Message from a cranky old woman

One of the saddest parts of my involvement in the childbirth conversation for the past 50 years since the early 1970s has been the dividing of birth: natural versus medical; hospital versus home; Midwife versus Obstetrician and all the other divisions.

There is no division on birth.

• 100% of pregnant women will give birth one way or another.
• Each birthing woman is doing the activity of birthing her baby.
• Every woman remembers her baby's birth as a Birth Story.

There should always be a very high societal expectation that all expectant mothers and fathers/other self-learn birth and birth-coaching skills while pregnant and use those skills throughout their baby’s birth journey.

If a father/other cannot be at birth, he/she can help the pregnant woman prepare her body in the privacy of their own home and learn the birth skills that will help her cope and feel in control.

If you feel I’m tearing out my hair and shrieking out my frustration, you’re right. What has blocked a skills-based message since the 1970s?

It’s simple really.

Natural birth advocates and the medical profession have fought against each other for years and totally left out us, Birthing Women and us, Birth-coaching dads/others. 

Natural birth advocates will be totally outraged by the above statement. They feel they have 'empowered' women. No, they have tried to empower SOME women who want a natural birth, pain-free labor without medical interventions. Natural birth advocates have never advocated for 100% of pregnant women and 100% of births nor even fathers-to-be who they reduced from 'birth coach' to birth support.

We need to get back to basics

Birth advocates have said: "Women know what type of birth they want". That's accurate.  We all want a safe birth and a pleasant birth! But babies don’t come to plan or necessarily give us the birth we want. In fact, you can’t plan and control anything outside yourself. That's the truth about birth. Birth is often unlike what you want or plan. you can, however, control how you cope, behave, work through, deal with, handle, stay on top of and feel in control when you have birth skills.

You make the difference.

Fathers and mothers think about this

• Without skills, you’re just hoping for a positive birth experience. Giving birth is an activity. Birth is not something someone is giving you or doing to you. You are doing this activity.
• If you don’t become skilled, you will not tell your sons and daughters that when they fall pregnant it’s normal and natural to self-learn birth and birth-coaching skills then use those skills.
• If you don’t become skilled then I’ll have lived through another generation of unskilled families. And that pisses me off.

Your birth and birth-coaching skills are the foundation to your own empowerment no matter where your birth takes place, who is present, your circumstances or what happens to or around you