For some meeting new people is as natural as the air they breathe. My mother is the type of person who can strike up a conversation with anyone and keep it going for hours, whether her new acquaintance is interested or not. However, many people who choose finance as a profession are natural introverts, and this puts them at a disadvantage when it comes to meeting new people. Financial executives learn how to overcome personal insecurities to come across as friendly and approachable in social situations. For financial professionals, this hardly feels fair because we are so full of good information. None of it can possibly be conveyed so quickly.
It isn't fair. But having a little awareness of how we can maximize those first few seconds of meeting someone can make all the difference and how we're we are perceived. In this lesson you'll learn how to make a positive first impression. Research has found that many of us form our opinions of summit within seconds of meeting them. Some psychologists have referred to this phenomenon as thin slicing, making quick judgments about people with minimal amounts, or thin slices of information. That doesn't give you very long to make a favorable first impression.
Once formed, these perceptions are hard to change. So in those first few moments of meeting someone, it's imperative that your executive presence shines through. According to Amy Cuddy, author of presence. When we meet a new person, we quickly need to answer two questions. Can I trust this person? Something she calls this warmth, dimension and to Can I respect this person, something she calls the competence dimension.
Cuddy had discovered that we inherently make this assessment of warmth and competence differently. Interestingly, it's worth that gets prioritized over competence. You might think this doesn't make sense. You are a highly competent, financial professional, and czar of Excel spreadsheets. What does work have to do with anything in business? However, it's the right side of our brains that gives us our intuitive hunches that well not perfect or right often enough, that it's very persuasive when it comes to forming our perception of someone.
But when asked independently of whether we collectively would prefer to be recognized by our warmth, or our competence, research would suggest that we tend to default to competence because we believe it will more directly benefit us during our careers. So the insight here is to recognize that the reality is really just the opposite. Your social intelligence will dictate how you should behave in a first meeting situation. Generally speaking, when you want to convey warmth over competence, the number one rule is shut up and listen. When you meet someone for the first time and begin by telling them all about yourself and your ideas. You are conveying competence, which is often interpreted by a new acquaintance as I know better than you, I'm smarter than you.
I should speak while you listen. It's kind of annoying, isn't it? That person may be smart, but not very likable. Instead, when you let someone else do most of the speaking, you are giving up control of the situation, which demonstrates respect and builds trust. Cuddy suggests that we instead stay present in these situations, and alert to opportunity to add to the conversation to demonstrate our competence only after we establish our warmth, through our ability to listen, Dale Carnegie's book, How to Win Friends and Influence People was published in 1936, but still has the same message. People are focused on themselves, the more you put your focus on them by asking questions and being genuinely interested in their answers, the more they're gonna like you.
We like this quote by the Governor General of Canada. We were given two years Two eyes and one mouth for a reason. Listen first, then speak and think about what you will say, is it kind? Is it necessary and is it helpful? Many of us fail to realize how integral meeting new people and networking are to developing our personal brand and executive presence. Each of these opportunities helps us initiate relationships.
Think of relationship building as a network of strategic alliances, a network that needs conscious thought and effort, not haphazard, random chance to establish and later maintain. So whether you're going to have an important networking event, where you know there will be key contacts to make, or starting a new project with important people involved for starting a new job. Each of these situations dictates that you should do a little homework in advance of the first meeting to give you an edge in making a positive first impression. We've all heard of googling people. That's the way to get a bio of someone in advance of a meeting, check out their LinkedIn profile. Try and learn a little bit about that person, as well as their professional lives.
These things are easy to do and elevate your stature and your confidence when you have the opportunity to meet them. If you have a close connection with someone who knows that person, well, you might contact them beforehand or better yet, ask them to make an introduction on your behalf. An Introduction might be via an email, or ideally in person during the event or meeting. So before we go to networking events, we need to set a goal. Who do you want to talk to? What are you going to try to achieve?
Are you setting a goal to collect five business cards to set up three networking coffee meetings, to have a lunch with someone? You want to know who's going to be there. So a lot of the times if it's a large event such as a trip for commerce dinner, for example, you are going to have people there from all the big accounting firms, law firms, insurance companies, you research these key people, as we mentioned, do a Google search, go on LinkedIn, find out a little bit about their career progression, maybe their interests, their personal life, look for a common goal, something that you can talk about, and then prepare some small talk, a great icebreaker to ask is what's the best thing that happened to you today? It's a little bit unusual, but it's gonna make people smile. It's very positive, it's a little bit different and usually has a bit of a personal element to it.
If you get over that hurdle, the last step is to begin establishing your BLT with the other person. In other words come across as believable, likable and trustworthy. But for many of us, myself included, just get out and meet new people. And that could be a major hurdle. If you are like You may need to find a way past that personal insecurity. Blair and I have adopted an idea that we learned from drew deadly.
He tells the story of rejection therapy started by a bunch of tech geeks looking to get dates. The game was to see who could get rejected the most in a single day. The loser would have to cook meals for the other for a week, they inadvertently stumbled upon an important discovery. We don't actually get rejected nearly as often as we fear that we might, which led to quite an active social life for these aspiring entrepreneurs. Don't leave making new relationships up to chance or someone else you need to take control of making new relationships. Recognize that your facial expressions will have a direct impact on the perception that is formed when you meet a new person.
When you smile. There are mirror neurons in our brains that makes smiling contagious. It's hard for one person to not smile when smile that by another Smiling is a submissive gesture that conveys a subconscious message that you're not threatening. It can also convey that you are pleased or happy that you agree with them, that you acknowledge someone's presence and you are open and happy to see them and hear what they have to say. However, note that for smiles are fake smiles are often ineffective in forming a favorable first impression. Others subconsciously recognize a genuine smile from one that is forced.
The next piece of body language that often forms early perceptions is the handshake, which is common in many cultures to initiate a meeting. There is a proper and an improper way to do the handshake. Here are a few handshake techniques to avoid according to bore the dead fish offering a limp, lifeless fingers. Much a man using the vise grip handshake to create your partner the lovers class covering you hands with yours and the dominator clasping their hand that twisting the palm up and down or pulling it towards you. This is otherwise known as the Trump handshake. Instead, to do a proper handshake, simply grab the other's palm so that both palms are parallel two to four subtle shakes, then release.
If there is someone nearby you right now you can give it a try. In fact, trial five handshakes and see what happens just for fun and exercise five of your workbook, I encourage you to consider what differentiates the standouts from the deadbeats in any networking event. Stand up strike up conversations with strangers. They know current events. They're active learners and listeners that keep conversations short. They're aware when the other person is losing interest.
They don't hug someone and keep them from meeting someone else that they're there to meet. They show interest. They have strong eye contact They share something different and interesting. And they follow up with a personal touch, whereas deadbeats do the know it alls. They talk about work when discussion is personal. They talk too much.
They drink too much. They talk about far too personal information, talks about themselves too much that gossip about other people. And they perhaps have too many strong opinions about off topic subjects such as politics, religion, or anything else that's really sensitive. So this lesson has been critically important for initiating relationships. You need to be proactive and fearless. Being proactive doesn't mean being manipulative.
It means acting with purpose and being genuinely happy and making a new acquaintance. In our next lesson, we will look at ideas for what to do once the introductions and the thin slicing are out of the way