The last strategy I like to use with children is what I call teach appropriate behavior. We've talked about this a couple times where a child is doing silly behaviors. To try to get a certain outcome, our focus should be on teaching them the most effective and appropriate and efficient way to get what they want. When we teach a child how to get attention appropriately, how to escape a task, how to get an item, they are learning an actual skill, a skill that they can use, when we're not around. When they're with their peers or at school, when we replace just saying no, or putting them in a timeout with actually teaching them the new skill. This strategy will help limit our frustration when our child they don't know behaviors.

I think back when my daughter was three years old, I was in the kitchen talking with my wife. We're having a good conversation and all of a sudden, a teddy bear sails through the air between my wife and myself. I look at my wife briefly. We're kind of both frozen there. me thinking of those five functions of behavior. Of course, my daughter's doing this for attention.

So I turned to him said, Hey, if you want mommy's attention, just ask for it. Say, Mommy, I want some attention. So she walks away. I keep talking with my wife. Literally two minutes later, we hear Mommy, I want some attention. My wife looks at me like, seriously, that worked.

So she goes right over to give my daughter that attention to show my daughter. That's a much, much more appropriate way. To get my attention rather than throwing the teddy bear, right? And that could have ended out very differently, hey, you do not do that you go get that right now pick that up, and then maybe tears and frustration and avoided all of that. And now my daughter had a new skill that she could use multiple times after that, of course asking for attention. She can do it in several different ways.

We're telling her exactly what we liked about her behavior. And my daughter got all the credit. Even even though I just told her what to do. She now had a skill to use the next time she wanted her attention with teaching appropriate behavior. It focuses on what the child can do, rather than what the child can't do. If you don't want your child to run around the house inside, and you don't want your child to throw a ball inside, we're going to teach them what they can do.

Where can they run around? Where can they play ball? Hey, looks like you want to run around. Let's go outside and run. That's totally fine. That's totally appropriate to run outside or play ball outside.

Rather than just shutting them down. Hey, stop running, cut it out. I'm thinking in my head. They have lots of energy right now. How can we appropriately release that energy? I want to help them do that.

I can teach them a skill when when you have this much energy in your body. Here are some appropriate ways to calm your body down. Teaching appropriate behavior replaces timeouts. All I'm thinking is building up my kids skill toolbox. If a timeout is going to help my child learn the skill of calming their body, then by all means, but if timeouts are just used to shut down and behavior. Your child isn't learning a better behavior to replace it with Think about your two siblings fighting over a toy.

If we just jump in and, and settle the argument, hey, you give that to him right now, or you are both in timeout. Neither kid learned how to get the item the next time. Instead, I'd hop on over and focus on one kid at a time. Hey, looks like you're not done with it. Just tell him you need one more minute or tell him. I'll give it to you when I'm done.

And then focus on the other. Hey, looks like he's using that right now. When someone's using something you can ask for a turn. Or you can ask the habit when they're done. Have them say those phrases to each other. Now the kids are learning skills for the next time when you're not around.

With siblings. This is something that takes patience and practice and praise but be more prompt the next time you see a battle about to get started and be there to remind them about their new skill. Replace the word share with Hey Remember, you can ask for one more minute if you need it. Or, hey, let your brother know you can have it when he's done. Keep in mind, your child should be calm when they're doing this new skill you just taught them. You tell them, say, Please, and they scream, please.

Yeah, that's a good attempt. But now we need to say it in a calm voice. You want your child to be calm as much as possible before you give in to whatever their demand is. Let's say you ask your son, do you want an apple? And he screams? No.

If we say, oh, okay, no problem. You don't have to have an apple. You're telling your child. That's an appropriate way to say no. No, continue using it. instead think in your mind.

Yeah, right. Yeah, right. You think that's an appropriate way to talk to me? Right. That's what you're thinking in your head. Don't say that out loud.

I used to phrases when I want to give them the correct word. When it's a newer skill, just give them the proper words to say. Just say, say no. Say No thank you. This replaces, use your words, which can often leave lead to silence and more frustration. Using the word say, gives the kid the words immediately.

And then they get their desired outcome. The second phrase I use is try again, my kid yells know, at me, and I know they have the skill of no thanks in their in their repertoire. So I'm going to just simply state try again, in a calm voice. They will match my tone and say, No, thanks. Oh, okay, no problem. Thanks for using a calm voice and letting me know DC how I like to add in some fun whenever I can with kids.

This one takes practice and patience, but when You see your child use a skill you taught them. You see them do it all by themselves. It's so rewarding. I love watching my own kids use the one more minute. Because I know just a couple weeks ago, they were screaming and holding on to the tablet and having a full on meltdown. You'll want to heap all the praise on your kid when they do these skills independently.

Without any reminders. It takes practice, but you can apply these to a wide range of situations and instances. It will become more natural with time you did it, you completed the right approach module. I have a few more thoughts I'd like to share with you. So I'll see you in the next module.