All right, lesson number nine, program rejection, the precursor to anxiety. Now in our last lesson, we left off talking about rejection. So when you think about the different times throughout maybe the first five years where we're experiencing the feeling of separation, it's very similar to the feeling of rejection, especially as a child. So separation and bathing could be synonymous, but we could also say, a feeling of no worth a feeling of not being valued or of having no value, right? Oh, sure. So if you pay attention to little children, they go through different phases or growth where they're experiencing how to share for example, and in the beginning, they The word mind and they'll say mind, mind, mind over and over.

Because what they're doing is they're experiencing the identification with objects that are outside of themselves. So toddlers go through this social and emotional stage where temper tantrums are very, very common. But what they're experiencing is themselves. Now the reality is is children, they want what they want. What happens when a toddler doesn't get what they want? Well, their conscious mind isn't yet developed, and therefore, they're living in a world of fantasy, especially from the adult point of view.

Everything is real to the toddler, even to the young child. I mean, what about the belief in Santa Claus the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny, these are real and they should be very young. However, the child's world is as only as far as their five physical senses can carry them. Now they're learning to become more self aware and then as infants transition into toddlerhood and become more self aware, they start to experience more want. I want this, I want that I want this, I want that. And many children if they don't get what they want, they throw tantrums.

And in a way we could say that a lot of us do and let me explain. But what are we most often told when we want things as little children? Well, the most common answer is no. And each time that we have a conversation with anybody, whether it's an infant, a child or an adult, this is an experience. And remember, I said that it is my belief that we're here on Earth, to experience and when we go through the process of developing self awareness and transition into self, we still want what we want. And then when we're told no or we experienced the feeling of rejection, those feelings manifest themselves in our body.

Little children cry, they go through anxiety, they throw tantrums and they exhibit emotion. There's no doubt that you can simply observe a child. And in those moments, you know exactly what they're feeling. However, a beautiful, wonderful thing about children is they express themselves. And in my observation, and in my opinion, this is very, very healthy. Recall the endocrine system, that little alarm tower in our brains every time that we perceive a threat, whether it's real or not, it sends out a chemical rush into the body.

And these chemicals now create vibrations and they create energy and they create emotion is can't put the child for having emotion after all, they're human. So what we're not taught is how to manage it and control it and release it. Instead, most of us are raised with a forced learning to suppress it without the proper release of that energy. And when you think about the different times throughout the first few years of life, when we're experiencing the feeling of separation or rejection, they're very similar. Learn experiences. And if you pay attention to little children as they go through afraid this phase, where they're being taught how to share, for example, and they're saying that mine and mine and mine in mind, the reality is as children, we still want what we want.

But what are we told, again, our conscious minds are not yet fully developed. And therefore, when we as children live in a world of unconsciousness, or a world of fantasy, or a world where everything that we see, hear, smell, taste, and touch is real and exists. And we're learning to become more self aware, and we don't get what we want. It's perceived as a threat or as rejection. Even if that feeling is only momentarily and we're sued or validated. Too late, the experience happened and that coding took place.

Now, the soothing and validation is extremely important for healthy growth, but not all of us receive that especially Right away. Now as we transition between the ages of say one to three, we go through what I see as three major benchmarks, language, self awareness, as we've been discussing, and mobility. And this leads to more want in depending on the home that you grew up in various factors determined a person's coding for rejection or validation. So let me give you some hard numbers. Now this is based on some of the research that I found in psychology today. If you were raised in a professional family, your parents gave you 32 yeses to five noes per hour.

And that's a ratio of six to one. And if you were raised in a working class family, you received 12 yeses to seven noes. And that's a ratio of two yeses to one No, if you were raised in a welfare family. Well, you were told five yeses to 11 nose a ratio of one yes to twice as many knows and in a one year time period, which is 5200 hours a professional family gives you or I mean, by the way this is the the parents only the professional family he has 166,000 yes is to 26,000 notes that's six yeses to one. No. And if you're in a working class family in the year that 62,000 yeses to 36,000 nose so two yeses to one No.

And a welfare family is 26,000 yeses, 250 7000 nose. Now again, these numbers I gave you researchers only studied the experience of yes and no, our the validation or rejection from only the parental communication within the family. But what if you spent a lot of time with extended family or you have a lot of siblings like I did, or you have babysitters or child care or friends. I mean, then you compound that to social learning, like going to preschool and eventually school, daycare. Well, now each time that we have a conversation or interaction with anybody, whether it's as an infant, a child or an adult, doesn't matter if you remember it or not, it's still as an experience. Remember that we're here to experience.

And when we go through the process of developing self awareness and transition into self, well, we still want what we want, don't we? And when we're told no, or we experienced the feeling of rejection, those feelings manifest themselves in our little bodies. Or if we're bigger, even as an adult, they manifest themselves in our adult bodies. Now little children cry, they go through anxiety, they throw tantrums, and they exhibit that emotion. Now, the great thing about children is they express themselves. As I have said, this is very, very healthy because, again, recall the endocrine system, that little alarm tower in our brain, every time that we receive a perceived threat, whether it's real or not.

Still sends out a signal. And that rush of hormones and that rush of energy in our little bodies creates a vibration and vibration is energy. And thus it is emotion. Now, by not learning how to properly express emotion, if we are told to suppress it often enough, you're well, you can can see where I'm going with this as a little child, when children are allowed and taught to properly express this excess energy, they can let it go. And when they let it go, it's healthier. And why am I making this an important point of constantly repeating myself?

Well, I want you to see that the patterns of experience are also patterns of learning. They are patterns of our emotions. And there's a great Latin phrase called repeat your Madrid's to reorient s and that means repetition is the mother of all learning. Now repetition is the mother of Learning however, two different children can be experiencing the exact same event. But based on their previous patterns, or coding, which is all the little pluses and the minuses, they're going to interpret that same experience differently. They will respond or react or react, exactly how they've been coded.

Their perception of the event will be different, their memory of that event will be different, and it doesn't make one child better or worse. It only means that they respond perfectly and right on target to how they were coded to this point in their lives. So once you are I start to get the feelings of no or rejection over and over and over from either your parents or from the home environment or from any and all sources of experience. I want you to know that this feeling is based on our past coding, and if you receive soothing or you were taught that you were still validated as an individual, and you were shown love whether it was The parents or are from family or friends, you learn how to adjust better. And if you learn how to connect with others in a healthy way, those feelings of rejection are not as significant as if we had the same experience.

And we're not validated in the same way. So does this make any sense to you? And you may be thinking at this point, well, gosh, why hasn't anybody told me this? Well, you're hearing about it now. And now that we're starting to understand our past coding, it helps us replace that code significantly faster and eliminate that and prevent the feelings of anxiety when they do happen. Now, the most important relationships that we have as children and as we're growing up, definitely is with our immediate caregivers.

But now as we enter into a new realm of developing relationships with other people, and especially as we transition into adulthood, we're starting to also have other reinforcements by people Other than our parents are immediate caregivers. So when we heard that no, no little Johnny or no little Susie, this is not yours and no, you can't go to the bathroom. No, no, no, you can have this you can have that. These are all forms of rejection. So can you picture the image, this transition from our parental homecare to the experiences outside of the home without our parents or maybe those who have been standing right there and been willing to and able to soothe and validate us. I mean, we enter the world of our peers, our teachers, and we learn how to suppress these feelings of rejection and just deal with it.

And this coding has been part of our past. Now, as a toddler, we may have been allowed to express the energy by throwing the tantrum or by yelling or crying, but as we age, our ability to express that information or express that feeling or express that she stays within our body, especially if we've never been taught How to release it as a child. Even having other kids make fun of us or teases isn't very emotional. Why? Because it's a perceived threat. So now that we've been talking about the critical filter when we reach the, you know, the ages of eight to 10, I'll tell you why this time frame is so critical concept, this point where we begin to really question things, and little boys and girls in a stage of prepubescents.

Of course, we're starting to enter into a time where we're developing not only this critical filter, but the questions are getting more deeper, and we're starting to feel emotions a little bit more impactful, but we still want what we want. And when we've been coded to a point now, where we may have developed different expectations by others, or by the outside world, we start to question them, and we start to choose don't we start to say, you know, I don't want this and I don't want to go there and I don't want to be with those people because they make me feel bad. Well, compared to our earlier childhood, we're now starting to have more choice. And we know more clearly what makes us feel good. And really what makes us feel bad because we're no longer living in a total unconscious world. We're becoming more conscious as to who we are and what our preferences are in those moments, and then in our lives.

And as kids, we try to be very inventive and imaginative in trying to acquire the things that we want. I mean, we've become very inventive because we've been rejected, or maybe we've been told so many different times. But remember, we as children, are also intelligent little beings walking around, what's the definition of intelligence? Right, the ability to overcome obstacles. So sometimes this inventiveness is not quite so appropriate in getting what we want, right? So now as we start to develop social skills and we interact with other people outside of our family unit, we also start to experience a higher level of rejection, especially as a preteen.

Because now if we are rejected by some friends and we're not able to get that soothing so quickly, especially by our peers who, who really may hurt our feelings while we're rejected, our connections still are important to us. We want to deeply connect with other people. We want to be accepted. We want to play with our friends we want to fit in. We want that acceptance. We don't receive the same soothing that we received from our parents when we felt rejected as a little kid, or when we felt the perceived threat of who we are, but we still want that acceptance.

Nega asked the question Why? Well because it makes us feel good. And now that we have learned choice if something doesn't make us feel good. We tend to avoid it. Now again, repetition is the mother of all learning, rapid TTL matters to reorient. esterbrook repetition is the mother of all learning.

So, even if you didn't like the lessons that you're you're learning in that experience. It still is part of your programming. So now go ahead and complete your workbook exercises.