Welcome to spirituality and mental health. We've been talking with Dr. Daniel bonus about moving from being a victim to Victor. In our last segment we talked about how it's just kind of our tendency to blame Dr. bias, how this kind of comes naturally we talked about two types of victims, true victims and false victims, no matter what kind of victim it is, we realize it can have some serious mental health implications. So we want to jump back and look at some of those symptoms. Again, someone just joining us might want to say, Well, wait, am I am I a victim? Or am I a Victor?

And they may or may need to know some of those symptoms of what a victim mentality really is. Yeah, and and this is really important for us to take a look at ourselves. And it's something that I I sometimes stop and look even at my own life and say, okay, am I doing this? Because if I am I need to make some changes because I don't want to fall into this mentality and feel disempowered and all that. So what are some of the symptoms well, constant Blaming. Hmm.

So that's a classic one. And then life is against me. Hmm. So constantly blaming. In other words, the antidote to that would be the AAA approach, agree, approve and accept of something someone has said about you don't just turn it around, maybe try and enter in. That's right.

Okay. Absolutely. And then another common symptom is seeing your problem as catastrophes In other words, blowing things out of proportion. It's not the end of the world if you're still alive. That's right. reliving past painful memories is another problem that people often rehash things that have happened to them over and over again, they go back to the scene of the crime and they just relive it.

Exactly. feeling powerless and unable to cope effectively with the problem. Hmm, yeah. So they get stuck that way. Exactly. They feel like okay, here's the problem, and I just can't do anything about it.

And then another symptom is enjoying sharing Your tragic stories with other people. Hmm. So you're This is kind of who you are, you're defined by the bad things instead of the things that we can move forward. Exactly, which is a big problem and, and that's one of the things we really try to discourage in counseling sessions, that we want to have empathy for people, we want to hear them out, but we want to be careful not to glorify the the bad things that have happened in their lives and, and allow that to define people. Mm hmm. Another symptom is refusing to analyze ourselves.

Okay? So it's like the Bible says, examine yourself to see whether or not you're doing the right things and, and victims don't want to do that. They want to constantly shift it to someone else. Exactly. It's really important for us to be willing to look at our own self and accept constructive criticism from other people and be willing to see where we need to grow and change. So how do we what are some of the reasons that we stay stuck and how can we how can we Get out?

Well, there, there's four main reasons that people are stuck in the victim mentality. One of those is fear of consequences, or some kind of punishment that might be given to us if we if we accept responsibility for the mistakes that we've made. Okay, so maybe you'll get taken to jail maybe this or that. And so you've got all these reasons to not actually own up. Exactly. And and and so we see that commonly with children but you know, really any of us we don't like to be called on the carpet because then it's like, oh, now there might be something that we have to pay to do.

The second one you have heroes attention, people get a secondary benefit you get because you walk in the room and you can tell just a terrible story and everyone just turns to you. Exactly. And when when people are in that victim mentality, that's actually one of the biggest secondary gains that they can get. It's like that that shock value that Wow, that's so terrible that that happened to you and and we all Like sympathy, we all like empathy. But we have to be very careful that we're not feeding into that so that we can we continue to stay stuck in that victim mentality. A third one you had here is fear of failure, which is what are you talking about there learned helplessness?

Well, this is a really important one with fear of failure and learned helplessness that can frequently come when when people have been a true victim. In other words, let's say they have been abused as children. Well, then there's this idea that, okay, even when I try, I'm just going to fail because I'm going to be knocked down again, I'm going to be shot down, whether it's emotionally or physically or whatever it might be. And, and so people become very disempowered over time. And so it's it becomes very easy to stay in that victim mentality, because why try? Mm hmm.

And then, the last one you had here is the laziness. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of people that frankly, they would rather blame external circumstances that they would rather say, you know, this, this is out of my control, and therefore, I can't do anything about it. And and and then that makes it okay for them not to do anything about it and stay in a passive state because it might be yours. Yeah, it's easier to allow other people to do stuff for you instead of you doing it yourself. Well, so yeah, well, now the solution, we want to spend some time on this. What can we do to get out of a victim mindset?

Maybe I'm listening today someone's listening to the saying, Man, you know, that's me. You got me directly. I don't want to admit it. But I'm here driving in the car. I'm at my house and I'm just saying Yeah, he's I diagnose that. So what's the solution to the pollution?

How do we get out of this? Well, I think that a healthy relationship with God Healthy Spirituality. is actually the key factor for overcoming the victim mentality and for Becoming Empowered. So you're not going to do it on your own you need, you need help from outside, you need a higher power, some kind of energy that you don't have right now. It's what you're saying. That's right.

And, and God really gives us the gift of response ability. In other words, our ability, nice to be able to respond differently to our circumstances, we can't control what happens to us. But what we can do is we can control our response using the Holy Spirit, or I should say, allowing the Holy Spirit to use us to overcome and become victorious. You know, when I read the book of Job recently, and it seemed like all of his friends were trying to talk him into a victim mindset. And he kept saying, No, no, no, no, no, no, even if he slays me, this is what I'm going to do. He was he was like smacking them back.

And he was saying No, I know. Even if I die. And so I see that throughout some of these Bible stories where, you know, the entire situation is trying to keep people in a victim mindset, but then they are able to rise above it. That's right. And that's what I love. One of the things I love about the Bible is over and over again, it shows people in very difficult circumstances, and also where they've come from very difficult circumstances.

And yet through their connection with God, they're able to overcome that. And it's interesting, even when you look at the reasons why people get stuck in the victim mentality, God and a healthy relationship with him, really allows us to completely overcome each of those different problems or reasons. Hmm, interesting. You know, we have in the outpatient, we encourage people to go through a course that's going through the first six stories in the book of Daniel, every single one of them is moving from what could be a victim thing you know, I was taking captive in this right and then moving out of it. Every single chapter, I highly recommend that because I've seen it helps so many people. Another thing we do here, in our outpatient and also with our counselors is CBT.

It's really helping someone in real time to not fall into these things. Really. Exactly, exactly. And and that's really what one of the things I love about CBT is that it really helps people to identify, okay, what is the truth? And how do I actually deal with this situation in a new way so that there's a better outcome? And and when you look at our relationship with God, when we have a healthy relationship with God, what is it that he provides for us?

Well, he provides us those intimacy needs so he gives us the attention we need, we don't need to get stuck in that victim mentality to get it or blaming or whatever it might be rehashing the the negative stories to get the attention. Oh, God wants to give us that attention. Yeah, so he's like our family. He's like our father. Like a brother, or sister, I like that text Matthew 1246 through 50, where it says, you know, who is your mother, your brother, your sister. It's those who do the will of God.

It's, it's godly people, and it's God Himself. And they give you that sense of intimacy is what you're saying. So you don't have to have high expectations about everybody else. You don't have to wear everything on your sleeve. Exactly. Exactly.

And and and another thing that God does is he removes our fear of punishment, because He really said, Okay, I'm gonna, I'm taking the punishment for you. Exactly. And so we don't need to get stuck in that fear of consequences and punishment, because he's already taken that on and we did so we can stop blaming at that point. And you know, one of the segments we did if you're listening, we we did one on shame, and it goes through Isaiah 53. That's the whole point of Isaiah 53 that he took all the punishment, and he actually took the blame for everything, all the way to death. So we don't have to do that anymore.

That's one of the big messages of the Christian gospel. Exactly. And so we can then take responsibility and say, hey, yeah, I did mess up. But Jesus took that to the cross. And because he took it for the cross to the cross, He already paid for it. I don't have to pay for it in in that way I can't pay for it in that way and it removes that fear and allows us to actually experience peace and joy.

Yeah, so gives us courage to believe we're gonna succeed also with with his power. That's right. And I love that about God is is that he doesn't want to just forgive us where we've messed up and he doesn't want to just say, you know, it's gonna be okay. And Pat, pat us on the on the back when we're in a difficult situation. But the very difficult situations that we face, whether it's something that we're truly a victim, like Joseph was, you know, in the Bible, when he was victimized and sold into slavery and all of that. God is able to take situations like that and bring amazing results if we trust him.

And if we connect with him and we say, God, I can't control the circumstances, but I'm trusting you see that bigger picture, and that you can give me the power to respond in healthy way. And the outcomes in your hand. It's amazing when people get into that mindset that really allows them to go from Victor, or victim to Victor. Hey, I think that's great. And maybe a text that could summarize all this as we were talking before we started and you mentioned Second Timothy, one, seven. And it's kind of like a paradigm I would encourage those listening to take it as kind of a game plan on how to move from victim to Victor.

It's a roadmap. He's not given us the spirit of fear. That would be a victim. mindset, I'm afraid. Just like you mentioned, fear of consequences, all that kind of stuff. failure, fear, fear of not getting attention.

Yeah, fear of not getting attention, fear, failure, fear of consequences, fear of work, fear, work laziness. So we move from that That category to the power of God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power. And I think the way that happens is by claiming the promises of God, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, making a list of the things that make you where you feel like a victim and then making a list of the promises that can rebut that, yes, kind of your own self, or God's kind of tailored plan for your own self CBT. So music from the victim category to God's power that frees you up now. Because those intimacy needs are taken care of to then love other people is not given spirit of fear, but of power and of love. So you're now able to focus on other people instead of what happened to you telling your story again and again, with secondary benefit all the stuff you said.

And then finally, you know, I like how the text ends. It's almost like prescription from the doctor. That's right. All right. It's not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and have a sound mind which is a beautiful mind. That's right.

Sound mind is beautiful. That's why that's why we do what we do. That's right. Actually, we don't really do what we do. He does what he does. And we just work with him.

In terms of the spiritual aspect. That's right. And like you said, there's tremendous power in those promises. And that is the remedy, because that is the truth. And when when we put God to the test, meaning when we say, God, I'm going to trust in your promises, I'm going to take them just as they read, and I'm going to practice I'm going to act on them, then we have the opportunity to see that He's faithful. And that gives us that sense that, hey, I'm connected with omnipotence, in other words, with the greatest power in the universe.

So whatever God wants me to accomplish, which is whatever I need, I can do. And that really leads us to having that sense of empowerment in the truest healthiest sense of the word. Well, we're gonna close up here, but I want to just thank you all for joining us. And I don't know where you are on the scale of victim or Victor, but probably you're listening to this because you feel a little victimized and maybe be good just to have a prayer for you as we close because I believe there's a real power in intercession as well. I believe God, Himself is praying for you today that he lives to make intercession. He wants people to move from being victims to victors.

And he wants you to you might have fallen, but he wants you to stand up. He wants you to walk, he wants you to run. And he wants you to carry someone else ultimately. So would you pray for us doctor bonuses, we close Yes. To your Father, we thank you so much that you love us so much, and that we have the opportunity to see your hand at work. And we're so thankful that even in the difficult circumstances of life, the difficulties, the problems, the the trauma that we all experienced at times, that you are there and then you promise to never leave us nor forsake us and that you not only You want to be there with us but you want to give us power to move through those situations so that we can come out victorious for you, and have that sound mind that you want to give us and a sound mind that will be able to share the good news of your love with one another.

We thank you and I just pray that each person listening would be blessed and encouraged and that they would trust in you deeper and deeper. And I thank you for hearing and granting this prayer in Jesus name, amen. Amen.