Hey, welcome back. Now we've got kind of an odd concept here. We kind of glossed over this a little bit earlier, but people will do negative X for positive reasons. I think the example I gave you is like a gangbanger. They're trying to get a positive outcome. Now, you can do that in positive ways.

You can do that in negative ways. Their goal was to feel significant, to have friendship and belonging. Remember that from Maslow's need hierarchy to survive that was definitely on Maslow's need hierarchy. And to have financial security again, on Maslow's need hierarchy. So these aren't things that people want, it's things that they need that they have to have. So where they find a positive or negative way, there's simply a human animal, trying to adapt, using the best strategy that they feel will work the best at their disposal.

And remember, positive and negative acts are what those are moral distinctions. A human distinction, you know, in nature, they don't know about good and evil. The rain comes down and it waters the flower, the rain comes down and washes it away. It's a force of nature does know about good and evil. nature does not know about good and evil. It doesn't care if it helps you or hurt you.

It just is. So a lot of times, moral acts are like that. They just are people are doing their best. But in the end, the outcome that they want are things that are positive that we want for them. I want people to feel significant in their life. I want people to have comfort.

I want people to have safety, security, finances these types of things. I don't always appreciate the methods people use, okay, but I do appreciate the reasoning. So negative X for positive reasons. So he'll become a gangbanger Why? Because it gives them instant significance. makes them feel special.

You get to wear the jacket, you're part of the inside club. Now you've got protection. You see me getting my butt kicked down the guy to kick somebody else's butt. Always selling drugs. So I got financial security, okay. Always got money in the bank.

I don't have to worry about protection. Okay, I feel love that belong I got friends, okay. I have a path a way of life. I feel like this was my destiny. Boom done. We said earlier police officer does the exact same thing and protecting people and being a good guy.

I'm gonna have a pension, you know, people used to kick my butt. Now I got three different weapons on my hip. Okay. Everybody is trying to get towards a positive goal and they may use a positive or negative method to get there. Why do we do this? Remember, humans are designed to adjust and adapt, to reach goals and to get ahead, look at those three things.

We're always going to adjust and adapt. We're always going to get in and reach our goal and we're always Trying to do a little bit better. We're trying to move up through that need hierarchy, right? Everybody's trying to get ahead. So how do they do it? They pick a way to get ahead.

That brings us to a very interesting part. It's the title is section gambits. Gambit is just kind of a fancy word for games. It's games people play, to get their way. That's about all the rapid I can do. Games people play to get their way.

I remember I was working with a mom. And normally I go in the home and I work with a child and I work with the mom or the dad or both of them. You know, I work with the parents and I work with the children. So that's how we do family therapy. Well, the child absolutely, positively refused to have anything to do with therapy. Here's why.

She was screwing over the mother. The mother didn't know how to defeat her. Psychologically, she would play all these games, she had all these different gamuts and the mother was defenseless. Because she didn't even know it was going on for one thing, almost like why you took this course you didn't know the rules of life. So when you didn't know the rules, you couldn't win. The mother didn't know the game she was playing, so she couldn't win at the game.

So what we did was, if the child was around, they would usually play some kind of game. Like she was, you know, I would say, Hey, we're going to start a therapy session. We'd love to have you join us. She's like, screw you. I'm not doing that. So what I would do is I would walk over to my whiteboard, and I'd write down Hey, mom, she just played a couple of different gambits.

It was great. Did you catch it? Mom's like, now, she just looked really upset to me. What game would you play? There's no game there. She just, she's mad, and she wants to wait, you're gonna have it?

No, she played some games. She said screw you. So what she tried to do is she tried to use aggressiveness to get you and me to back down. That's a Gambit. So what do you do when somebody tries to get you to back down? And we just brainstorm Well, I could just let it fly.

But let her know that that doesn't work on me. Okay. Yeah, I realize you're angry, I realized that, you know, you're trying to use that anger to have influence over me. You know, I love to tell you I care. But I realized it's just a game that you're playing, and I don't want to play. So I'm just going to blow it off what else you got?

Next? Tell me you got better than this. So see what I'm doing. I'm teaching the mom how to get past the gambit. Then she did the takeaway. She said, Well, you know, screw you.

I'm out of here. She'll walk away. That only works if emotionally because it's an emotional Gambit if you're hurt by her walking away. That's Gambit. Number two. If you say Okay, see you later.

But I got to tell you when you come back, your room will be locked. You're sleeping on the couch tonight. If you're not going to do therapy, you're not going to make our lives better. I'm not going to make your life better. See how you can play the game right back, every Gambit, every move. Like this chess game that you're looking at, has what?

It has a counter move. It has a counter move. There's a way to not only defend, but attack back to block into counter to block and to counter like a sword fight. You parry and then you thrust you parry, which is blocking, French river blocking and then you thrust you attack. Okay, move counter move. So first, you need to know what the game is, then how to block that game, and then how to counter move.

So the child would try all kinds of different games. And eventually what she would do is because the mom was learning more of the games and starting to successfully block and counter some of these moves, she started hanging around the house pretty soon she wanted to listen in. And I'm like, you know, you can hear better if you come in here. You know, we'd love to have you join us? Oh, no, no, I'm just making a sandwich. Okay, you make a sandwich.

And then what I would do is I would say certain things to the mom to help her block the gambits and then do the counter move, you know, either child would act out, somehow we were there, and I would list down that Gambit. Or I would say, here's some classic ones that you've seen. Let me know if you've seen this one. Or tell me some of the things that she did this week. And then I would pull the gambit side of that. Now, the child is getting really nervous at this point, because the mom is becoming more effective.

She's learning how to counter these things. The child is starting to lose and the parent is starting to win. And this is just unprecedented. So she's trying to listen in and occasionally she'll try to do an attack, you know, and then run like hell like a coward. I was like a sniper technique. But it wasn't working.

So when the mom knew how to play the game, the moms start to win. So watch the games that people play. Like, a lot of times people will turn relationships into manipulation ships. A relationship is when my wife comes up, she gives me a hug and a kiss and say, Oh, it's so good to see you today. That's a nice relationship. I do the same back to her.

That's a relationship, why it's two people coming together for mutual benefit, mutual gain. It becomes a manipulation ship. When she says, Hey, can you rub my back? And I'm like, sweetie, let me just finish this project. And she's like, Can you do it now? And I'm like, just give me a couple of minutes.

Here's where the manipulation ship comes in. She says, Well, if you love me, see the gambit she's playing. She's using the if you love me guilt card, pack your bags, we're going on a guilt trip. It's the guilt manipulations, the guilt Gambit. So I could probably do an entire training maybe I will someday on just games people play in terms of gambits. But watch the games that people are playing.

The strategies that they're using are actually games. Think of them as block and counter move, block and counter move. Think of them not as negativity or they're yelling or they're doing this. They're doing a Gambit. It's a gig. It's okay.

You know, you don't play a football game and say, Well, to be fair and not to be mean to Team A team be better not tackle anybody, or better not try to run that ball up the field. Now they're allowed to, and you're allowed to block and you're allowed to count or Matter of fact, if you don't both play the game, it's not any damn fun. But as you learn the rules, and you are skillful in these games, the other person isn't you win all the time. I got a black belt in haka Lupo Kung Fu, I can take on about probably a dozen people at a time if I don't run out of wind. Okay, but why can I do that? Not because I'm bigger than them not because I'm stronger than them.

Not even because I'm smarter than them. I have skills in certain areas practiced over and over. I realized that a fight a battle is a game And if you are very skillful at blocking and attacking you've learned those two skills where most people are just trying to use brute force you will win every single time like a magician. I know that trick and I can fool you every single time. So whereas normally strength and physicality wise one on one, that's about it, that's that's my match two on one I lose every single time three on one, it's a massacre four on one. Why do we even need this fourth person, maybe just for a witness?

Okay, so I have to learn new tricks. So some of my tricks are positioning people, so they get in each other's way because you're like, oh, four people could pick pylon you get nailed. I make sure they can't pick pilots. That's job number one. I make sure wherever they throw a kicker punch. I'm not there.

That's trick number two. I use their own strength against them and all those classic things that you've seen. I use psychological manipulation. I use positioning I'm using like 12 different things at once. They're just thinking, I'm going to swing at him and hope I hit him. And if he swings at me, I'm going to try to duck, they've only got two skills, I'm going to swing in them.

And I'm going to try to duck. And I'm not real good at ducking, so I better throw more swings than him or try to knock them to the ground or some, their skill level is horrible. I literally have thousands of things that I can do that I practice thousands of times, they've only practice fighting every time they've been in a fight. Okay, I practice more in a week than they practice in their entire life. And there's 52 weeks in a year. You're gonna win.

If you get really good at the game, you know how the game is played, you practice it, you have your techniques, and you know what their techniques are going to be. When people would throw one technique I knew what the follow up technique was. So almost like a chess game. They could only think one move at a time I could take think 123 sometimes four moves at a time. That's why I would always with a higher level of skill. Jim Rohn always says you know, don't wish life would get better which To add more skill, martial arts notice the most skillful person not the strongest person, not the biggest person always, always wins.

That's it for this section on gamuts and I'll see you in the next section.