If you really want to make sure your criticism is coming across Well, here's what I recommend. Before you deliver the criticism, this whole conversation with the employee or the colleague in question, I would recommend you practice in advance on video. Now, I'm not suggesting you go spend a lot of time hire a TV crew. All I'm suggesting is pretend that person is sitting across from you. Hold your cell phone and record the video or it could be a web could be any camera. But I do want you to see yourself and hear yourself.

And let's actually practice what you're going to say. Because there's some things in your own mind when you're thinking that seemed perfectly straightforward, non threatening, neutral. But when you hear yourself saying or you watch yourself, say you they oh my gosh, that's harsh. That's brutal. That's ugly. I would hate it if someone told me that you don't have to guess you can practice on video and watch it.

So that's my advice to you. If you want a note or two, that's fine. It shouldn't be that complicated. But certainly if you have notes for all the good things that person is doing, no one's offended by using notes. When they're hearing praise, I want you to practice your whole talk with them. Say, Bill, I need to talk to you about a couple things if we could sit and chat for a moment, and then hop right into it.

And I realize it's just practice, there's no one else in the room. But try to do it as if you were actually talking to the employee. Bring up the issue. Talk about all the strengths, focus on the specific problem. Focus on the very specific things you need to do to change to improve it and then end with by putting it all in the positive context of the good things will happen once this problem will soon be solved. And I want you to videotape the whole thing and I need you to watch it.

I need you to critique yourself. And then look, what is it you like about how you're coming across? Do you seem empathetic? Do you seem caring? Do you seem like you really want to do this to help person? But the objective or do you seem like a jerk?

Do you seem like someone who enjoys beating someone up and criticizing them? I hope not. I doubt that's how you're going to come across. Otherwise you wouldn't even bother spending time in a course like this. But look at Do you seem believable? Are you undercutting your own message by sounding timid, scared, nervous about this?

This isn't you giving a speech to 2000 people but you do want to come across as comfortable, believable and confident. So I want you to practice on video. Make notes of what you like, notes of what you don't like. Ideally, you feel a lot more comfortable after that, if you don't really love how you're coming across, I think you could do it again. Keep practicing your message, the criticism you want to deliver. Keep watching it on video and tell you like it.

Because if you do that, you'll be more relaxed. You'll certainly be more confident how you deliver this message, and things will go smoother. So, it shouldn't take that long. But if it's a two minute message, and you practice it 10 times and watch it 10 times. That's really not going to take very long that only takes you 40 minutes if it's really important. So, again, practice, record it, watch it, critique it, keep doing it until you like it do that and you're going to be in great shape for this conversation, even if it's not the most pleasant of conversations.