There comes a time in many relationships where you have to assess where you are at, and where they are at.

I want to very briefly address mental health. There is an assumption, based on guilt and shame, that if we are experiencing a diagnosable mental health condition, or our partners are, we have to put up with the behaviour that comes with that.

This is not true.

Any behaviour that includes abuse, including verbal, physical or any sort of coercion, is not to be excused because 'they are unwell'. As humans, we all have a choice.

• We can choose to get the right kind of help or medication.
• We can choose to be mean or nice.
• We can choose to be silent or to communicate, and we can choose to learn how to do better.

Never excuse your partner's toxic behaviour because of their own trauma. They do not have a right to traumatise you because of what they experienced.

Never excuse bad behaviour because of an addiction, like drugs or alcohol. That is on them, and if they choose that behaviour over being a good partner, you do not have to live with it.

No guilt, No shame.

Leaving a toxic relationship because someone decides not to step up and look after themselves can often have the consequence of that person actually reaching out for help. It sets you free, AND it sets them free.

You will find links for a couple of different things here, because each of these assessments may impact your decision.

Depression

Depression shows up differently for men than it does for women. What we often see in assessments and in movies is a version of depression that more represents women:

• Feelin is sad all the time.
• Lethargy.
• Can't do anything.
• Loss of appetite, or maybe binge eating.

But for men, it can also show up as:

• Anger
• Withdrawal
• Addiction

To find out more about male depression click this link. https://leannekanzler.com/depression/ I recommend that everyone has a look at this to gain more understanding of male depression. If you are a man then there is also a Male Type Depression Scale that I highly recommend you check out.

In Australia, the most commonly used assessment for depression is the DASS21. The Depression Anxiety and Stress Scale is a 21-question assessment. It is easy to do and commonly available. If you are curious look up DASS21 to find a free assessment.

Addictions

• There are many types of addictions, from the more obvious of alcohol and gambling to things like porn and shopping, or even to work and exercise. All of these addictions are indicators of escaping an unhappy situation or thought process.
• It is certainly worth considering if you or your partner has an addiction, and if you do it is definitely worth getting professional help as addictions are rarely easy to give up on your own.
• If your partner has an addiction that most likely is affecting them in an adverse way, and affecting the way you look at them. You need to ask yourself some tough questions, which will be in the worksheet.