Hey, welcome back. This section is called how you, screw you. Interesting title if ever there was one, right? The dirty secret is psychology. A number one with a bullet is that we are the source and the solution to our problems. We create the problems and inherent and creating it, because we're the experts.

We also have the solution to our problems. Think of it this way. You see this girl here and she's eating too much chocolate. What's the solution? Don't eat so much. It's reality therapy.

If you smoke too much, what's the solution to that? Stop smoking. If you drink too much, stop drinking, feed too much. Stop eating. Eating too many arguments. Stop arguing with people.

Simple. We caused the problem, and we can stop the problem. We're the only one that can stop it. Matter of fact, I never really did quote unquote therapy with anybody. I did an educational process. I taught people how they were creating their problems.

And then together, we were able to come up with the obvious solutions. And through an educational process of them understanding how their mind works, they were able to make the changes on their own. And do it intelligently, not just mindlessly follow something that a therapist said, for some reason, they didn't know. So, education is basically self help. I would teach them how to set how to help themselves. It didn't take them, it didn't take me much longer.

To train, you had to do the therapy with yourself than it did to do it myself. You know, I could do the therapy with you like an hour, or I could train you how to do it yourself in like an hour and 15 minutes. So I would spend the hour and 15 minutes with somebody and teach them how to do it themselves, so that they could do it over and over and over again with understanding with the therapists that will actually listen to themselves. So I usually tell people, you know that the good news that there's good news and bad news in terms of therapy. The bad news is, you're the problem. The good news is, you're the problem.

Thank goodness, you're the problem. If it really was the government and your friends and your boss and society and everything else in your bad childhood, you'd be screwed. Because guess what, those things aren't going to get any better. And if they were to get any better, you have to go to them on bended knee and beg them to make it better. And guess what, they probably wouldn't care, they probably wouldn't help you. So the good news is, you cause the problem, you maintain the problem, and you can eliminate the problem.

So you're powerful, not power less. When we externalize things when we say we're not the source and we're not the solution to our problems. Then we're powerless If I didn't cause it, I can't solve it. If I don't have any solutions, and I can't solve anything, we used to use a unique technique. It was called sentence stem completion. It would show clients that basically even when they thought there was nothing they could do to solve their own problems.

They actually kind of knew the answer, even before I told them, I would simply propose a sentence and they would fill in the blank. So here's an example. They say, I don't know how I'm gonna fix this relationship with my wife and my brother, sister, whatever, husband, friend, co worker, I would say, okay, so you can't think of anything you can do. Now. I thought of like five things. And that's all I can think of.

I say, Okay, let's do a sentence stem completion. One thing I could do today to make the relationship better would be and fill in the blank. And they would actually be able to think about it for a minute and they'd be able to feel In the blank, then I give them the exact same one again, one thing I could do to make my relationship with so and so better would be to fill in the blank, and they would be able to do another one. See, the brain, when posed with a problem gets overwhelmed as know what to do when broken down into a sentence. And you just got to fill in the last piece. It's focused in the brain is awesome at doing two things, asking questions, answering questions.

So the sentence stem completion was almost always in the form of a question. Because your brain is an answering machine and you know, more than you know, you know, does that make sense? When you try to think of, you know, something like, how am I going to solve this problem? That's too big a question in your brain can't answer it because it would have to flesh it out in the hole. It'd be like if you say, How am I going to write a song about a girl who left me You will never write that song. If you say, what is one phrase that's catchy, about a girl who left me that you could come up with a string a bunch of those together, and you have a song.

Especially because three quarters of the song just repeats the verse, okay? You just need a couple congeners I think two, maybe three of them, and you got you a song. So come up with a catchy phrase, then the next catchy phrase and the next catchy phrase. That's how all songwriting is done. Very few people, you know, like, wake up from a dream and write it down. whole hog bow in one city.

So, remember that you're both the source and the solution to your problems, and you can solve them and try that technique of sentence stem completion. One thing I could do to be healthier is one thing I could do to make more money is one way I could have a better relationship would be to One way I could feel happier about my life is to all kinds of different things. You got to get creative, you got to match to your situation, have a lot of fun with it. Just remember, write that down sentence stem completion. Give yourself a couple of examples, write down a couple of examples, you know, stop, stop the video right here and do it. And you will be amazed at how many of your own problems you can solve.

Now, here's the other thing. Most problems are an illusion of the mind. See, people think they have these horrible problems. Remember, we talked about letting go of the past, the past is an illusion doesn't actually exist. Now. You have to create that illusion in the present to hurt yourself in the present because why it's gone.

You're like the magician where the thing already disappeared and you got to make it reappear. The trick is half over the hardest parts, making it disappear, making it reappears the easy part of the trick, right? So we can use our ability To remove illusions, this is why I love the Zen therapy because then therapy is what it's about disillusionment. So if a mental problem is an illusion of the mind, how do you get rid of it? You disillusion yourself, you remove the illusion. That's why reality therapy works.

You know, we say, well, how's that working for you? Or how many times would you like to try a failed experiment? You know, how about if you tried something else? How about if I tell you where the bear poops in the woods, and therefore you understand the exact nature of the problem? Let's make it fast, simple and easy. Let's remove all the drama.

And I can write this down your entire problem in under three bullet points. Okay, then with all those illusions, and stories and drama and layers removed, you can figure out how to solve the problem. So most problems are illusionary anxiety. What are you doing? You're worrying about something over and over and over again, and creating this illusion that you have This horrible problem. Mark Twain had a great quote.

He said, I've had many horrible experiences, some of which actually happened. What was he saying? He'd say, I worry about 100 things, and only one of them would happen. So he was pain. He was in pain 100 times. Why?

Because he was imagining all these things that could happen. And how many times out of 100 they actually happen. One didn't even have to imagine that one. No, because it would have been the same amount of pain, whether he imagined it or not, when it happened, it wasn't protective. So problems are an illusion of the mind. And people are under many, many illusions, because they believe a lot of falsehoods, we talked about this early on with it with the programming, and even misconceptions.

Somebody was trying to tell you this, and you heard that and it's a misconception but it gets locked in. Well, that's another Kind of illusion. I think the biggest illusion of all is that people believe in their problems. I choose to believe in people. You know, people coming up to me and say, Oh, I'm no good at bla bla bla bla bla, it's like, see, you believe in your problem. You believe in your anxiety, you believe in your depression, I believe in you.

I've never seen anybody that couldn't be through anxiety or depression, if they believed in themselves. So what I do is I start out by believing in them, they believe in me. And pretty soon they see that I'm right. And they will choose to believe in themselves as well. Especially if I'm doing really good therapy, where they're moving along and they're seeing progress before they never saw any progress. And I blame all the progress on who them the person that created it.

I can get people education, but I cannot create the change. You know, it's like working out in the gym. I can show you where the weight benches I can show you how to work the weights, but you got to work them yourself. Always give the person you're doing therapy with the the credit, because they really did it. You're like the the instructor like this magician here, he had an instructor and the instructor showed them how to do the trick. So the easiest thing is to show somebody had to do the trick.

It takes weeks and months of practice to get it down really good. But then they can always do it. How many times out of 100, pretty much 100 out of 100 just takes a little bit of practice. Now they believe they can do it. Why? Because they've already done it.

So you got to help people to believe in themselves. And then they can make the change. If you're having a hard time making a change, I can almost guarantee you that it's in some way, shape or form. You believe your problems are very powerful, and you believe you're very weak. You choose to believe in your problem and you're not believing in yourself. That brings me to the next thing and I'll kind of wrap this section up with this.

That people do a weird thing. They argue for their problems and their weaknesses. Oh, no, I can't do that. No, no, this thing always beats me. Now every time I try this, it doesn't work. You don't understand how bad my problems are, Mr. Paul.

No, you don't understand that your problems are actually pretty simple. You are powerful in your life, you're creating them. Getting rid of most problems is simply the stop technique. Stop thinking about it. And the rest just takes a little bit of education. And each time you beat your problem, you'll see yourself as stronger and stronger and you'll see the problem as weaker and weaker.

Most people are stuck in their problems, because they have that tremendous faith in the problem in very little faith in themselves. Therefore, they will do what they will argue for their problems. And they defend their weaknesses and believe in their weaknesses. Say I'm just not as strong as you Mr. Paul. You know, Arnold Schwarzenegger got strong. he'd sit down at a bench he lifted, he could lift.

Then there was this evil bastard out there, and he would come by. And every couple of days, he started throwing some more weight side and Arno would lift and lift. And finally he get comfortable with that weight and go Who? Thank goodness I got past that. And that same evil guy would come by and stick some more weights on. And then he lifts and he lifts and he gets stronger and finally got comfortable with that way.

And he's like, who finally no more pain. Good. Now I can do this easy. And that same evil guy would come by Arnold said, I'm still looking for that guy. When I get ahold of them and choke them out. You know?

Don't argue for your weaknesses. argue for your strengths. See, the nature of every problem is that it tries to pose as a tiger when it's really a paper tiger. You could crumble it up. Here's what your brain does. Every time you let a problem defeat you.

What does your brain say? It says the problem is strong and you're weak everyone time you beat the problem even a little bit. What does your brain say about that? What does your brain give meaning to? It says, oh, Paul is strong. And the problem is weak.

Oh, we thought we couldn't beat this. But if we made progress, and we keep making progress, we can't not beat this. All you got to do is keep going. And that is the correct answer. So your brain is always making meaning out of things. And this is why people start arguing for their problems and their weaknesses.

They had the problem, they let the problem kick their ass. The brain says, What does this mean? It means the problem strong and you're weak, then you got a little weaker. So next time, the problem kicked your ass even more, and then you got even weaker, and then it kicked your ass some more. And it got even weaker in the brain saying, yep, Paul is going down, down, down. This problem is getting bigger and stronger.

It's a bear. He'll never be able to beat this thing. And then when you go on therapy, and the counselor says, Oh, you can beat this. They're like, I know for a fact I can't beat this. I have A million times. Matter of fact, every day I'm getting my butt kicked worse.

You're telling me I can beat this is gonna be fast, simple and easy. Are you insane? Maybe you're the insane one, slide over. We're gonna switch places behind the desk here. But it's true. Always, always argue for your strengths and against your weaknesses.

Use the reverse formula, you'll have massive success. So when you're wondering why people get crushed under their way to their problems, why they have this kind of learned helplessness. That's why it happens. Okay, I'll see you in the next section.