So this in my opinion is one of the craziest things about money. And when I see myself doing this, I feel like I am completely mad. But I have been mad like this my entire life. In fact, I used to do this a lot and the time pops into my head and tries to go and do that thing, but I never do it anymore. As much as I can avoid that thing is that mini me absolutely loves to fight for someone who's not even in the room. Have an argument or discussion and RG bar g with someone who may not even live in the same town as you.

Maybe they don't even live on the same planet as you you've made the math completely. Oh my word Could I fight for somebody in my head for extended periods of time. anytime something went not according to my plan me and many is hoping that not only is she able to play my role in the fight, but she can step aside and play the other person's role as well. And is she mean, to me, these people are never kind to me in my head. We fight under the kinds of it either, by the way, well, you know, that the result of being angry that we fight and we fight and we fight. And the best part is that when we come to the end of this fight, what do we do?

Rewind and stop, and rewind and start all over again? Well, could they be a more epic waste of mental time than fighting with someone who's not even in the room? I mean, could they be a more epic waste of calm and peace and capacity to be present and joyful in this moment of our lives, then fighting with someone who's not even in the room. Many mean is so exceptionally good at this, that we barely even notice that we're doing it, except that we feel all of the side effects of actually fighting with somebody. Now I know that there's a reason for this, can you think what might be the most common reason that people come up with is that they're doing it to prepare themselves when they actually have to meet this person, so that when they see them know exactly what to say, they've got just the defense, they're not going to fall over their words, and they can defend themselves as they would like to.

Let me ask you this question. In all the times that you'd imagine fighting with someone in your head in all of the arguments and unpleasantness and wasted joy, have you ever come to the experience of meeting that person again, and actually have that happen? As it happens in your head? Most of my clients say absolutely never. Never. Never, never.

So is a good practice? does it serve you in any way? Well, the answer is it cannot. It's not good practice. It doesn't serve you because it never comes up like that. So instead of being able to go into a situation with a clear mind, with clear thinking, with the capacity to listen and to be heard, to sort something out to really communicate in a positive way with somebody, if we've been fighting our head with someone for three weeks, we go into a situation doxa rating ready to smack them one?

Well, I have a favorite author. I don't know if you've read her name is Martha Beck. She's amazing. And she tells the story in one of her books about a bunch of I think there would be a agents so they would go and do the drug busts along the Mexican border. And he told her that it was a very, very strict Full job, because they would go in guns blazing screaming and shouting. And of course there was, you know, guns around and drugs around and people act crazy.

And it was very, very dangerous and you could die at any moment. And she takes him, What is your mental state when you go in? And he said, Well, my mental state is in preparation for all of this. And she said to him, so you're already in the state as though you're in that experience in the moment of the guns blazing and danger to your life? And he said, Yes. And she said to consider this.

The energy that you take into an experience is the energy that will develop in the experience and the energy through which you are going to live this experience. So if you come into an experience already angry, if you come into an experience, already feeling hard, done by already having fought for somebody for three weeks in your head, what is the energy used? Take into that experience. It's not the kind of energy through which you can hear people clearly. It's not the kind of energy through which you can understand what they saying. Nor is it the kind of energy that you can speak clearly or be properly understood.

It's certainly not a problem solving energy. When we take ourselves into a situation with clarity in our minds with a clear, simple mind open to understanding and communicating, we have a much much better outcome in our communications. So not only is all of this practice, not serving any purpose but disturbing your well being is also creating a negative side effects for that experience when it comes along. That's not going to be helpful or useful in that experience at all. Now that you know that, are you willing to let go are you willing to look at mini me when she's really fighting with complete stranger or with somebody you know, with your sister in your head Hey, stop that now this is not serving me. I had a client at a talk once who said to me Oh, she'd been fighting with a sister for four months.

Four months she'd been fighting with his sister. I said to her Oh, wow, okay, that's, you know, sorry to hear that. Tell me when last Did you speak to your sister? She said four months ago. Okay. Tell me when last did you WhatsApp your sister?

She said four months ago. I'm not going to get the point. But I did hammer it. Tell me. We asked Did you email your sister she said to me, dude, four months ago. I said to my dad, you're not fighting with your sister.

You have not fought with your sister in format. information. You have had an everyday imaginary fight with somebody who was not eating In the room, you have not been fighting with your sister. You've been fighting with yourself in your own head, and not with your sister at all. Consider the time that she has wasted in this fight in her head every day. Consider the unhappiness, the distress, the anger, the frustration that she has created by fighting with somebody every day for four months, who she has not even had to look at.

What a waste. What a waste of time. How long is the longest you ever fought to someone in your head for and what was the outcome