong direction, we've stepped in too much then you could damage rapport between eight and 18 inches and four foot that's quite large. So parties you want to keep a distance from people you don't know you don't trust.

You're in the area with friends but not family. So you started trusting but not that much. Here's a breakdown of some of the other ones personal space, intimate zone, Friend Zone, a social zone and that shows you around roughly where you want to be the personal space in the intimate zone is obviously someone you know and trust that they There's there's trust that either that or he or she has intruded into the intimate zone without permission and, and one or two of them is going to start feeling uncomfortable very quickly. So you see the difference in the friendzone and Sosa's on the social zone, obviously, somewhere, you're not going to have much of a conversation from that distance. But that's how some people feel comfortable. And then you have to get permissions to come in.

It's not as if you act as permission, permission to come on board and move into your friend zone. But you know, you have to test it, maybe come in a little bit closer, pass them a drink, or how do you want a sandwich if you're at a party and social social scenario. So you have to be accepted into that zone, which then becomes a friendzone. And as the handler, you've got to judge if your source isn't feeling comfortable because you're too close or too far away. If you're too far away that that's also damaging report. lovers, parents spouse, so people you generally trust, to your intimate zone is pretty much as close as you can get.

Obviously, there's maybe one more more Muslim into that. But that from a you would very, very rarely be in the intimate zone. There are times and it can be useful to build rapport, we'll cover in a couple of seconds, that you will be in the intimate zone of your source. And that's, that is a good way of building rapport. Maybe the first time you do it, they're not particularly comfortable with it. But they'll get used to it over time, as long as for instance, you can ask permission Do you mind if I set a bit closer so we can read this map and if you do it politely, then you're accepted, then you're accepted for life pretty much because you've built that trust.

If allowed you into that zone. So next time, you can just I'll just move a little bit closer so we can look at this map. You can grow it you can, you can expand on it. So don't invade people's intimate zones, you will lose report quickly. But there may be times when you can take advantage of it, but you know, be careful, personal zones, okay? But only when you're a good personal relationship.

And of course, these these come with lots of cultural caveats. Obviously, in some countries, their personal zone is a lot smaller. There's a lot more often, if you go to countries like India, people walk on the street a lot closer than they do in America. You can see that people aren't very comfortable in busy in busy streets in America, in India that a lot. You're used to have to be used to other ways of navigating away. And often while being rude.

It's not my intention, but in some cultures are used to clean Some personal zones. So beware of that and use that if necessary. And of course, some cultures more Northwestern Europeans are used to a bit more space around them may get more anxious The closer you get. And more immersed interviews happen in the social zones, it says that excuse me. So here's where you can get a little bit closer. Room layout, if you got face to face interviews, for numbering, good boss speaking to you across the table.

It's a sign of controlled tables a barrier. It's hard to see body language especially nowadays, when we have laptops in front of us as well. On the table, there's lots of distractions, you may be sitting on the higher seat than the other side of the table. So it could be a power thing. And it's not very comfortable and it's not it's not conducive for a source handler. Human type of meeting.

This is good. If you're at the bottom, for instance, right handed you can use your No book on the table, you can you can use your body language, you can see their body language, you can have a map on the table, there's a little bit of a barrier if they're feeling anxious. And this is a very, this is a very good this would be probably my favorite. Because you've got use of your notebooks and your maps on the whatever side you use. Obviously, if you're left handed up on the top, the top dot there, the top blue.so, you can you can use yours, you can use everything around you, but you've still got that you're opening up that face to face concept which helps build rapport considerably. You've got rid of that table in between you that barrier corporative is where you're really looking at a map or you're drawing a picture or whatever reason you've got close together and this is where potentially you could get right into their space.

If you're looking at a map you ask them to point out a bridge over a river. Got to get closer you can see it so it's just the first time I've been that close she asked permission Do you want to focus a little bit closer so I can see what we're doing? Sure coach can bring great and build on that. And that next time it happens, the next meeting, you say, are just getting a little bit closer. They're used to it, they're more comfortable, they're gonna relax. So it's a good way of building and maintaining that report.

And this is a good way. I wouldn't use this for interviews, I would use it if you were face to face. And then you had to close in to look at a map for instance, and then you may expand out again, and go back to being face to face like this. This is good. You can also use the table for your notebook. use one hand on the table, face to face, open body language, open and relaxed, hopefully and it gives you good view and a good good reporting was checked space between you in most sort of meetings, you don't want to be sort of kicking each other.

So from that perspective, you want a bit of space, but also you want bit of space because of the body's EMS. So in your space, avoid the form avoid in across the table, avoid being in the toilet seat and projecting the power thing. It reduces their will to talk. Generally, corner officials good. Use that cooperate cooperative is also good if using for maps and photos, ask them to draw pictures of something is also very useful and get in their space if you don't have a choice but get in this face if you have the opportunity like looking at the map. Nonverbal communications or nonverbal cues as I sometimes call it, and VCs body language but it's for this.

It's how do you look towards the subject towards the source and bearing in mind You're leaking information just as much as they are. And you have to be careful not to send the wrong message at all. It's all about movement, your body, your posture, and your gestures. A lot of it, because this is nonverbal, is obviously not related to what you're saying and how you're saying it. But it all backs that up. If you say one thing and your meaning and your body looks as though you mean something different, then that sends out mixed messages and your sources not gonna understand what the hell's going on.

And you may degrade the trust. When people become anxious, their NPCs will change that includes you, if you start to become anxious for a reason you're gonna change so you have to be able to control what your body is doing within certain achievable boundaries. Why would your source become anxious? Why if you're having a coffee in a cafe someone walks in, they're all boyfriend, they're all girlfriend, their boss, whoever, and they may not want to be seen talking to you. And for whatever reason, or even being seen in the cafe when they should be working, then they're going to get access their whole body language is going to change because what happens when you get anxious, your fight or flight mechanism kicks in your body starts pumping blood, so your heart starts pumping blood into the main organs. You have difficulty doing motor skills that you could do a couple of seconds before nice and easily.

You have really challenges in moving your body starts to sweat. So it's done. It's in places where previously it didn't that's going to attract the attention of scratching and unfeeling, uncomfortable, and then you've got the whole just the general overall feeling of being anxious. And maybe then they're not sure they're maybe anxious because it's it's a mix. Maybe the first time and you haven't made them feel comfortable, or they just naturally anxious during the meetings, whatever is triggering, it will cause a change in the body language. And you have to you have to establish what that change is.

Is it something they're talking about? They may move in, they may have been talking confidently about something, but now they're starting to lie about something is that's what's triggering off that, that change in posture. But at the very least, it could be a flag that you want to review it and you want to you want to just double check that what they were taught what what set them off wasn't actually a lie. It may have been something else. Typical tell cells, telltale signs, posture changes and barriers. So crossing their legs cross their arms or barriers, changing from sitting directly and looking towards you to moving over to one side.

So they've got the barriers of the legs, they cross Legs also cross her arms also. And they may start looking elsewhere as well and start breaking eye contact more often. So many, many barriers indicate holy crap. Something's just happened. It wasn't something I said was something they said something happened around us in the environment. So all those posture changes and barriers are critical telltale signs, grooming gestures, because they start to sweat.

They start to feel uncomfortable around the face, they'll be more hand to face gestures, they'll be scratching the armpits and other places where you start to sweat starting to feel a little bit uncomfortable, they may be all this is subconscious to them. They may have thought of something or the lying the manner they may not appreciate in themselves. There's been a significant change in their nonverbal communications. And, but you may be seeing it and bearing in mind these are the sort of signals that you can send out as well if your access so you have to be careful to monitor and manage those tensions. relieving activities, bits of fluff on their suits or their dress, playing with pencils, checking watches, picking phones up on things they weren't in before maybe indicate that they're they're a little bit anxious about something. So you need to break that you could actually ask them, you could say, hey, you seem a bit nervous, there's something wrong, something I can help you with.

Maybe they weren't aware of it, and they'll go to pretending to be relaxed or be relaxed or continuing to be anxious. But at least you've addressed or tried to address it or maybe not, but on the other hand, you may not want to address it may may just want to progress with the interview. Just put in your little mark in your notebook to say that, at this point, when we started discussing this, and he she got very anxious. So if you're open and relaxed, you posture you sit up right from alignment I you're facing the source, the source is facing you, you're relaxed and composed, you're feeling nice and confident, smooth changes. That's because your heart is not yet pumping blood just to the internal organs and forget about your fingers and your your lips. You start to get a little bit anxious.

Start to slouch a bit more, your body loses a little bit of control, the confidence, the confidence feeling that you have, you want to sit up a little bit forward, you want to listen and project interest. Now you're sitting back you sit in the way from the source or source and away from you. They're switching over to the side, one side or the other so that you're lacking frontal alignment. Stan become rigid and tense because they're, they're having difficulty now doing simple motor skills that they had. The skills that they had two seconds ago. And remember those movies where the woman runs from the murderer in the carpark tries to get the car keys into the car but just can't fit those keys into the lock.

Well, that actually happens because when the fight or flight the autonomic response system kicks in, it's very difficult to do those fine maneuvers that you could do a couple of seconds before. And that's because you're anxious about something the woman in the complex anxious about being murdered, which is understandable. And wherever reason sources start becoming suspect. And started making random changes for the very same for reasons. Your posture, force, you've got to project the handle, you have to project confidence, Don't slouch. Don't form those barriers.

Be animated. So animation means interest, interest, but also interesting. you're projecting interesting if you become a projecting interesting listening sound right? You're you're being interesting. By being animated because you're excited about what you're talking about. Again, it could all be act.

It doesn't matter as long as you're sending the right messages. Don't fidget, don't scratch. don't check. Definitely don't ever check your watch. No, excuse me, counter popped up. And show interest.

Yeah. Be careful not show interest in things like your watch. It's definitely not your watch. Because every time you do that, during the meeting, it'll be looks as though you're trying to rush the meeting. Relax, radiate confidence. Don't play with your pencils.

Don't play with your phones. Don't play with anything else. Project confidence and total interest in what you saw Scott to say. Contact very important. Make eye contact. Don't make too Don't make too little, too much means you want to rape or murder someone too little looks as though you're a criminal on Europe to something, or you're anxious about something and you come across as untrustworthy.

You've all seen it. And you have to be careful not to protect that. And you should be watching the source for eye contact. How much eye contact are they making? Why do you think and it could be this the whole interview process, the whole meeting is making them anxious, which is its natural. So you have to be careful not to over judge them and forget the right balance of what they usually do.

Last meeting, they were perfectly fine eye contact was normal. I have no problem but in this meeting, they've been much more shifty. They look anxious. It's a flag. It's an indication that something may not be right somewhere. Doesn't mean that they're they've turned criminal overnight or they're everything they said is lying.

Something just could be upsetting. The balance but use the meeting before when their eye contact was normal and you had no concerns about it, compared to the meeting now where they're playing shifty, or they're staring at yours and looks like they want to murder you. There's definitely healthy balance. They'll come from your experience your knowledge already. And again, it could be a cultural thing as well. Some people definitely like to sort of stare in certain cultures, they just stare stare more, they or they they're not concerned about staring as much as sort of Westerners are.

So that's always a balance as well. So in summary, definitely be aware of your nonverbal cues. Beware the sources deal with potential problems. By role playing it beforehand, practice out use your family as guinea pigs. This is a great way to build rapport with your family by practicing these skills and they're not just standalone skills. Remember, you should be using them all as a whole to build rapport and their effects.

It's once you start to do it, you'll find that source starts to mirror if you if you see the source mirroring, and matching your nonverbal communications out means you're their report is great. And that's very valuable. Definitely Be positive, be credible, show interest. I've rested that there's a lot there's a lot to learn in there. But mostly it's practice. Do it with your family, like I said, do it your friends, get used to building rapport, showing interest in areas where you need practice, like, just being interested in people telling stories, and then practice, practice, practice.

So that when you're actually speaking to sources and getting to the heart of your information requirement, you can use your skills to encourage that a whole lot more Well, thanks for listening. It's been a great pleasure speaking about I accessing cues which is pretty sexy. Everyone likes him so that on the next lesson Thank you. Bye bye