In this lesson, we will be looking at how people naturally want to have rapport with those around them. Because we all like to be part of the group. Most people want to feel safe, comfortable entities in their surroundings, and they usually act to achieve this often by adapting their own behavior. First, watch this video and pay particular attention to the words voice and body language will then examine how you can use that natural desire to feel safe to help guide your customers to solutions and good decisions. So I'm in a bit of a financial situation. I've got a loan from your bank, and I got it for this car.

I need for work and I've been paying it back and stuff but my cat just got hit by a car. And so now I'm kind of in this position where I have to choose between paying the loan back or paying for my cat operation. Kind of like. Yeah. See how that'd be really upsetting? Yeah.

Sort of cat. Is it a toy show? Oh, I love tortoise shells. Yes. Oh, that's so beautiful. girl.

Oh, boy. I go, oh, what's your name? Thomas. Very creative, though. Look, I've just been having a look at your line. And you've paid on time the whole time.

And in fact, we've got a little bit of credit there. So what we can do is we can take that credit and we'll make that into next month's payment. Can you do that? Yep, We sure can. Okay, so that means nothing to pay here. And you can focus on getting toward us or better.

Oh, that's perfect. Thank you so much. My pleasure. Awesome. Great. Thanks.

Thank you. Okay, excuse me. I just got off the phone from your so called Help Desk after over two hours ago. was not achieving anything. Yeah, now they've sent me in to come and see you. Yeah, well, I can see where you're annoyed two hours is way too long is way too long in it and nothing's been fixed.

So what's actually going on here? what the problem is, is that this computer will not recognize the Arial font, just the font itself. Yes. Okay. Everything is in that font, and I can't read half the websites and I need it for work. Well, let me take a look at it.

First of all, I can see why you're annoying, because that's the font that everyone uses. Also, two hours is way too long to wait. So I'm going to try and sort that out. Like I think what I'll do is as a quick fix that I think might help, because I was going through a similar thing with my computer a couple of weeks ago, right. But if that's not the case, we'll do is we'll take it to our tech team. And since I've been waiting on the phone for so long, yeah, too long, right?

Yeah, I'll see if I can bump you fall in the queue and get your working computer by today. Today. Yeah, that'd be right. That would be great. If I can have it by the end of the day, then I'm not too far behind. All right.

Give me one sec. Well, if it involves just going there, changing the font, that doesn't work, because I do that about 20 times on the phone. Okay, fair enough. All right. You know what, I'm just gonna take it straight out back because you've done the obvious fix. Yes.

And that's not working. Let me try and sort this out for you. Okay. All right. Cool. Thank you.

Did you notice body movements and gestures become similar voices start taking on similar volume tones speed and pitch. For example, one starts talking excitedly faster and higher, and the other picks up on it. One laughs in a particular way and the other starts doing the same verbal expression jargon starts becoming similar. This is absolutely universal. start watching people when they're in work or social situations. You might see two girls in a coffee shop, one picks up her coffee and takes a sip and so does the other, both leaning in towards the table in the same way.

Or you might see people in a meeting, the speaker leans forward as they talk. The other people lean in as well. Then the leader sits back and so does everybody else. What causes this type of behavior rod? It is unconscious primal behavior that's hardwired into our brains via evolution. We need to feel safe in our environment.

And the best way is first to join with others we say is similar to ourselves. There's a whole area of the brain constantly scanning others to see how they feel and think this is the mirror neurons area. See a person acting in a particular way. We think they are feeling as we would, if we acted that way. We feel together with them. We even feel what we think they may be feeling we join with them.

Sometimes the body language is different to our experience and expectation. It seems to show the person who's feeling differently. This may raise concerns. It could simply be that they're from a different culture, or have a physical impediment. We may easily have misread the signals. Check your first impressions.

So we're using our words voice and body language to Signal how we see the world and how others see us. And then we're using it to change so we can be more like the group and joining together or feeling the same way means lower threat, which is safety. And you said, That's unconscious. Does this mean we could use this knowledge consciously to improve communication? Yes, there's a simple process you can use called pacing and leading. When people either know each other well or they're trying to be comfortable, they unconsciously start trying to keep pace with each other's body language, voice or words.

This is called pacing. It makes them feel similar and you tend to trust people who are like yourself, you feel comfortable with your own kind. When a sense of trust exists, then the ideal environment for communication exists. When you realize how much you do this unconsciously, and see how powerful it is. You can start using it effectively To build relationships with your customers, you'll also become better at interpreting others. For example, if you're in sales in an upmarket department store, how would you respond to a very proper woman with a sophisticated look?

In a produce store? How would you respond to a builder and overalls, your words voice and body language would be different in those two situations. Now, this is not to say that you'd be less respectful or concerned to give your customer excellent customer service. Rather that the customer interaction might look a bit different. So both customers received more appropriate service. Once Trust has been established, through pacing, you can start leading the conversation.

This means you can take control of the emotions mood and direction of the communication and your customer will very likely follow you. And that's very useful if you're handling customers who might be angry or distressed when you're face to face with an angry Customer pacing would involve taking on a similar stance, not angry but strong. And using a similar voice, volume, pitch, speed and tone in a strong, firm way, not in an angry way, and a similar vocabulary and jargon. Once Trust has been established, usually you'll know that from icontact with your customer, you can start taking the lead and slowly reduce the volume, soften your stance, add some warmth to your voice and reduce the severity of what you're saying. The other person will then more than likely keep pace with you unconsciously and calm down. The pacing and leading technique is also very effective if you're dealing with a customer who's distressed or sad or upset.

In that case, you can use the pacing by being gentle and reflective and soft with them and then gradually become a little bit more upbeat and Start using language that's a bit more positive. And you'll find that they'll come with you and might feel just a little bit more cheerful and see things in a more positive light rod. This isn't easy to do when someone's angry or distressed. How do you stop yourself reacting? What you need to do is see yourself stepping back in your mind to read the body language and voice to see how you can make changes in this. The brain then separates a little from the emotion, allowing you to choose a better response.

You escape your automatic emotional response and replace it with a more considered one. This is mindfulness in action. I'm betting this takes some practice, yes, but most will find it surprisingly easy once they start. The key is to try it a few times before you deal with the emotional exchanges. Try with colleagues, family and friends. People have been doing this unconsciously all their lives.

The skills are just below the surface. It's about controlling the impressions we make on each other. So I'm in a bit of a financial situation, I've got a loan from your bank, and I got it for this car. I need for work. And I've been paying it back and stuff, but my cat just got hit by a car. And so now I'm kind of in this position where I have to choose between paying the loan back or paying for my cat operation.

Kinda like yeah, I can see. That'd be really upsetting. Yeah, sort of cat. Is it a toy show? Oh, I love tortoise shells. Yes.

Oh, that's so beautiful. Girl, a boy, a girl. Oh, what's her name? Thomas. Very creative name for Tori. Look, I've just been having a look at your loan.

And if paid on time, the whole time. And in fact, we've got a little bit of credit there. So what we can do is we can take that credit and we'll make that into next month's payment. Can you do that? Yep, We sure can. Okay, so that means nothing to pay here.

And you can focus on getting toward us or better. Oh, that's perfect. Thank you so much. My pleasure. Awesome. Great.

Thanks. Thank you. Look, excuse me. I just got off the phone from your so called Help Desk after over two hours ago. It was not achieving anything. Yeah.

Now they've sent me in to come and see you. Yeah, well, I can see where you're annoyed. Two hours is way too long is way too long. And nothing's been fixed. So what's actually going on here? what the problem is, is that this computer will not recognize the Arial font does the font itself?

Yes. Okay. Everything is in that font. And I can't read half the websites that I need it for work. Let me take a look at it. First of all, I can see why you're annoying, because that's the font that everyone uses.

Also, two hours is way too long to wait. So I'm going to try and sort that out. Like I think what I'll do is as a quick fix that I think might help because I was going through a similar thing with my computer a couple of weeks ago, right. But if that's not the case, what I'll do is I'll take it to our tech team, and since I've been waiting on the phone for so long, yeah, too long, right? Yeah, I'll see if I can bump you forward in the queue and get you a working computer by today today. Yeah, that'd be right.

Well, That would be great. If I can have it by the end of the day, then I'm not too far behind. All right, give me one sec. Well, if it involves just going out there changing the font, that doesn't work, because I did that 20 times on the phone. Okay, fair enough. All right.

You know what, I'm just gonna take it straight out back because you've done the obvious fix. Yes. And I stopped working. Yes. Let me try and sort this out for you. Okay, cool.

Thank you. You know, it takes only 15 seconds for people to form a first impression. So how can you improve your chances of that impression being positive, use pacing, try to match your customer as they arrive, but not slavish. Lee. This has to be quite subtle, a suggestion of the same body positioning, not obvious matching. This can be particularly useful in sales situations where you want the buyer to feel that you're like them.

Buying signals will be strong when you see that they're matching your moves. try this at home and with your friends, as well as at work. You'll see get the hang of it. Please take a few minutes to review the notes in the workbook and complete the exercises. If you review the notes in a day or two, your retention of the material will increase considerably. Thanks