Now one of the big topics I always get asked my website is how do I deal with my friends and family through a big emotional breakup or a divorce. Now, although your friends and your family are a very important part of your life, you may find that they're pretty ill equipped to support you through your loss. I personally found that even though my friends and family were well, meaning they didn't always know what to say to me, and I often felt that I didn't always feel good around them. Now before you tuxes smell well meaning loss. Remember that, although they trying hard, they're not necessarily trained or equipped to help you. Society has also conditioned people to deal with loss in a very particular in a particular way.

It's not anyone's fault. Everyone you know, who is in your life, they probably care about you, they hate you suffering so they want to try and say things and do things to make you feel better fast. So they'll try to take the pain away. They might even suggest that you do lots of short term emotional avoidance tactics. They might even suggest Did you immediately stop dating even though you feel like you don't want to, because they want to do everything they can to just get you back to who you were before this happened. So, when I hung out with my friends, they would often try and distract me from my pain and and unknowingly invalidated my emotions or my right to feel pretty lousy, and often feel like, not always better when I was around.

I'm like, Okay, I'm enjoying the company. But when I would leave the company, I would always feel a little bit bad about myself. So it's almost like I was going a step backwards and I realized that I'd have to get my divorce support elsewhere. So friends and family might say weird, inappropriate things and common phrases that I've heard during that time of my life was, well thank goodness this happened before you had children. Another person said Well, God will never give you more than you can handle. Another classic was there's lots of fish in the sea.

They someone special out there for you. And my personal favorite was it's better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all. And, you know, just went on and on and on and there was just so much awful platitudes and all of them designed to make them feel better, but they actually didn't feel better and I didn't feel better and nobody actually felt better by any of these statements. You cannot fix matters of the heart with intellectual limitations of the mind. And these statements do not necessarily encourage your healing. So I'm going to talk about in my next video, the common issues that you'll see with friends and family and how to combat them.