Let me give you a real life example of this. And again, it sounds like when I say, you know, become model the calm Yeah, that's what we're doing with kids, right? We're modeling the behavior we want them to have, so that we can problem solve together. So example of a customer service rep dealing with a cranky customer. I had to rent a car one time, and I went down to the office to rent the car in town, and in front of me, was a guy who was parading. He was really mad, and he was grading clerks at the checkout for the car rental place.

And he was really loud and really mean and all the rest of us. Customers was kind of sitting back waiting for him to finish because he was really rude. And what the problem turned out to be was that his car was in the shop and it had been in the shop for a month. And he had to re up a rental car because the dealership still hadn't fixed this car. Right, so he was breeding the dealership for renewing the paperwork. Because he didn't even want to renew the paperwork.

The problem wasn't that they were renewing the paperwork, or that they were doing it wrong. The problem was, he didn't want a rental car at all. And the dealership kind of forced him into the situation. So he was cranky. He was parading the wrong people. Right, his real anger should have been directed at the dealership for not fixing his car, but they weren't present.

So he was letting it go on these clerks at the Auto rental place. Now the clerk didn't really respond to the guy. They just looked at him. They stay calm. They didn't argue with them. They didn't promise to help them.

They didn't promise to fix this problem. They just did the paperwork and said sign here. And you know, occasionally said yeah, I understand. It's frustrating, but this is the paperwork we need to do to to renew the car. And that's all they said. They said in a very competent Voice they didn't look flustered.

They didn't look angry. They didn't look anxious. They just look sympathetic. But calm, not like fawning over the guy but just calm. Okay, fine. I understand, here's the paperwork you need to sign, sign it be done with it.

Um, they let this guy rant and rave, even though it was clearly uncomfortable for the rest of us customers standing there. But they'd got the work done. They got them renewed, and they got him out the door and fix this problem, the part of the problem that they could fix right because half of this problem than all of the problem was not their doing or their ability to fix. The guy didn't want to rent a car, but he had to. So they were helping him with that part. And not getting into drawn into the drama of the the fact he needed a rental car in the first place.

It was a perfect response to what this guy was doing. Because he wasn't actually mad at the clerk. The clerk was helping him he was mad at the dealership. And they couldn't fix that. Right so the question common response and just fixing the problem and doing what they could do to fix the problem while not getting drawn into the drama, not arguing with this guy, not trying to explain to this guy anything, they were just, it wasn't what he was complaining about wasn't their problem. They were just gonna let them rant and do what they needed to do to help him the way they could help them.

That's the right response. Right? If they had gotten flustered, would that have helped this customer? No, not actually, if they had, would would getting flustered and getting mad and yelling at this guy and telling him that's not our problem. Help the clerks know they might have made him feel better in the moment, but it wouldn't have solved this guy's problem and then it would have just escalated and this guy would have been yelling even more. Would it have helped the other customers who are witnessing this interaction take place would have helped me standing back watch The customer service rep get flustered over a problem that wasn't their problem.

No, it wouldn't have I would have been freaked out that they would treat me the same way. All right. They're calm, neutral response in the face of this guy's anxiety was the perfect response. And I actually complimented them afterwards when this guy left I said, I can't believe you managed to do the work calmly in the face of this guy's negativity, and they said, Well, you know it. All we could do is rent him the car. All we can do is this part of it.

We're not in control of what he was mad about. Right? The rest of it wasn't really their problem. And that and the reason they were able to become as they understood, his anger wasn't actually about them. So they were able to be calm and professional. And I tell you, knowing that if I get frantic with them, if something happens and I freaked out over a rental car, then they're going to be as calm with me as they were With that guy means they've got a customer for life.

All right, they just shrug it off. That is how you deal with cranky customers. The last thing I want to caution you on is to remain calm. And this is a skill that has to be practice. being calm is not something you can fake, right? Humans are very adept at reading body language and facial expressions.

All right, we understand what you're thinking, even if you're not saying it, because we can read it in the body language. Right? Even if you don't say it out loud. Let me give you an example. And I know you've experienced this. You can't remain calm and emotionally neutral.

If you're thinking horrible things about a person you just can't. Alright, they are going to hear all your horrible nasty thoughts come out in your language in your body language, even if you're saying all the right things right And I know you've had this experience to where you're talking to someone, and you get the impression they hate you, even though they're saying all the right things, right? And that's because you can, you can see it in their body language. Right? So it's not enough to say the right things. You have to be emotionally calm for real.

And not be thinking those nasty things about nasty customers. So that you do actually do this, right? This is not something you can fake, you have to practice it. Because they will hear all your nastiness come out seriously, they will. This is why I recommend the compassion. Remember, earlier on I said humility and compassion to understand your own limitations and compassion for them, for whatever reasons, they're being cranky.

All right. And I did that so that instead of you being cranky, that this other person is cranky, you're going to feel sorry for them instead, and feel compassion for them instead, and your compassion is going to Help you respond in that calm way that's directed towards helping them instead of you just trying to get it done to get them out of your face. All right? What's going to happen is if you're truly thinking, Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, this person is experiencing this, but I can't really help them with that I can only help them with this. That's what's gonna get you through this in a way that helps. That truly helps the customer and that they're actually going to appreciate because if you're nasty to them underneath, you're helping.

They're going to remember the nastiness that you did it be grudgingly alright. And you want your customers to understand that you truly care about them. Even if you can't help them in the moment and that's calmness and you get that calmness through compassion. feeling sorry for them, ensures that your communication with them is not laced with the malice of negativity underneath. All right, that's not some compassion is not something you can You have to kind of step back and think about them compassionately. And you have to make a choice to think about them compassionately, so that you can be calm in the face of their crankiness.

Now, if you simply can't respect someone, because they're a horrible person, feel pity for them instead, because you are going to get people who aren't just cranky and freaked out, like this customer was the car rental place, you're going to get people who really are nasty all the time. understand if they're nasty all the time, it is so not about you. And the pity that comes with compassion really is going to give you the best response to them because it's going to inoculate you to a certain extent of the negativity coming at you. Because when you're feeling sorry for someone who's nasty, you're thinking about how sad it is that they're nasty. So instead of hearing Oh, you're a horrible person, which they might be telling you. You're hearing Oh my god, it's so sad that this person just is like this all the time.

I mean, And living like that all the time. Right? That compassion protects you from the negativity and allows you to respond in a truly genuine way that's genuinely helpful, despite their negativity, and it's not about rolling over and letting them walk all over you. It's about putting enough emotional distance between you and that negativity so that you can do your job professionally. Right? The compassion really does that for you.

There is a reason why every major religion and every philosophy throughout all of history has taught and preached compassion, it really does work. And it's not something you do for the nasty person. It's something you do for yourself so that you can control your response to it and be the professional person that you should be in your job. Right. One of the things you'll find when you do this, is that if you stop treating the person as if they're horrible person because they're negative to you, and you're even though you're helping them in under your head, you're thinking Right. And they they experience that emotion that you're projecting, even though you're not saying it.

As soon as you stop projecting that you might find that the way they behave with you changes dramatically. It's really stunning to watch this happen, right? Because you might not even be aware that your behavior is causing a reaction in someone else, until you change the way you behave and see how that changes them. Communication is a two way street. All right. If you hate someone, they're going to respond to that hate even though you don't express it or say it out loud.

And so when you stop hating them and feel bad for them as well, they're going to respond to that compassion and that might freak them out. It might make it worse for a bit but for a lot of people, it's going to calm them down because you're calm, compassionate, they will and you're saying I want to help you. Let me help you. They will eventually calm down eventually. Help you most people, not everyone, but most of them. And that's really is from the science that we know the best course of action to take, regardless of the situation.

And again, there's some caveats there. But you get the idea, the best way to ensure that your communication is as polite as possible and as respectful as you would ideally like it to be as the professional you are, is to feel compassion, even for the people who are on believably cranky. Thanks again, I'm Jennifer Hancock, and this is how to handle cranky customer problems using behavioral science. If you enjoyed the program, please give us some feedback. Leave us a note, fill out the feedback form. If you have any questions, ask them in the discussion forum.

And I hope to see you again online soon. And I did include some links to some material that I think might be helpful to you in your practice of this. Alright.