Hi, box. Cool. So, here we go recording and yeah, I'll pop this into your box and we'll keep going so that you have the ongoing mastermind Dropbox and so first of all, everybody happy new year. Thank you happy awesome new year and awesome because it's an 11 master year and if you know about numerology, that means that we are all called To a great version of ourselves, it is a master number. So we're here to master things and put our mastery out in the world. And it means for all of us is going to be a lot more frickin ease than last year, probably most of you can feel the energy is already shifted.

I know the moment the second day, January 1, and surely by January 2, everything started to feel very different for me. So understand that and understand that if you don't step into the things that you're here to do, and I bring that up, because we're talking about you writing your book and putting you your energy out through words on pages into the world, your mastering, then it's going to get a little wonky for you. So keep following the path to put it out there. The other thing I want to make note of is that starting February, I don't remember exactly what date it is, but it's mid February, we go through the Chinese New Year and this is the year of the earth dog. I'm inners dog. So it's great news, think about what dogs are right?

They're super friendly. They're loyal. They love to be Pat kibbles and bits. Dogs are very aware, right and very present. And so these are more energies that will help contribute to you being an author as you go along and to getting your works out there. So we have a lot of good stuff supporting us right now.

And for quite some time. So that's all good news. And that is my new year update. I have to say, I'm thrilled to be with you. And I'm thrilled that we're going to continue this so that you can finish and get your book out there. So why don't you guys give an update and here's what I'd like to hear from you.

What is new that you haven't shared about your book? Like they are just what's new going on with you? You as an author or you as a book, you as an author or for your book, if you want to start. Okay, um, well, I have been taking a rather enforced break from things, because I've been getting work done on my house. And I have a new roof and some new solar panels and tomorrow we have the inspection. And we go live, hopefully tomorrow.

So kind of a more of a very good I hadn't anticipated. And you sent me an email at the end of the year about something you're doing in February, and what's happening with your book, and that's really what I'd love you to share. Because that's, that's what's new and good about you and your book because you have some big stuff going on. And I think you shared you Almost finished your book Well, it's about two thirds finished and it's up to make sure I go out with the bang you know come in with a bang and go out with a bang and there is a writers conference that's coming to San Diego right on the the year of a dog Chinese New Year and the pre our they caught the editors who want to see coffee first. Their deadline is the 15th and that's that's a real like a drop dead deadline.

And that gives me like six days to get to get something together if I you know if I feel I'm at that point. So, a lot of exciting things going on. I kind of made a conscious decision that I would have to take a break it during the time of the work was going on and all the noise and banging and all that. So I said, well, fiscal enjoy the end of the year and the beginning of this, come here and jump right back into the book before the 15th I have some new stuff ready for next week. Excellent. Well, that makes sense.

I think most of us checked I know I took time off. I still had my to do list. But my energy was I was done. I was crap by the end of the year. So I I had to just trust my energy every day and just say, you know to do lists are never going away in my life. So it was very nice.

Actually. I enjoyed that. I needed that. So I certainly get it and i would i would I'm going to ask for you because Deb, I really want to support you for this conference. So we can show up fully with whatever is needed and required for your book and to get you ahead. So you bring with you.

Any questions you have about that. Any questions about your book, any pieces of your book, any accountability things you want to use the class for the mastermind? use us use me and rely on us to help get you there. Because you have. I mean, that's at least five weeks away, almost six. You could do this.

If you break it into chunks. If you reverse engineer it, go out and know what you need to create that you can do this and let us help you support you to get there so we can celebrate with you. All right. Okay. Awesome. Wonderful.

And Beth. Hi, how are you? Good. I can't activate my video. I'm sorry, it's gone dead on my computer. I think it's broken.

It's Are you able to activate it on your side? I will check Ah, limbs under participants in the lower right options you can say asked to do, but it's not. I have you know this computer years ago when I bought it the video didn't work, and they fixed it, but maybe it's just stopped working you good anyway. Well, I'll figure it out later. It's just started today. Um, so Okay, Ben, thanks for your share.

I'm really excited. And I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that took a break because I just needed to have a vacation from everything and then I moved to my new apartment and we're all going through housing stuff. It sounds like um, but the good news is I'm about 95 pages in and actually having a break. I've been thinking about the book a lot. I'm like, oh, wow, some of the stories I want to just take out. But there's stuff I want to start writing about.

Because I'm seeing that the book can have several layers where I can put more of my own philosophy and even like journey about my work, like I'm feeling like, Oh, well, there's more complexity here. But just writing about all these dating stories, has sparked off this question of, well, what's missing now? Like, what needs to where's the glue? What's the through line? What does this character really really wanting? And when I first started writing, I wasn't really sure or I thought I had I had an idea.

And just in the past couple weeks, I actually got the nerve up and started dating again and boy have my boundaries improved. I'm like a rock star now with the boundaries. I think writing the book has helped a lot for not putting up with crap. So yeah, so it's been very, very good break, and I'm excited to Get back at it. And I actually today I've been doing all my planning for the month and really looking towards the year. So I'm going to reinstate my writing schedule, and I'll keep y'all posted.

Did I answer the questions? Yeah, yeah, absolutely 95 pages, better boundaries. The writing is not why you started but it sounds like it's creating a healing and an amazing awareness in your life and, and that you're contributing to each other. Yes. And you make what I believe, again, be true, which is that a book is a live energy form. And the fact that it is guiding you and your lives so to speak or communicating with one another is amazing.

And what's also going to be amazing is watch the watch how this book continues to unfold because As you change, obviously the chapters are going to change and the feeling I have when you share that is just how incredibly rich it's going to be how varied The stories are going to be one thing for everybody a lot of resonance and, and someday that you can look back on that and your reflection of the journey you took and that the book took together. Yeah, synchronicity. I come magical. Yes. I'm excited for you. I'm very excited for you.

That's that's pretty profound, actually. Which part? Well, I think it's profound. That the book is in real time having influence on your life and Yeah, fine. You are going out and having I mean, dating is a pretty big deal, right? It's very raw.

Yeah, it is. And it can be many things a big suit. But the fact that you're taking all of this and because of the awareness is generating that you're going out and it's shifting who you are. in relationship to dating, and shifting your dating experience, and that there's a healing going on with them. Thank you. Thank you.

Yes. So I have unmuted everybody but it doesn't give me the ability to I've checked your checked a bunch of different places. I don't see any way to activate your video. You can't activate it because it's not working on my computer. It looks like my camera has just gone dead entirely. So I'll have to go to make an appointment at the Apple Store.

But I do have another computer. It's just not plugged in yet. I almost had it set up. So for the next call, I'll be on my new desktop. So we're good. We're fine.

Yeah, I wanted to ask you logistically, if it's every other than it just keeps alternating every other rights. Our next call is the 22nd. That is corrected in the fifth. So it just jumped Every two weeks, I set it up automatically that it will Yes. Every two weeks give you a notice. It should be a day before and however many minutes before the actual call.

So yes, the eighth the 22nd, then February 5, and so forth. Okay, good. I'm just going to make sure it's in my calendar, because if it's not there, I'll schedule over it. So the Google notice that I sent you, it, put it on your calendar and every all the information be in there, so you don't have to. Oh, we'll do it automatically. It'll post it.

Yeah. Okay, great. Yay. Yay for ease. So um, so let's do So two things. First of all, the chat room is live if you ever need to right there.

This is great. You don't ever have to worry about texting because I really just shut everything off. So my attention is here. But if you ever need to chat with me or the others, you can right here. That's live well. I want to really honor you guys.

So New Year new me new opportunities, new possibilities. So let's talk about let's see, I've so many ideas that are coming forward. Do you want to read today? Yes, I think reading, reading every time is great reading, getting feedback to me is the best part of what we do so great. So I wanted to check in because I didn't know based on what you would share if you actually had anything to read. So if you do phenomenal, great, great, great.

And then the second part is, I think, well, let's do the reading. We have a small class. So if there's anything after the reading that you would like to know that you wonder about writing that you wonder about being an author, you wonder about your book, you wonder about the after book, which really technically I shouldn't be sharing with you, but I would be happy to because that's what I do. to yours I am, you know, here, whatever wisdom I have, I can share whatever questions you have that I can answer I'm really happy to because I want this to be a super positive experience be so great if you wrote a book and you said, damn, that was so much fun. I'm gonna do it again next year, you know, whatever it is. You can i a series out there, what are you going to say?

Oh, can I share some older stuff that I've written? Yes, you're going to share too? Absolutely. Okay. We will be a sharing mastermind class. So let's go ahead and get to it.

And if anybody has their work open, and is ready to read, let me see the time because because we're a smaller group. I think you can really have a good time. Let me do so me in math, me and math. Yeah, I mean, truth is you could read for 15 to 20 minutes. How would that be? We've never done that.

I'll keep my eye on the clock. And, um, yeah, so don't worry. I'll just give you a heads up when we get there. And if anybody has their work open and feels juicy and ready to go first. Okay, I'll go Yay. Um, okay, let me just scroll up a little bit here.

Okay, this was I wrote this one I'd had a few glasses of wine. So I don't know if it'll hold up but I really enjoyed when I wrote it. So I had so much fun. writing it. Let's see if it Hello. Okay.

Um, all right. I didn't actually get through the whole story but I'll start it. Okay, you ready? Did I tell you about the time I eloped in Vegas over the New Year's holiday? No story of my life would be complete without a secret and stupid elopement. I met Ian in a Tantra class.

It was a white Tantra class, so no nudity, yet. nudity is reserved for red Tantra. In walked in with this girlfriend, Angela. Yeah, she was named Angela. She's about six feet tall, the perfect ass and long blonde hair that touched it. They were touching each other all over.

Was you know, there's a lot of background noise. Maybe we can mute. Reading. Do that. Yes. Myself.

Yes, thank you. That would be great because I'm quiet. Okay, um, it was a little bit taller, six foot two with blue eyes ahead of thick blonde hair and stuff. glasses, the Aryan twins. What's funny is back in college I dated a guy named Johan who is now a multi billionaire in Scandinavia. He fell for me hard wanted to give me expensive jewelry and marry me.

We fucked a lot and smoke Tash. He was vain, annoying, totally into himself and boring. He couldn't let go. One time we were having sex and as he moved in and out of me, I felt nothing. I looked up and saw him adjusting his blonde mane in the mirror above the bed. Johan, what are you doing?

Are you really looking at yourself in the mirror? He quickly pretended he had something in his eye and cleared his throat. We lived in the same code house some fraternity row. It was a nice house. for one semester I was the president of the CO Ed whatever it was, we were trying to do house trying to be hippies in the late 80s and I had a room that was a suite. This is a non essential fact.

But scenic. My co Ed told me you two are the arion twin We've talked it over, you should get married you match. At the time I had bleached blonde hair and to five foot seven inches and 118 pounds. We did match physically, but in no other ways that I perceived. My favorite memory of Johan was smoking hash with him and somewhat burning off my eyebrows. I washed off the incinerated hairs and put on a tight black dress.

Johann put on a $2,000 trench coat. We went to a keg party and got completely wasted. I'm sure we fucked after that. I broke up with him a couple of days later, Johann why Johan said why I'm falling in love with you. Johan. This can't go anywhere.

We have nothing in common. We talk about Well, nothing. We are nothing. He bowed his head and walked away. A couple friends elbowed me after the fact and gave me a razzing man you fucked that guy over a stupid idiot. You know if you stuck it out you would have ended up a billionaire to his dad is one of the richest people in Scandinavia you would become part of that.

I'm not a prostitute I replied. I want love deep fucking wild insistent love. Johan has the surface trappings the looks the money the gifts. I want a man that makes me go wild. He walks into the room and my knees wobble, my heart experiences arrhythmia. My body begins to sweat everywhere the back of my knees and the crease of my elbows.

He looks at me and I get wet. He kisses me and I almost pass out He is my friend. We have a glass of bourbon together and make out for a long long time before he throws me over his shoulder and takes me into the bedroom. That's a love I want real love. And Ian was not Johann but he was close, less grounded. More erratic a mental was an almost certainly bipolar or manic depressive.

But I didn't know any of this yet. superficial confused pursuing the wrong Things Yes, this he shared with Johan. Hey, I'm fully aware as I write this in my third glass of cab that I'm the common denominator in this blonde haired Freak Show. I'm the dipshit dating these dipshits The question is then why? Why did I find these men attractive? The best answer I can come up with is that I'm curious.

I like finding things out and I am brave. Very little scares me if the guy is weird. I want to know how weird The guy is rich and beautiful. Will he like me? The hometown girl who is nerdy and into Star Wars. If the guy has a chip on his shoulder Can I soften him and allow him to relax and smile?

I'm more curious about them than myself. I want to know what makes them tick. How are they who they are? In an Angela had a crazy love. He was living in a shitty apartment caring for his two kids part time and just out of a miserable divorce. Angela wasn't divorced yet and caring for her two kids and dealing with a verbally abusive and interfering husband in an Angela lien had it For each other, they fucked like bunnies and couldn't keep their hands to themselves watching them.

In the Tantra class I felt the eight inch scar stretched out over where my right breast used to be tightening as it healed. I couldn't quite lift my arm. I was being sued by my ex husband for alimony and all like in doing all I could to not feel sorry for myself not feel like a victim. I wasn't succeeding. The music started thumping through the loudspeakers The class was on an intermission and we were invited to dance. I was wearing flowing white pants and a fitted white shirt fitted white shirt.

I let the music fill me from my toes right up to the top of my head. My body began to flow around the room my hips pulsing to the music My right arm going as far as it would go. My left arm making up the difference. Tears some my eyes. Mind came online. Fuck Davis, pull it together.

Don't cry. Just Dance. It was good advice. I do. danced and danced swirling in circles that swelled out into figure eights. People sat up and stared.

Some stood and leaned forward Angelina and a few other women join me we twisted and twirled around one another. I could feel the spark of life moving in me I wasn't dead. I was so fucking here and I was going to have to deal deal with it. It being all my feelings, all my sorrow, all my mistakes and all my dreams. It was taking responsibility for marrying someone who never wanted to marry but did it to please me marrying and no Philander who thought he would be different with me because he loved me so much. My stepdaughter, Tommy told me not too long ago that the day before my marriage to her dad, she and her sister and her aunt and her grandmother told him James, don't do this.

Don't do this to her. You know you aren't good at being married or being faithful. Fuck off. James said I love her. And right up until the end until my body collided with Mr. Blue eyes. I thought wow.

He's so disciplined. Even though we are rarely having sex and going through a rough time, he's not cheating. Baha joke is on me. And when I confessed Catholic guilt is hard that I had slept with Mr. Blue Eyes James use this as an opportunity to tell the family that I had betrayed him. This this after he slept with a friend, countless Chinese hookers. Well that's another book our business dealings in China and God knows who else I betrayed him.

Small wonder I got breast cancer. I am fucking fucking lucky to be here. That's what I can say today. So Ian and Angela Yeah, they were struggling Angela wasn't divorced yet feeling guilty. Ian was just an overreach. Fuck boy.

He would fuck anything. Woman man animal hole in the wall. I just didn't know it yet. So Angelina asked for space and Ian got lonely. He invited me to lunches into dinners. We ate a lot of cheeseburgers and discuss breathing exercises spiritual traditions in our broken hearts.

Mr. Blue Eyes is floating in and out. He did this for a good six solid years before his extortion attempts made me cut him loose. And Angela would screw in from time to time on the down low in the back guestroom when the kids were asleep, and her soon to be ex hubby was out of town. We were both tired, confused, lonely, and was smart. Fucking smart. As I've said before, I'll take the smart over the hot any day.

The good news is that I have a knack for hot and smart. The bad news is hot, smart and fucking crazy. I am not crazy. Oh wait, I'm having one of those red wine induced insights and no, I'm not a fucking alcoholic. If only believe me, I tried to try to drink it away snorted away. Fuck it away.

My body just won't have it. I have too much and I fall asleep. Quite a trick right? It's about dad. Could this be Any more cliche well as the cliched saying goes cliche stick because they're cliches for a reason. Uh huh.

My dad he was so handsome when I was a teenager that my high school friends would tell me about their crushes on him. Gross. Shut up. Don't tell me tell him. Wait, don't say anything just shut up. He is wicked smart, as they say in New England, IQ over 150 computer engineer, former gambling addict chess champion, a left brain whiz and he was so handsome and nerdy.

What am I going for handsome and incredibly nerdy tossin eccentric with a side of heavy drinking. Wherever you go, there you are. And I'm going to wrap it up here. So I'm going to go with harville Hendricks relationship theory that you keep choosing a blend of your two parents but with consciousness Haha, and awareness. Whatever the fuck that is. You choose a blend that is more mellow than suicide.

Well, a girl can dream. In wasn't even a wine or liquor. He was fucking moonshine too strong, bringing on hallucinations and late night conversations that never ended. My mother met him over the 2013 Christmas holiday and said, Beth, he seems a little unstable. Why is he keeping you up so late? You just had another breast surgery.

He needs to let you sleep. She was right. But sociopaths don't let you sleep. It's one of their primary tactics for enslaving you and assisting you in making stupid, retarded decisions. Beth, we should go to Vegas this new year's and get married. Well, I'm gonna stop there.

Yeah, is there more after that? Just so I know. So he says Beth, we should go to Vegas and get married and oh, there's more. Oh yeah, there's a lot more Why feels cruel? Laughter don't you? Don't you want to turn the page to the next chapter?

I'm just doing what you told me teacher. And have you this at the end of the chapter? No, there's a little bit more you won't hear the rest. Yeah, because by the way, you could end it right there and start the next chapter because I could not read the next chapter. I think I will stop there. But I'll tell you that can I reach to the top of the next chapter then tell ya, and it seems a little fast.

I need to think about it. Yeah, well, we aren't getting any younger. We're in our 40s we don't have forever. You and I get along great. We have amazing conversations and our sex is pretty off the hook. Why do we have to wait?

We already know we're grownups. Not a bad argument a said to the girl with the anesthesia still coursing through our system from the second and what would become multiple breast surgeries. On the way to Vegas from LA. I drove While Ian read to me his new book, it was really good, well written, compelling, believable. It was based on his life. His attempts at finding love.

In retrospect, he'd softened his sex addiction to mere commitment phobia in the book. But still, it resonated. He was honest, trying to find his heart after the wreckage of an abusive father, a narcissistic mother, and a needy first wife. And then I didn't get into the whole Vegas. That's where I stopped. I haven't I jumped to writing something else, but I haven't written about the Vegas wedding.

So good. You know, I'm gonna first feedback, stop it right where you did. Okay, good. We'll do and then have a powerful opening for that next chapter that brings you into the material you just shared. Uh huh. is right now it's very pedestrian.

And we've just been shocked. So Give us a little bit so started off at a really high point. It probably would be something about how you digested or didn't try to digest hearing him say that, you know, the mishegoss or the soup that ensued once you heard that. Yep. Awesome. Thank you for reading.

That was amazing. Would you like to hear feedback? Yes, please. Well, first, I want to say I feel very proud of you for saying no. That's what the where the story starts with Johan where you're saying people are saying well, beekeeping before people said you're nuts and you know, he's the second in line and so forth. But the fact that you said I'm not having conversations with this guy, I'm not having this is not what I'm after.

This is not the connection right? I have to say that I think a lot of people will resonate and say, that's a big deal. Because many people actually could have crazy great sex and say, Okay, this one and not see past the lust, they could see the goals and the possibilities of a big life and a beautiful luxurious, this and that and having a name for yourself. And that would be enough. But the fact that you were like, no, that's not for me. That's very powerful.

That said, you go on to describe what you're looking for. I'm gonna beg you to write much more, they're more details. Okay. Sure. Because what you do is you talk about you start out by saying, I want real love and then frankly, all you talk about is sex, right? I mean, it's really it's sex is so primary to why I like to be in a relationship.

It's sort of overshadows everything else. Basically, I need to build Fuck and communicate. And the commute. Yeah, I will write more about that. I will you have to because you're basically just contradicted everything you said before, right? Well, that's exactly sex was not enough.

So what it what are you looking for? I want to know, what is what is your shaking for you? What is that person? and much more. I mean, the sex is fine, but just, you know, be fleshed out a bit and I could tell that's where the wind came in. I was curious when you were it was a little curious when you were saying I want to know what makes them tick.

We'll be curious about what makes them tick. I was curious, you know what, so it was such an intriguing thing. But actually, that you could do a whole chapter on that because my feeling was this is huge. For you, this is a, like a generating machine for you with men, certainly possibly with people. I was so fascinated by what that engagement is for you with other people and what that looks like and feels like and what propels it. I just, it felt it was one sentence and yet in my world It felt like this.

I was that fascinated by it. Because this must be big in your world. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, as you say that I can see how it could be a whole chapter because the interesting thing is my clients pay me right. They pay me to help them figure out who they are.

And I dropped out of acting because I didn't want to play other people. I was more interested in understanding real people, not false, not made up characters. Like stuff that's made up is kind of less interesting to me than real stuff, which it seems like for most of humanity, it's the other way around because they want to escape their life, but I really don't want to escape my life. So I think you're right, Debbie, I think this is kind of huge. And the other thing that's been occurring to me just in the past couple weeks is that I was talking to a friend and she's like Beth, you have to go to a matchmaker. And suddenly, this light bulb went off that my capacity to hang out with the general public has never existed.

When I was a kid, I hung out with adults, when I was five years old, I'd go hang out with the adults to listen to them because I couldn't stand being with the kids. They drove me crazy cartoons and all that I just never liked being a kid. And I think I'm so accepting that when I go dating, I'm just kind of open. And because of my family background, it's not like I have a lot of experience with people who aren't hot messes. And I've always been the stable one. So there's some place where I don't go Wait a minute, I deserve better.

And since I've been writing this book, I'm like, I deserve so much better. Like oh, God, I'd rather be single than be with these unconscious attics, basically. But there's so many of them everywhere you go. You can just throw a stone and hit a dread hit an alcoholic in Los Angeles. So yeah, I think there's something huge here. There's something really huge thank you.

I'm just sort of, I don't mean to think out loud, but I think I've underestimated myself. And I think I need to have a little more arrogance about who I am, because I'm really not crazy. Well, this is also a big in reflection, this is a big way you connect with people, and it's probably what is it's the foreplay in a way, because I'm sure the men you meet when you flash your attention on them, but your attention is because that's Your Highness. That's really how you are. But for them, it must be like, Oh, you know, who doesn't love to be asked questions or people about them or there's a fascination. So there's a lot that goes on here and a lot of levels to floor.

I also loved when you mentioned the scar where my breasts used to be and how tight it got. I thought, like brilliant words. There was one part that got confusing. You were saying blue eyes. Oh, he's from another chapter. That's why Mr. Blue Eyes is from another chapter.

Okay, good. You want the book to find a way because just in case someone either wants to jump around your book and add and doesn't retain was loving your book, which is made out retain those facts. All right reference. Yeah, to reference who was a little confusing about who that was? I actually thought they're confused here because they haven't heard of Mr. Blue Eyes, even though there's several chapters about him. So yeah.

Imagine he had big blue eyes. The biggest blue eyes I've ever seen in my life. All right. Okay. I loved I loved the reference to what is his name? harville Hendricks Yeah.

That really worked for me. And I just want to give you a very honest, something that has nothing to do if you just if there's something that's flashing here that says, remaining meeting time, one minute upgrade to Pro, okay, fine. Actually, I run a whole mastermind on this, and I've never had this happen. So I'm trying to pay them or something. But nothing's coming up. So I'm not just in case something happens.

Do you want my link because I have a pro account because it's based on the bandwidth you use. I can put in the chat my link and we can just switch over if you want. And I can record it and send you that recording. Yeah, this is great. And then I can upgrade. Yeah, then you can upgrade it after.

Let me just pull it up. And I'll send you all the links You don't have to you don't need any pass code or anything. It's just my meeting room. Okay, let me know that you've all got it. And it's, it's clicking off in less than a minute. So okay, I just said it's a hot link.

So if you click it, it'll just take you right over and I'm going to drop off and go over there now, right and before and I'm going to stay on and just end the recording properly. Okay, okay. sweetnesses Okay.