Communication is the foundation of all strong relationships

• It may sound unfair in a way, for me to say that keeping relationships healthy and solid is going to be more in your interests, than the interests of those around you. In fact, those around you in some cases may feel let off the hook if their friends or close ties with you fade a little.
• You have had a sudden life alteration. If you have yet to understand the impacts of those major changes, you can understand how your friends and family are going to be even more in the dark. If you show fear and upset, those in a relationship with you are going to mirror that fear and upset. They have to come to terms with a change in the relationship they have with you too.
• It really is a sad fact that when someone becomes a full-time carer for a loved one who has serious needs, family members and friends can often slowly fade into the distance. There are very subtle changes in communication that can go unnoticed until the gap is too wide to bridge. Phone calls come less often. Invites to events come less often, and invites for coffee catch-ups come less often.
• There are many reasons for this and it has more to do with the people around you feeling inadequate, uninformed, confused about the diagnoses, and busy with their own lives. They remain the same people they always were. You though are the one who changes in often profound ways. You are not the same person they have always known.
• You need to help them to get to know the new you. You also need to have respect for the uncertainty they are going through. If you have had a relationship with them for a very long time, that relationship is about to change in ways neither you nor they, fully comprehend.

When you have a huge change in your life, The people close to you have a big change in theirs as well

• As a caregiver, your circumstances consume most of your thoughts and daily routine. Slowly with support, you will grow to accept your new life and plan for the future.
• You may, however, be unaware of how your new responsibilities affect those around you. How they feel. What do they truly understand about your new role? Do you know if they are waiting for you to ask for help?
• These questions are not something new caregivers will ask themselves too often. No one could blame you for becoming self-absorbed with your needs and concerns. For your own sake though, it is wise to step outside of your role and take into account the feelings of those around you. They have an easier path to travel and can check out their relationship with you if it becomes too negative or stressful. If the going gets tough, and they don’t feel appreciated for their support, respected for their concern, or trusted enough to hear your fears, they will get going themselves. Your support from family and friends will shrink just a little more. 

The greatest cause of the damage to relationships, and the one I was most guilty of myself, was the true belief that I could do it all myself. I was determined not to impose on others. I had a crazy belief that if I coped alone, without imposing on others, I would keep my friendships separate from my caring role. I really believed that in doing so, those relationships would remain the same as before I had become a Caregiver. I was wrong though. I was going to be a different person in fact my responsibilities had changed. There was no connection before Caregiving. There was only moving forward into a new future.

Unfortunately, many of us get stuck in the false belief that being anything less than totally competent could be construed as failure. Perhaps our internal feeling of failure will be inferred as the reason our loved one needs care. If I am a failure then perhaps their issue is my fault,  but if I'm strong and competent I cannot be to blame. This circular thinking tends to go on and on, especially late at night when you're trying to sleep.

If you begin your journey by following the path I did in this example, you won’t get off it until you hit a brick wall and get jolted into reality. Usually, that jolt comes through a tragedy or some serious ill health, and often not for many years.  It doesn't have to be that way. In fact, your caring role can be the foundation of a very positive future with strengthened relationships if you do a few simple things.

In this module you will – :

• Understand why a relationship can become strained.
• Strengthen relationships.
• Build new relationships.
• Develop a working relationship with your core support group.