Hey everybody, welcome back. In this section, we're going to look at very targeted concepts for why people do the things they do. And this is a great one, virtually all action is goal oriented. What does that mean? Almost everything we do has a purpose. Very few things are random.

Remember, we were talking about motive. And we said, motivation comes from the root word motive, which means Why? So every action is going to have a y. So when people are doing something, ask yourself, what would be the ultimate goal? Or what goal is important to them? And then you'll be able to ascertain what they're going to do.

Don't say what would I do? The most common mistake is to say, why would I take this action? No, no. If you're trying to figure out why Professor Paul is doing something, the perfect question. Ask us, why would Professor Paul do something? What would his motivation be?

Okay? What would his goal be? If you know what the goal is? Then you know, every step along the way, if I say, hey, my goal is to get from here to the grocery store, you pretty much know how I'm gonna get there. You're like, well, it's too far away. So he's not going to walk.

He's obviously going to drive. This is the shortest route. I've driven them before he takes that route. So what is he going to do? It's going to hop in his car, he's going to go down a specific route, he's going to get to the store. I didn't need to know all the details.

I just need to know what his goal was. And I could tell you that everything that was going to happen, the other 99.9% that was going to happen between now and when he got that goal. Does that make sense? Very, very powerful. Always think about the goal orientation, and then you know the steps along the way. Now, we're going to look at one other concept here which is also Very important.

Everybody has an agenda. Write that down. Everybody has an agenda. Now, we said that virtually every action has a goal or purpose. Everybody has a over looming agenda. Say you're a parent, you know, you'll have multiple agendas.

But your over looming agenda is that you want your child to have a better life, then you'll have several large sub agendas. I want them to be a good person, kind, courteous, loving, consider it thoughtful. That's a major agenda. So I know every action you take towards that child will in some way, shape or form, be driven to get that agenda. Even if you end up doing it the wrong way. You say, Well, I'll teach you to have good manners by yelling at you every time you're not nice to somebody.

Well, you picked a really poor strategy. I appreciate Not the method, but I appreciate the agenda. Okay? You want your kid to be well mannered would have been nice if you went first. But I understand the agenda want to understand the agenda, even though there's this crazy behavior, why are you being so rude trying to teach your child how to be nice. When you understand the agenda, you understand why they're doing it.

So they're picking a poor route to their goal, or to their purpose. Now, because we have an agenda, we have a goal, we have something we want to have happen. We have a thought in our mind about how we want things to be that's what our agenda is. We are constantly trying to make certain things either happen or not happen. You know, if you want your child to be a good, kind, loving person, what has to happen? Well, you have to teach them all these lessons about morality.

Certain things need to happen, like you need to give them a lot of love and affection. You also need to keep away from the quote unquote bad kids You know, that's something that needs not to happen. You try to protect them from a lot of harm. But when it does happen, that's an opportunity to make something else happen, which is the recovery and repair that he does with the parent, which brings you closer. So you're always trying to make things happen or not happen. So once you understand somebody's agenda, ask yourself that sub question, what would they be trying to make happen?

Or not happen? When you figure out those two things, then you're just kind of fine tuning this whole thing in and you'll have an even greater sense of what they're trying to accomplish and how they're going to accomplish it. I love this one. Everybody lies. This is kind of a quote from that. TV show house.

I think I talked to you about this earlier, it was out for about seven or eight years, I cried. When I went off the air. It was all about him and his interns as medical intern, solving these medical mysteries that was kind of the backstory, but the whole of the real story. Story was each one of them had an agenda. They had an idea. They had a way of being in the world, they wanted a certain thing to what happen or not happen.

They had that agenda. They had the goal in the purpose. And then they were trying to figure out why other people were doing what they were doing. And the person that always lied was sometimes them. But it was almost always the patient. Remember, I said a patient will defend against you know, getting better.

They always say the problem is overpowering and they're weak. They actually support the problem. One of the ways they do that is they lie, oh, I'm not having this problem. They lie by omission. Or they state it's not that bad. Or they tell you it's really something else.

You know, for a myriad of reasons might be embarrassing, might be a lot of different things. But you got to remember that every conversation has a goal and a purpose. The best salespeople the best leaders the best beakers, they have a goal. They say what is the outcome I want at the end of this conversation. And they totally go for it. They say, hey, I want to raise, I want people to eat healthier, I want people to eat less.

I want to get my budget approved, whatever it is, once you know what the goal is, make sure every step you take is in that direction, and you will win. So remember to that the other person, whether they're being this purposeful in the conversation, is that every conversation has a purpose or a goal. Very rarely will people talk much to do about nothing. Sometimes they'll do that when they're gossiping, but even then, every little piece of that conversation has a purpose. You know, I want to say this about this person. So you would think less than them.

I wanted to say this about that, because then you would think I was smarter. I'm saying This about that because this is a little passive aggressive jab towards you. Or I'm saying this because this is an analogy I'm sneaking in, that is going on for your life. While I'm trying to very subtly tell you that I'm sad, and I want you to make me feel better. So every conversation will have a goal or a purpose. It's a sub goal.

It's almost like subtext. I said something, but there was a meaning underneath it. So, here's the other thing that you have to realize as you go through these conversations. We all lie, either consciously or unconsciously, so consciously is the easiest one to detect. The unconscious ones are the hardest to detect. As a therapist.

I was always looking for two things, how you were lying consciously, which means there was something you were trying to avoid on purpose. Then how you were lying unconsciously? Because that was the thing that was hidden from you that if it wasn't hidden from you, you could address it, and you could solve it. And it wasn't looking at you lying as if you were bad. No, we do this as a defense mechanism. Your problem is bad.

The patient's never bad, the person isn't bad. Even a lie, which we normally think of as a bad thing isn't necessarily bad. Why do we lie consciously? Well, it's usually a protective mechanism. It's usually a defense mechanism. We don't want to look bad.

We don't want to make somebody else feel bad. You know, my wife says, Do I look fat in these jeans? The correct answer, regardless of reality, is always No. So a lot of times we lie to help other people out. Like my wife used to say, you know, kind of a variation of Do I look fat in these jeans? You say, hey, do you like these?

This outfit and I go, Oh, yeah, that looks great. You should wear that one. I'd be so disappointed because she tried to moron and she'd wear the third one. But after a while, I learned she does things in threes. Especially when it comes to dressing. I mean, she will sneeze in threes.

So when she would come out later, when I was wiser, older, wiser I'd seen this pattern a few times recognize the pattern and said, okay, it's always going to be the third outfit. So she would come out with this first outfit, and I say, Oh, that's really cute. That looks nice on you, but I don't know if it's quite there. Burnett, you go. Cheese. I think you're right.

Okay. And she come out. She tried another one. And I'd say wow, that's now that's that. That's really nice. I'm thinking man, I got a gorgeous wife.

I'm betting there's one more dress, you know, this would be a good choice. Don't get me wrong, but I'm betting you there's one more dress out there somewhere in the universe. That would be a little bit better. Do you think that might be true? And she go well, you know what, let me take a look cuz I was thinking about this other one. And she would bring out the third one I would say burn it.

Stop. They're Oh my god, that is the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. You got to wear that dress. That's the one that's the pic of the day, sweetie. And she got Yeah, I think so to notice people's patterns, know that a everybody lies be they do it consciously and unconsciously. And as they're doing this within the conversation, you want to think about two things conscious and unconscious lies in what is the goal or the purpose?

Why did these words come out of this person's mouth? A lot of times you'll just think oh, they're just talking know everything, every word, every tone, every expression, every flick of the hand has a meaning or purpose. Usually conscious, very often unconscious as well. Watch for both. And you'll do great in what understanding why people are the way they are and why they do the things they do. I'll see you In the next section