Think about that guy in your office. You know, the guy that's always talking about the amazing trips that he has had the cool people that he knows the skills that he has acquired, the special experiences that he has lived, and so on and so forth. Right? How much do you like this guy? How much do the other people in your office like this guy? How much connected to him do you feel?

Or how much eager to tell him about your life and your experiences and your products and your challenges? Are you? Maybe not so much and even if you decided to share with him some of the experiences Or travels or skills that you have. Maybe what he immediately does is to say something like, Oh, yeah, of course, it reminds me of this trip that I had also, and it was a fantastic trip. Let me tell you about it. I'm sure you know a couple of people like this in your life, in your office, in your school in your house.

And anywhere you go, we'll find people like that. I think about your boss, maybe not your boss, but the boss that loves his authority, and he pushes his authority down the throat of his employees. Right. He wants to make it known that the guy with the authority in the room is him. So he communicates from that perspective, right. And employees need to listen to him.

Most of the times they need to do whatever This boss is saying, because he does have the authority, right? He has the power to fire you if you are not doing things according to his perception. But what happens when the boss leaves and the employees stay or go to a bar to have a deep beer after work? What did they say about the boss? I don't think they're talking about how great the authority and the power of this individual is right? I think you kind of know what kind of comments employees make about their bosses, when their bosses behave like that.

Now, think about this. How much do you think people like bosses like this or work colleagues like this? How much do people admire these kind of people? How much do people feel touched on? Influenced or motivated by these sorts of people? I would dare to say that the answer would be not too much, right?

So, authority doesn't necessarily give you influence or persuasion or motivational skills. We need to develop all other aspects of our personality and our communication. If we want to reach deep inside other people and make them like us, make them admire and respecters and make them have a feeling of influence, and a feeling of being touched by what we're saying. So this is step number eight, influence and persuasion. Let's get started. I have some calls.

News for you. This can be hard news to digest, process, understand and internalize. But I really believe that the faster that you accept this reality, the better, the more comfortable and the more enjoyable, your interactions with. Everyone else will. So, do you want to know this truth? The truth is that nobody cares more about you than what they care about themselves.

Right? Let's say that again, nobody cares more about you than what they care about themselves. Every time you're talking to a person, who do you think they're thinking about? How do you think they're connecting your experiences, your ideas, your suggestions, your skills, to internalize it. They're always contrasting, connecting, thinking and relating everything you say to their reality, their likes, their dislikes, their problems, their frustrations, their passions, their fears, their aspirations, their dreams, and their fantasies. Now, this is great news.

You know why? Because, first of all, who wants all the attention for themselves? Can you imagine how boring it would be if every person you met was interested mainly in you and what you do and who you are. You would always talk about the same old boring things. Plus, your ego would get so inflated, that it would be difficult to connect with anyone else. I remember something the Dalai Lama I used to say, I don't remember exactly how it goes.

But he said something like, when you speak, you're only repeating what you already know. When you listen, you might actually learn something new. This is the secret to deep, influential and persuasive communication. Listen, first, that's our goal. I have made this a philosophy of life. This has really transformed the way I connect with other people.

The way I learn the way I feel about myself, and I feel about my reality, and my world. And to apply this can be so simple. If you simply learn the three steps to connect, convince and conquer anyone. Are you ready to learn this? Let's get started. All right, take a look at step number one.

Every time you start any interaction with any human beings, enter this interaction with high value, high mood and high expectations. Now, what do I mean by high value, high mood and high expectations? high value is being aware of your own value. Right? You have a lot of things to offer. You're a unique, special, talented individual that people enjoy meeting.

You have many things to offer, many things to teach, and many things to help other people. Now the trick here is that you should become comfortable pletely aware about your value. Once you know your value, once you know what you know, you can enter interactions knowing who you are knowing what you have to offer. And this changes your psychology this changes how you feel. You entered interaction feeling leveled and not inferior. Good.

So high body Chi mood always entered the interaction with a smile. Oh, maybe in some special occasions a smile would not be relevant or would not be adequate. But high mood means having a good sense of energy, excitement to be there. It's like an adventure you're going to meet, communicate, connect with another person. You're going to reach results, new things are gonna happen. So you should feel that Have this excitement growing inside of you when you're starting an interaction with another person.

So high value and high mood. Finally, high expectations. Magic things can happen from one day to another. Great, unexpected things could happen to you at any moment. So expect them. When you focus your mind on getting great things, when you focus your mind on obtaining the maximum benefit and giving the maximum benefit to the person in front of you.

You have high expectations you want and you desire that this conversation will bring beautiful fruits to yourself and to the other person. And guess what? This is manifested when you're communicating through your body language and your tone of voice Okay, now you're ready for step two. Step two is enter their reality. Say to herself, this is very important. enter their reality.

What I mean is that when you start talking to any person, shut up about yourself. I don't want to be mean here or aggressive or anything. But listen first, get to know the other person. You have tension to what their dreams, their interests, their hobbies, their problems or challenges. their perception about themselves is you'll be able to feel this really quickly. Thanks to their body language, the intonation they're using, the specific words are using and the tone of their conversation the topics they choose to bring up.

So you The second step, you are putting yourself out of the picture, and you're completely focused on entering their world. So make them talk. Pay deep attention to what they're saying. And here's a trick. Get excited, honestly and authentically excited about what they're telling you. You can always find things to learn or to admire about the other person will work in this a little bit later.

But attention to how some people never like anything from other people. They're always focused on criticizing other people. What if we change it? focus on learning or admiring one thing or the other person and that will give you an infinite amount of questions and conversation topics to keep the conversation going. Now they find now part of this second step of entering their reality is to make them feel understood. So it's important to understand them, but also make them feel understood.

And how do you do this? When they're when they finish speaking or when they transmit a concept, an idea or a problem or a project or whatever they have. Close this by making sure they understand that you are understanding them, say something like, Okay, so what you're saying is that you love working in your company and you really want to obtain a managerial position, but it's difficult because your boss is really rigid and really close minded and authoritarian, right, which makes it difficult for you to grow in your company. Am I understanding you correctly. However, you want to make this work It's a priority. Make the other person feel understood by you before you start mentioning anything about yourself and your reality.

Now, step number three Are you ready? Because this is where all the empathy and connection and influence and motivation really happens. Connect their reality to yours in a positive way. This means that when it's time to talk about you, your story, your experiences, your skills and qualifications, your problems, your vulnerabilities and weaknesses, etc. always talk to them from their point of view, from their perspective and always connect your stuff, your thing, your story, your story. To some benefits that they could be getting just by listening to you, or having an interaction with you, or meeting with you or accepting the business with you, or making closing this negotiation with your your company.

Right. So, if they are telling you how they love marketing, and how in their company, they feel a sense of growth and fulfillment, because they're learning a lot about marketing and they are applying their lessons and their learnings into their actual job. Well, after you make them feel that you understand them, that you like, what they do that you admire it, and you think it's special and talented. Now, it's when you can say, you know what, yeah, and a few months ago, I for the first time, I knew nothing about marketing. So for the first time, I took a marketing course with this expert and he gave me some amazing ideas. I got top three ideas at this one, the first idea, I think could really help your business or this problem that you were telling me about.

I think you could solve this at least in a, in a partly way. If you apply this, what do you think? So you're never imposing. You're never bragging or showing off how special important or skilled you are. You're basically saying, Hey, you know what, you're intelligent, you're skilled. I can if I'm intelligent and skilled too, and I have this tool that I think it could help you.

That's a way to talk about your reality, and really get people interested in what you have to say. If you learn to apply these three steps, as a regular part of your normal communication, honestly everything interaction with every human being you have ever met and will meet will change. Interactions will become comfortable, enjoyable, smooth and honest. People will feel connected with you, they will trust you. They'll see how honest and useful you can be to their lives. And guess what?

You will feel exactly the same thing about the other person, no matter who they are. Okay, I hope you're getting this because this is honestly one of the most powerful tools that I can share with you to improve your communication in English, but in general, as a whole. So let's see how you can put this into practice. Okay, so first of all, think of a person or a group of people that you need to communicate with and you need to influence, persuade or motivate in some way It can be professional, like your boss, your co workers, your employees, your clients, whatever. Or it can be personal, a wife or husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, brother, sister, parent child. And sit down with a piece of paper.

And let's work with step number one. Remember step number one, enter your interactions with high value, high mood and high expectations. So thinking about this person, and this topic that you need to communicate to motivate or influence them, start thinking about what is your value that you could bring to them. You won't necessarily give this value nor offer it in the real conversation. But it's important that you're completely aware and conscious that you have this value. The journey important person that could give them benefits.

If you When necessary, so wrote down the value that you have, that you feel could benefit them. Right try to be specific. You could tell or teach, or help them with a marketing strategy for next year's product launch. You could motivate an influence your daughter to do their homework by herself on her own, by her own motivation. You can think about the value you could offer to your husband, because he's not very good at arranging things around the house cleaning or cooking. any topic you want, think about the value you can offer to that other person.

Also, think about the mood. How do you want to feel when you're having these negotiations, this talk or this interaction Try to use explicit adjectives. We talked in a previous lesson about the power of adjectives. So if you say, I want to feel good, I mean, yeah. But you want to feel confident with an unbreakable confidence. Right?

I mean amazingly open to discuss things about yourself. Honest, excited, interested? Good. Think about all of these feelings you want to feel interaction with with this other person and write it down. Finally, high expectations. What are your true expectations of this interaction?

So this, think about the best possible outcome of your interaction. Imagine that all of your dreams would come true in this talk with this person And what would be the end result if everything went along perfectly? Also, think of the worst case scenario. What's the worst that could happen? If things go horribly? You'll find that most of the times, you won't, you will never die.

Right? It won't hurt you. It won't affect you in any big ways. You might get a little embarrassed or something shamed, and that's it. Right, you can get over it rather quickly. This also will help you feel a little bit more confident.

What's the worst that could happen? And finally, try to write out more realistic outcome, something between the best and the worst possible outcome. be hopeful, have strong and hi expectations. Because if you're giving the best of you to the other person, you should definitely expect the best from the other person. So now you're ready to take this technique and use it in the real world. So when you need to have this talk, these negotiation this presentation, make sure to remember your high value, your high mood and your high expectations to start by connecting to them entering their world and their reality and finally connecting their reality to yours, mentioning how what you know, can benefit or help them and their situation.

Now, try to do it anytime you want. Before you start talking to your wife or to your husband tonight. Take a minute to think If you could apply somehow these three steps, it doesn't have to be perfect. Just use these steps as guidelines to guide you through your conversation. You will notice the results I guarantee. Okay, I hope that this technique helps you as much as it has helped me.

And let's keep growing. I'll see you in the next segment. Until then, stay well.