Hello and welcome to this episode of mastering your emotion instead of episode I should have said Welcome to this video. Okay, so I what I'd like you to do first is to download the handout that goes with the video which is the emotional resilience chart. And because I'm going to go through a PowerPoint with you after which is quite short, but as I go through it, you'll start to understand why. So I'd like to start with a short story so that you understand where I'm going with this. Okay. Tim and Chris Hall bomb have been my mentors, and they taught me neuro linguistic programming to share this story with me.

Where they went to Australia they were invited to teach a course in Australia back in 2000. And what had happened is, they thought, well, since it's so far away from America, why not go an extra week early and make a holiday out of it? So they decided to stay an island. Now, I can't remember the name of the island, but it was beautiful white sandy beaches, million dollar houses on the island. And what happened was, it was time to go into Sydney to teach their course. So they got a cab ride from the hotel that we're staying at on the island, and went to the local airport to catch a flight out into Sydney.

Chris likes to make small talk. So she started to talk to the driver and ask him how he was doing and how he found the island that he was living at. And he started by saying, oh, you're Americans, aren't you? I can tell from your accent. And then he goes on to say how lucky they are at that their economy's doing So well, which was in 2001. And he said, Oh, I work so hard.

The only day I get off is Sunday and on Sunday, then I get together with my friends and my backyard and have drinks. And that's all there is, you know, it's paycheck to paycheck, never make enough money and on and on, he went, well, let me tell you, they were glad to get to the airport and catch a flight into Sydney. Then they got into Sydney, and they got a call from the organizers that they couldn't make it to the airport to pick them up. So if they and if they could get a cab to take them to the hotel in Sydney. So they walked out and a cab pulled up and someone cheerfully got out. Well, not someone, the driver got out here early and said, Hey, welcome to Sydney, where are you going?

And I told him where to go and put the bags into the trunk. And he turned to them and you say this is your first time into Sydney and this ABS And he goes, do you have time, I could take an extra long to drive and show you the sights of Sydney and I will charge you extra. They said, Well, of course if that's okay with you, that's okay with us. And so along they went on a longer drive. Again, during the cab ride, Chris asked the cab driver. What what you thought about Sydney and he said, it's great, economy's great.

And again, you know, compared to the other driver who said it wasn't that great. This driver said it was great. Then he asked them where they where they were before, and they mentioned the island that they were staying on. And a cab driver say, Oh, that's where my wife and I are retiring pretty soon. I know. And then he goes on to say, you know, I've been driving a cab for 30 years.

I'm really going to miss it. I loved my customers. I loved what they had to share with me and I learned So much from them. Chris and Tim looked at each other because they knew that the houses on that island were were pretty pricey. And they wondered how he could afford to buy a house there and retire. And so he said that his house in Sydney was worth quite a bit.

And he didn't owe anything on it. And he got a lot of advice from customers in the back of his car, who would tell him where to invest his money, which he did, and he made a lot of money. So he said, you know, we are we are going to be quite comfortable. That's why we decided to go there. Now, this is what I want to ask you. Look at these two drivers, same economy, same country, but look at how differently they see their life.

And, you know, it was funny that Tim and Chris went through this because it made them really think about how we see things in our head. And so this is all about mastering emotion. But I wanted to use this story to explain to you what I'm trying to teach you. So here I am sharing my screen now with you. And if you notice in this next slide that that I have here, we have them event, we have emotion and we have behavior. What I'm trying to say is that when we have a stimulus or an event, it will create an emotion.

That emotion then creates a behavior. So in this story, the event was the drivers driving a cab. The emotion in the first one was that he was angry and disappointed with life. Whereas the second driver had the emotion of being happy and satisfied. Which led to the behavior of the first one complaining throughout the cab ride and the second one who's became curious about his customers that he picked up. So we have a stimulus, which is an event creates an emotion creates a behavior.

So really, your behavior is the result of the mood that you're in. Yes. And you agree with that. Now, just so I can point this out, when you go from event to emotion, it's very quick in your head, it's very unconscious. And we don't realize that there is something going on there. And which is very, very unconscious, and we don't realize that that's happening.

And that is what I call sensory filters. We have sensory filters that are in the middle of your stimulus and your emotion and they guide your emotion in some way. Okay, and then we behave in that manner. So what are sensory filters? They are based on five things, your senses, which is what you see, hear, feel, taste, smell, your values, what is important to you, your belief systems, what you believe is true for you and how you see the world. You're in memories that you've had from a long time, from the time you were little, and the patterns that you've created in your life.

So for example, a pattern could be when you wake up in the morning, what do you do exactly? Do you go have coffee first and then brush your teeth? Or do you brush your teeth and then have coffee, those are patterns. But today in this video, I'm only going to focus on senses because that is where we can learn how to master our emotions quickly. That is where you'll you will learn a quick strategy that I will show you today of how you can do that. So let's just focus on sense, which is visual, auditory, what you hear, or even what you're thinking your self talk can be auditory, and kinesthetic, kinesthetic it is feelings, or touch.

Those are the three primary senses that we have, I'm not going to go into taste, and smell. And by using the senses, you will learn how to direct your own movie. Okay? In the video that you saw before this, which had the slides only in there, I explained that if you can control what you watch on TV with your remote control, why can't we control what we have in our mind, and this is what I'm teaching you today. So to give you an example, let's look at two people who are flying on an aeroplane. How they make the movie in their head.

The first person is has the fear of flying, whereas the second person doesn't. They just look forward to flying. So how are they using the senses here? Well, let's start with the first person who is has the fear of flying. They'll probably visualize even before they get on the plane, they'll start to visualize that the plane going through turbulence. They'll probably visualize the baggage dropping from compartments, oxygen masks falling down, and the plane losing control.

Sorry, there's a typo there. Then they will imagine hearing the pilots anxious voice over the intercom about you know, putting on the oxygen masks or something and the passengers screaming in the background. Then there'll be feeling anxious, they'll feel scared, so the person will start to panic. probably go through heavy breathing, which is fast, you know, and they're probably start to sweat. So this is how a person who has the fear of flying is already using their senses to make this images. So when they have the stimulus which is flying on a plane, they right away go to emotions, which is all about the panic and the fear, right.

So stimuluses flying emotion is fear of flying, but what's happening in the middle is very unconscious. And that is all this happening where we make movies in our head with our three primary senses. Now let's look at the second person and what they could be going. They could be visualizing while they wait to get on the plane. That they're flying on time and that they're landing on time that they'll get a drink when they're on the plane. That they may be chatting with the next seat, you know, passenger just to pass time and to find out what everyone is up to.

Or they may be looking forward to reading a book or a magazine or newspaper or even just getting some shots. I see how they're just visualizing different things that they'll do on the plane when they get on it. What about auditory? They could be thinking, oh, maybe I'm going to listen to some relaxing music or watch a good movie on my iPad. Oh, maybe I will get some comfort from the host and hostess that are going to be serving us. And they're probably just imagining when is the boarding time going to be announced so I can get on there and they're looking forward to hearing the boarding time announcement.

So this is what is going on with the second person they're kind of making this movie right. And what could they be feeling feeling relaxed probably. They can imagine feeling their their head going on to the pillow on the chair. Or they just could just could be breathing calmly and looking forward to the flight. You see how the different movies occur with what we what the stimulus is, and what the event what the emotion is, with the person who is not scared of flying, the stimulus is flight, going on an aeroplane, and the emotion is just being calm and looking forward to going to the destination. So what if we could teach the first person to model the movie of the second person?

What if we could give a basic chart to help guide the first person to practice making a better movie? Well, this is where I asked you to download your chart and here's a sample of it right here. I'm not sure if you can read this on here, but on your handout, you will see that there's two columns. The one on the left is two To release stressful experiences, what you can do, how you can play around with the visual images that you make the auditory images that you make up as well, and how to manage those. And on the right, you will see how to embrace positive and resourceful experiences. And again, visual, auditory, and how to manage those.

So this comes with practice. Now, what I want you to do is think of someone you find stressful to be around. Now, this happened to me as well, about 16 years ago, I had someone who made me stressful, and even to be around them made me stressful because I didn't know how to behave and how to act. And so again, the event or the stimulus was being with that person. Emotion would be stress and anxiety or what I would say next, or how I What you know, and so the fear my heart would be, and palm it was just weird how I felt or around this person. And then the behavior would be either that I'm thinking that the person doesn't like me is out to get to me.

This is not gonna work and I get upset, and then I take it out on someone else after. Okay, and this, this is true, it happens to all of us, right? So how can we manage that? How can we get to that unconscious part of reprogramming the movies that we're making our head, right, and that's what we're going to do here. So what I did, just to tell you how, when I found out about this, what I did was I started practicing before I would meet the person so before the event occurred, I would practice and if you look at your chart Now, what I would do, would really pay attention to what I'm saying thinking what I'm hearing. And I would see this person bigger than me and me being a little smaller than the person, I would make them be in full bright color for some reason.

And so I decided to do the opposite. I made the person smaller and I really shrunk them down to a little mouse. Because when you shrink a person down to a mouse, can you hear a mouse speaking? No, they're always just squeaking. So you see how I change the visual and I changed the auditory at the same time. I made them small and I let them squeak.

Okay. So this way as I practice that when I see them the next time and the person starts to go on and on, and I'm starting to get a little bit uncomfortable, I just stop and they go, yes, imagine her just being small, and just squeaking away. And honestly, it's funny that when you do that, when stimulus is occurring when the event is occurring. It's just amazing how you feel so much more in control. And it's almost like you zone out of what they're saying, and it doesn't bother you anymore. But it takes practice to do this.

Okay? Now, I've only explained one example. And that's when you think of someone who makes you stressful. Now, it could be an event that makes you stressful. And so think about that, you know, and try all the things that have that I have on the chart that I've given you, and you need to practice. I did this with my daughter, who was 10 years old at that time, because she was having an issue with a friend at school.

She loved this friend, she liked hanging out with her but the friend could was quite bossy. And she didn't know how to behave with that friend. So I told her, use this chart and practice first before you go to school and she would do that And she did the same thing. She turned the friend into a squirrel. So what she was saying wouldn't bother her. And she kept edge.

And she'd come home and say, Mom, this is like magic. It works. Awesome. So try that. Okay. And this is what we're trying to do here is we're trying to reprogram the unconscious part that we're not used to being conscious about.

All right. So we're playing with our movies that we make in our head, so that we're not going straight from event to emotion, and behavior. But what we're doing is we're saying how can I control my emotions? It's not about the other person. How can I control my emotions so they don't let me get to me. You have to realize stress occurs of the way we see things, how we see it, how we hear it and how we feel.

It's our reaction to the event that causes is stress not the other way around, they repeat that it's a reaction to the event that causes stress, not the other way around. So what I'm teaching you here is how you can react so that you don't get stressed by the event. Does that make sense? I hope it does. Write your comments in the comment section below and tell me how this worked for you as you practiced, and then went to the event and wondered what happened there. Okay, so I really want to know.

So here we go. I'm just going to stop sharing now. And let's do an example together. So think of an event or a person that is feeling stressful. And if the event if the person or the thing that you are seeing is big, and make it small, then shrink it down. If it's large and up close and push it further away, and I've done this as well, where I've pushed Something further away, even if it's a person up over the hill, and I just imagine a hill being out there, and they're saying something and I'm like, what I can't hear you can't hear you, you know, and it feels good because I feel in control.

I know this sounds kooky, but it works, okay, because you are controlling the way your mind works. If the thing that you're thinking about has a lot of color, then brain the color and make it black and white and see what happens. Right? So those are arrow and if it's moving, make it still like a statue, and then see what happens. All right. So that's another way to get out of feeling stressed all the time or trying to get out of feeling uncomfortable around others.

Or if you have toxic people in where you work, and this is another way of managing your emotions and not letting them get to you. Okay, so try this out and tell me how it goes. Okay. Until next time, bye.