So we have identified every single strength that this colleague has in a particular skill area you're focused on. And we spent a lot of time on that. All the factual and true, that make them feel a little better about the overall position. They have their with their strengths, then you've isolated just one or two specific problems and you've tried to talk about it in as non personal away as possible. So we can focus just on the thing they are doing or not doing. That's a second step.

Now we move on to the third step. We've got to give them very, very specific advice on how to improve. It may be self evident to you. It's obviously not self evident to this person or they wouldn't be doing it. It's not enough to say stop being a jerk to that customer on the phone. Stop yelling prospects, you've got to give them more highly specific tips, strategies, tactics on how to solve the problem, how to do it well.

So for example, back to my own situation with my clients, if somebody has lots and lots of arms coming out. I've talked to them about their strengths. We've isolated the problem. And I say Now, the good news is, this is a simple problem to solve. It's a very common problem. I'm making them feel a little better and it is true.

I've dealt with this problem with CEOs, presidents of countries, it's a common problem that's easily saw. Here's what we're going to do. And if it's the word that keeps coming out, I pull a sticker off and I put it right on their watch their cell phone that has the word Ah, and international read no sign, no left hand turn, no parking. No, no. And I tell them what it's called. Problem.

I'm now giving you visual reminders not to say it. So when you look at your watch, when you look at your cell phone or your tablet, you're going to see this international red no sign with the word Ah, and after a day, you'll still say up. But you'll have sort of this thing pop up almost like the Homer Simpson moment where you are aware of saying it, but you still say it. After two or three days, your mouth and lips and tongue start to form the sound of odd. You almost catch it, but it still comes out. But after a week, the image will come up.

And you can simply pause, you won't say it. Now you'll come across more comfortable, confident, and relaxed. And this really does work folks. Just saying that often relaxes people to the point where the very next presentation they give. Five minutes later, the problem melts away but even if it doesn't I have a solution that solves the problem and it does work in a week. Now, not every problem is quite that neat and tidy.

But the more you can break it down and give people really, really specific actionable things to do, you're going to make them feel better and there's going to at least be help. So if you find an employee who was simply rude to prospects calling on the phone, say, look, I realized people are rude. The public can be rude sometimes. Here's one step I want you to try to take when someone is yelling at you, and they're getting angry here. I want you to very consciously reduce your own volume 20% speak softer, that might come down. That's just one tip.

If that's your business, and you've had to do it yourself, Have your own strategies, but come up with very, very specific action items for your colleague or employee to do. Maybe you have an employee who has just been promoted and still dresses in a way, that suggests not an executive, it's too casual, it's too unflattering. And you need to help them. what you've got to do is figure out an adult and this can be awkward in the workplace, talking about people's dress, but you've got to figure out a way to give them specific advice of what is going to be flattering one is going to help them with their own image and maybe that you point to someone you know, they respect someone in their industry, who is a well known star, and you see a photo of them or you see a video of them on YouTube, and you comment on how good the clothing looks on that person.

See if I can lay some seeds. So you've got to be delicate with these issues. But you have to be highly specific because if you're not specific, the way it gets processed in someone's mind is I'm a bad person. I'm just not a born speaker. I'm not born with natural style. I'm not born with knowing how to talk to clients on the phone.

That's baloney. People are taught skills. All of this is learned skill. There's not a lot in business or the world that can't be learned by people willing to learn. So it's your job. If you're going to be the critic, to then give highly, highly specific to do items for this person.

So they can actually solve the problem. That's your next step. It's the third step in this process, come up with a specific action but you can write it down and hand the person and a letter an email. But face to face is always going to be better talking about it in conjunction with all the strengths, and laying out precisely what the problem is. So, come up with your solutions right now. It's always easier to criticize.

That's true of politicians running for office. It's true. A lot of things but if you really want to help this person, criticism isn't enough. You've got to give specific tips on how to solve the problem. Do it now.