Hello, it's Adam shore. Welcome back to my course on resilience. I introduced you to what resilience was in the last video. And in this video, we're going to look at how your relationships affect your ability to be resilient. Everything in your life revolves around relationships, not just your relationship with people, your relationship with food, your relationship with work, your relationship with play, your relationship with just about everything with travel with insight, with news, your your relationship with your pets, with your people in your life, with just about everything. But the most important relationship of all is your relationship with yourself.

This relationship influences everything in your life. It's a bit like a tree, your relationship with different parts. Like branches coming out fat tread. And right at the very root of it is your relationship with yourself. Everything stems from this relationship. So we're going to explore this today.

We're also going to explore your current relationships and how they're influencing your mood, your energy and your ability to be resilient. So I'm going to start this with an exercise. I want you to write down now, the five people that you spend the most time with at the moment, write them down. Take some time, get your list, think about them. This is purely on the amount of time that you spend with them now, and phone time includes on this so do the exercise write them down. Now that you've done that relationship, exercise, you've got your five people in front of you When you should do another exercise, I want you to write down those five people do them one at a time.

If they were to find me now, I'm going to put it on an energy level, no means you really wouldn't want them to find you right now you'd feel your energy go low. And 10 means if they found now, I'd be excited to talk to them, because I know that I always feel positive off the back of speaking to these people. So I want you to write every one of those people on a scale of nought to 10. So, you know, now energy, you know, 10s great, I'd love him to tell me right now, and I know I feel better as I got off the call. So do that exercise now write them all between northern 10. If you've done that exercise now, and you've got a rating, that tells me very clearly a great indication of where you are Resilience wise.

And if your score is 30 or less, then you've got a problem with the people that you're spending time with. So I'm going to plant that seed, I'm going to increase your awareness now of how you're choosing to spend your time with people. Now, if that rating is 40 or above, then the odds are, you're a pretty resilient person already, and you're already in a good zone with this stuff. So we're going to look at those relationships. I'm also going to give you a challenge as we walked down here. What do I do with my one on one clients, with relationships with resilience, who we keep in our life affects our energy.

And when we take people in our lives, even even the idea of these people, influences our ability to be energetic to be resilient and what I do with my clients, when I But one on one is do an exercise that I call a phone mot. Now, what an mot is for our non UK based viewers of this, it's it's a car health check. Well, this is the phone health check. And what I get people to do is to go through every single number on their phone and write the energy they would feel now without even talking to them, if they saw their name flash up on the screen. And if you've got any names on that screen that are five or less, I would encourage you to delete them. If you're brave enough, do the exercise.

Do that exercise now and see how you feel at the end of it. And here's some of the common things that I get to hear when I talk people through this. This aspect of there being some of the things I hear is I'm going to keep this name excite need to know cycled, this could be an ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend could be an ex boss, partner, somebody that really annoyed you can even be a family member that you never really want to speak to. Well, here's my advice to you, if you're struggling with this exercise, if somebody found your phone, you have the option of not answering it straightaway, and listening to the message straight away after it's left. And then if it's somebody you want to speak to, you've got the option of finding the back. There's no good reason for keeping people who put you in a low energy place.

And what this is going to do by deleting the people off that five or less, you're going to shut certain doors to certain low energy people in your life and you can start welcoming in others. It's going to create time it's going to create the space it's going to create an energy through your thought processes is going to start to change your relationship. Ship dynamics at that's what we're looking to do on this course. Because ultimately, your relationship with yourself, if people are not respecting you, they're dumping their problems on very common is one way traffic, you might be the person that they found out whenever in a bad space. And let's look at how this works from an energy point of view. Somebody comes to you in a low space and dumps all their problems on you.

You feel your energy drop, they feel their energy go up. And at the end of that conversation, I say thanks so much for listening to me. I feel great now. And you'll feel drained. That'd be part of you. That feels good because you knew you could help that person.

But how often are you doing that? Is it a reciprocal relationship? Because we all need friends to bounce off when we're in that low energy space. But if it's continuously or one way traffic, then these relationships are not serving you. So we can look at that you can examine your relationships. And I want you to take some time now, think which relationships in my life really aren't serving me at the moment, who are the people I feel the lowest energy with that I'm having the most contact with.

I'm looking at these who start to affect you. And here's the thing. If you're allowing people in your life that leaves you in that lower energy space, it's far more likely that your relationship with things like your weight, your health, your food, what you're eating, your ability to exercise, you're maybe not in zone if you're attracting these people in your life. So by respecting your time by respecting your space, and respecting your relationship with yourself, you can improve the things that your relationship with your food, with your weight with your body, with your well being with your habits. With the fun factor in your life, all of these relationships will start to improve. Once you start deleting people out of your life who aren't really serving your energy, right now, here's another exercise that you can do, that I once did.

Now, if you've ever had one of those days when you wake up, and your energy is so low, that you don't even want to get out of bed. Now, if you've had one of those, you've just you've got no motivation. You've actually you just don't even want to get out of bed. If somebody was there handing you further drink, you probably wouldn't move. If you've had one of those days. I'm going to give you a story just to influence where you're thinking and how I got myself out of that.

So a few years ago, it happened to me. Now that hasn't been said it hasn't happened since then it has, but I always use the same exercise to jumpstart my day and to kick me out with that. So So I started thinking as I, as I was lying there in bed, not really wanting to get up. I was thinking, who in my life has helped me the most? Who am I grateful for in my life at the moment? Who has who who's had a positive impact on me.

And what I started doing was, I was thinking of people. And there was one girl that I connected with on Facebook. I'd never met this girl, but I'd always read her post. She always made me laugh. There was always a humorous aspect to the things, the amount of times I looked at her updates, and I smiled to myself, I've laughed myself. I said, right, it's about time I wrote a message to this woman.

So I started filling it in and said, I just want to, I just want to say, how much you've positively influenced my life, how the smiles you've given me the days that I've woke up and your posts have put a smile on my face and So that was my first one, I started moving on and sending other people messages. And before I've got to my fifth person, she'd already responded. And she said, Adam, I just want to thank you so much. I've been having one of the worst weeks of my life. My son got stabbed. I've been at his bedside.

Somebody did it randomly. We don't know why punctured his lung. We didn't know if he was going to pull through it. It's been the time I've had clients coming to me saying, What are you doing? Come on, you promised to do X, Y and Zed and I haven't been able to do it because I've been with my son. And just to add insult to injury, I was meant to run a fire Walker the weekend and it started to rain.

So what are all of these things happening to get your email was a breath of fresh air, and it's made a massive difference in my life. So I'd given out something positive and then I've got something positive back and I started to feel my energy increasing. I suddenly started thinking, I don't want to get out of bed now. And things started changing things started shifting this energy of gratitude, this energy of appreciation for the people in your life that have done things for you, and they may not even know it. These might be people that you've never met before that you've seen on TV or the news. I mean, with social media today, the odds are you get on their Twitter account and start sending the messages, you can start interacting with people who've created positive energy in your life.

So take some time out. Now think of five people who this week have made a big difference in your life and just write to them, text them, or even pick up the phone and speak to them. But the missing link in today's society, we seem to be also social media thing. It's all messages and texts, pick up the phone to at least one person. It's like, I just want to thank you for being in my life. Because one thing is a guarantee for you.

Like this relatively short If you've worked in a critical care setting, you will see how quickly people can go from living to die. Quite honestly, the biggest regrets that people have is that the last interaction, the last conversation wasn't that positive. But they may have died without knowing how much you love them. The people in your life that you love the most you need to let know it. So there's an exercise, stop thinking about the people that you want to positively make an impact on the people who've positively made an impact on you, that you can work with that you can work with that dynamic, that relationship, you can send something to appreciate them if anything was to happen to you. Now, it's hate that happen, but the only guarantee that life gives us is that one day we'll all be dead.

Wouldn't it be good to leave a positive last memory or at least a positive memory for people to hang on too long after you're gone. This is a good exercise, take the time to do it. Now. If you've done the exercise, then you'll already start to be feeling your energy and your motivation and your resilience start to increase because we're focusing on the positive relationships and the positive things that happened in your life. And in the next video, we're going to really take a deeper look at your emotions and how they impact your resilience.