Now let's talk about how you can become more assertive in your life. So I would like to share with you here five powerful advice on how you can just state what you want in a nice way. So first, I would like to tell you that being assertive does not mean aggressive. The kind of assertiveness that I would like to share with you here is a friendly, assertiveness. And it's not an aggressive assertiveness. A few months ago, I was at my gym, and I had forgot to pay the membership.

So I was at the front desk, I was checking in. And then I had the club manager, he arrived. And he started yelling at me in an aggressive way. And he said, you have to pay the membership fee right now. Otherwise, I will restrict your access and you can't enter the club you have to pay right now. And he was being really aggressive.

And like oh my god, like this person is being assertive. But this person is also being really aggressive. And there are better ways to do that. What I want to show you is that the best way, the friendly way, the the nice way to become assertive, so I don't want you to associate assertiveness, assertiveness with being aggressive. I want to show you the way that will make people like you when you tell them what to do and when you share your needs and your desires. The first advice is that you should define what you want, and what you need.

In that case, the club manager what he wanted to do is that he wanted me to pay the fee. So it's important that you define what you want. If you want to become assertive, becoming assertive that you will share what you want to share your needs with the other person in the best way possible. So first, it's important that you define what you want. What do you want? Do you want the other person to do some work?

Do you want the person to pay something, what do you want? What is the action that you want the other person to do? Number two, you can use empathy and value the other person's needs. So what's taught using empathy means that you understand the other person's point of view, what you could do here, or what the club manager could have done, he could have say, hey, Alan, maybe there isn't a mistake here. I just saw that the fee was not paid. I understand that it's may have been a mistake are that you may have forgotten it.

But could you just pay it right now or tomorrow? He has valued by other persons need and he has used empathy in that case, because he, he said, oh, maybe it was a mistake, or maybe you had forgotten. Let's say that you asked someone to do some work. What you want is, you want someone to do some work. So you can say Hey, I just have a question. I would love if you could do this report of, if you if you could do this work by tomorrow, I understand that you have a lot to do right now.

And I understand that maybe you are tired of that. Maybe it's the end of the day. But I would really appreciate and I need this report by tomorrow. Could you do it? This year was in a really nice way. I just want to say I will say a word of caution.

It all depends on the style that you're managing. Here. It was said in a really friendly way. You can use that in a more direct way. You can say, hey, I need the reports by 6pm. I know it's the end of the day.

So use empathy. And I know that maybe you are tired, but I need this report by 7pm today, Can I count on you? It all depends on the style. If you really want to be super friendly, or if you really wants to become I would say more direct and really order things so you can apply them to your own situation. Number three, I would like you to become responsible for your actions. If you want to become our surgeon, I would like you to know that if you make a mistake, you made the mistake and you are the one that is responsible for that.

Don't say, Oh, yeah, it's the other person's fault. If it's your fault, say it's your fault. But also if it's someone else's fault, say it's someone else's fault. You have to remind sometimes people about their responsibilities. If I talk to someone, and I see that the work has not been has not been done, and they tell me all No, but it's not my fault. It's, it's lower.

So this marks 40. No, this was your job. This is your duty. Here's what I told you to do. The report is not there. It was your responsibility.

And then you can even say, I would like you in the future, to really do what I want and not to do what I want but do what we have agreed on. You can see here you can mix everything. To become more assertive, and you can also use the techniques that we have seen with on dealing with conflict, and you can adapt them with your assertiveness techniques that are here. Then number four. Don't be aggressive, be nice, be friendly, you are talking to people. They are not your slaves.

It means that you don't want to order them to do something and you don't respect them. And they just have to do what you want because you are paying them. Don't treat people like that. Otherwise, they will just do what you ask them to do. And then they will do shady things behind you back. Don't do that.

Respect people be friendly to people, because you can define what you want. You can use empathy, showing that you understand their needs, their desires and their point of view. You can maybe remind them of their actions. But you can do that in a friendly way. You can say thank you and please, you can become assertive that way. Don't Do like the club manager, he started yelling at me and just saying you have to pay right now, she he didn't use empathy.

He didn't. He didn't value my knees. He was just being aggressive. And don't be like that. That's not good. Number five.

I would like you to use your voice. Well, first, I would like you to talk through the person. Don't talk to the person. Imagine that the person is one meter behind, so that you can really project voice and talk a little bit, I would say loud. Now, the tone of voice that you use is really important. I don't want you to try for report.

I would like you to be between neutral and breaking report. Let me explain. We can be breaking report is how a policeman will talk to you. Hey, can I get your papers please? Where are you from? You can see here that the intonation at the end Have my sentences or my questions go down?

Hey, where are you from? Come here. I want the papers now. This is really aggressive. Okay, then you have the neutral ways is how I'm talking to you right now. The intonation at the end is flat.

And then you have the train for report. Hey, where are you from? What do you do? You can see it's more like harder. This more, you are really seeking reports you're trying report. You are really trying to police people.

If you are here, it's we it will be difficult for you to be assertive. Because people won't take you seriously. And people won't value what you say. What they encourage you to do is be here between neutral and slightly below neutral. It's like I'm talking to you right now. Now I could say something.

I really want you to do that because it's important to me. And I would like you to do that bla bla bla bla bla. Now neutral does not mean without emotions. You could have emotions. But then at the end of your sentence, the, the intonation is flat. It's not trying for report or breaking reports.

Okay, so I know it's a little bit more advanced here. So if you focus already on these four here, it's already good enough. Now, if you really want to be advanced, you should use that. And what you can do that you can record yourself, when you talk to people and see if you are here, here, here. Now, just be careful because you will talk in a different way to your friends, to family, to your co workers into your boss, you should really, I would say, practice with people that you want to become that that you want to become more assertive. It means that if you want to become assertive with your clients, for example, you can just invite a friend over and you say, hey, do you want my client now and I will imagine that you are my client and I will record you.

And then you record and you see where you are, and even your friend can give you advice on That so it can be really, really powerful. So that's how we can become more assertive. Remember, being assertive does not mean aggressive. You're just sharing your needs with the other person. Use empathy. You can value the other person, respect the other person say, Please say thank you.

Sometimes you have to remind them of their responsibilities. And that's it. It's not difficult to become a surgeon, you must just understand the rights mindset that you should have and how you can treat people