A message from the instructor

Sharon's Getting Triggered Story

There is a lot of information out there about how to deal with defensiveness and getting "emotionally triggered" or reacting to challenging situations in ineffective and possibly harmful ways, as opposed to responding in successful and harmonious or wise ways. Why take this course with me, Sharon Sanborn?

I do not usually get aggressive or excessively critical of people (at least from my perspective), however, I used to get impatient, loud, and quite intense in my words and tone of voice when I felt frustrated or afraid. I would get overwhelmed and react in ineffective ways if I thought I was being prevented from doing what I wanted to do, for example, when I believed people weren't listening to me. At these times, I could, and can to this day get emotionally triggered or defensive and focus all my attention on defending my motives, opinions, and interests in actions with all kinds of explanations and facts. There is nothing wrong with setting healthy boundaries, standing up for yourself, or restating your opinions, however, over time I began to see that reacting automatically without self-awareness, empathy, and thinking often doesn't help the situation.

Although getting emotionally triggered with intense feelings and extreme thoughts is an all-too-common human reaction to stress, criticism, and attacks (or what we think of as criticism or attacks), I have come to understand how we can identify, understand, and diffuse our emotional triggers and trigger thoughts. I began developing some practical exercises or processes, which I call "Tools", that have helped me and the people I work with. Over time, I began to notice a shift when I used the tools described in this course myself. They are personally explored and tested (tried and true). Slowly and steadily, one spark, one flash, one five-minute pause to reconsider, one 30-minute break to let my physical body and my emotions calm down so I can respond as I really want to in the present moment. I began to think more often about my impact versus my real intention.

Now it is normal for me to notice losing my cool getting defensive shutting down (pouting) or reacting passive-aggressively or critically. I can often hear my self-defeating irrational thoughts or self-talk now and can more easily identify thoughts that do not help me get what I want and do not serve me and my intentions in the situation and my intended impact on the people that are around me.  Now, it is also possible to realize that I have a choice about my thoughts, which affect my feelings and thus my actions. And, I have effective practical tools to turn to. You can do this, too.

I have learned so much from listening to and supporting others as a Psychotherapist/Counselor, Relationship Coach, Art Therapist, Hypnotherapist, and Teacher over the last 40 years. When you use these tried-and-true tools to explore and practice new ways of dealing with yourself, other people, and challenging situations, things will begin to change. Your relationships with people and with yourself will begin to feel different over time. If you stick with it, these tools and processes will become normal and everyday habits.

I sincerely hope you find this information and these tools to have a wonderful transformative effect on you. Thank you for exploring them, practicing them, and sharing them with others. I will be with you all the way through this course.

Feel free to email me with questions, comments, or ideas at SharonSanbornEWT@gmail.com or give me a call or text at 206-283-9767 in the USA. More information at https://emotionalwisdomtools.com/

Let's begin.

Cheers,

Sharon Sanborn MA, LMHC, ATR