How many times has it happened that you have gone to catch up with a friend that you haven't seen for a while? And either it's happened to you where somebody has said hi. So good to see you have you lost weight you look amazing, or that you have heard people and another table great each other the same way. And it's it's one of those things where until you start noticing, you don't realize before how prevalent these sorts of comments are. Now often when we are there receiving things of compliments from our friends, how Kinzer there and having somebody greet you with Hi, have you lost weight, you look amazing, reinforces to our young people, that it's really important that you know, losing weight isn't is a great thing. It's one of the best things we can be also When you great children, often when you grab a young young girl, it's oh my goodness, you're so cute.

Look at your hair, love your pretty dress. Everything we say is centered towards the external. And we're not looking at them and saying, Hi, you look so strong. And I think, I think your brain must be grind because you look like such a smart person. You know, we're not doing anything to, to reinforce their who they actually are. We are reinforcing the importance of the external.

And we're doing that because it's what we've learned, you know, we've learned that along the way, it used to be the greatest compliment that I could receive personally was I'd lost weight. But when I was heading towards the end of my eating disorder, I've had a really unwell summer. I've lost a lot of weight and I returned back to work over the summer holidays. I have never received as many compliments as I received in that period of time. And, you know, Wow, you look amazing. How did you do it?

And in my mind, all I was thinking was If only you knew how I had done it, you wouldn't be complimenting me. And, you know, it does a couple of things. So when people compliment you on your weight loss, in your mind, you're also thinking, Well, did I look that bad before that, you know, you have to be so complimentary now. And then as what happens with diets, inevitably, you put the weight back on at some point. And when I know this was the case for me, when I would catch up with people that I remembered had been so, so complimentary of my weight loss. I always felt a little embarrassed when I saw them the next time because I knew that they thought I looked amazing.

And now I look like this and I think you have to be so Way of the messages now, you know, as somebody who complements somebody, you're not trying to say to them, you used to look really crap, that's not what you're doing. But these are the things that we internalized with or without meaning it. So, I encourage you have to change the way you greet people. So an alternative could be Hi, how have you been? And, you know, how's your job going? What's been happening?

What's going on? Tell me how you've been. We don't have to focus on the external. And for me, this was a really challenging one early on, because I was so used to when I caught up with somebody, especially my mom, we would always compliment each other on how it looked. And we've stopped doing that. And so in the beginning, it would be like, you know, we'd wait a few minutes and then I'd say to my jaw look okay, and or she'd say the same thing to me because we felt like we needed that validation.

And once you would get yourself to a point where you no longer need that validation from other people to feel good about yourself, it's a really empowering and liberating place to be. Because our validation shouldn't come from others. It should come from ourselves is similar thing is when I'm getting dressed in the morning, and my daughter comes in and says, I don't like that. Well, if I haven't asked for her opinion, and I really like what I'm wearing, I say to her, thank you. And I actually really like what I'm wearing. And then I continue to wear it.

If I'd asked for her opinion, different story. I'd take that on board perhaps. And but I think showing our kids that our opinion of ourselves is the most important thing, I think is is a such a worthwhile thing to work on. But next time you greet someone Think before you speak and try and say something that doesn't relate to external appearances. Say how you go